Nefretiri
It was too much.
That didn't mean Taylor wasn't already a better sister-in-law than the one I had.
"Yeah, just a bit." She had no idea. "And... I'm still not sure... about all this. I mean, I'm married, and... it feels wrong to start something with someone I really don't know."
"I get it... but... you are going to give him a chance, aren't you?" Taylor tried not to look as hopeful as she was. It should have set off alarms, but it didn't. She wasn't trying to manipulate me—something I knew all too well—and her concern was genuine. "I know we're asking for a lot, but... it's not just Ivan. It's me and everyone else. Would you be willing to give us a chance, too? I think... you and I can be friends."
"Friends..." I repeated the word with more longing than I thought I could muster, aware that it was a dangerous idea.
The only friends I had left were Liam and his family; even then, I could only count Maggie. Sarah was my teacher and much older than me. My old friends walked away from me when I moved across the country, and I don't know if they'd answer a call if I reached out. That's left me in the hands of the muffin tops, the North's strategic plans to force me to be friends with them, but it'd never worked. That had left Melissa, and there was no way I'd call her a friend.
"I don't think I can decide in a single day..." I was careful with my words, not wanting to imply something, but I wanted to stay. "I might... need some more time. That doesn't mean I'm agreeing to anything!"
"Yay!" Taylor squealed, launching at me for a hug.
It took me off guard, and I stiffened.
Werewolves seemed very comfortable with touch, and I'd been conditioned to see it as a threat. It wasn't only Ricky. Melissa was very touchy when she was around, and it always made me feel... uncomfortable. She was friendly, and I could guarantee my life was easier for however long she was there. However, have you ever met someone who was attracted to you and didn't hide it? There shouldn't have been anything wrong with that, but she was always dancing with the line of inappropriate.
This didn't feel that way, though.
"Thank you! Thank you!" Taylor was enthusiastic, but the hug was innocent and had no other intention. "This is going to be great! I swear, give me three days, and you'll never want to leave!"
"I feel like I should be scared of that!" I laughed, glancing at the bassinet. Penelope should've woken up, but she stayed asleep.
'Your daughter knows to trust them. You should do the same.
'You're going to place all your decisions on an infant who's only a week old?'
'Her instincts are better than yours. She woke up to every noise when Ricky was around. Even when he sneezed. Yet, she's at peace here. That means something.'
"I still don't know how I'm supposed to deal with all this..." How would they feel once they found out I might be certifiably crazy? "I mean... It's not just Ivan. I'm supposed to be something to all of you and..."
"Don't worry about that!" Taylor sat up again, her face morphing into something almost professional. "Don't freak out about the Luna thing. I'll talk to Ivan tomorrow. He'll talk to everyone; they won't bring it up until you're ready. Besides, even if you take the title, you'll have lots of time to learn. You could take five or six years before anyone would expect you to know what you're doing."
"Really?" That took a little pressure off me. I thought I'd have a few weeks or months, but you could learn a lot in that time.
"Yeah, it's crazy to ask you to learn everything in less time. Look at doctors and lawyers. They go to school for years before they can practice, and even then, they have to go through the process. So, just focus on you and Ivan. That's already plenty."
"Yeah..." my stomach flipped as I thought of him downstairs. "I don't know how to process him. I mean... this bond. How do I trust that it's me and not magic?"
"The fact you're not having a nervous breakdown is a good start," it was so easy to talk to her. I could imagine us doing this every night and never running out of things to discuss. "Most humans who learn about the mate bond don't take it so well. They hear the word magic and freak out."
"Well..." might as well be honest. "I'm... a sorceress. So... magic isn't a shock, but the bond? I... don't know that much about it and... It's so weird to have these feelings in my head. I just met him..."
"A sorceress?" Taylor's eyebrows rose so high I thought they'd jump off her face. She wasn't expecting that. "That's... damn. The moon goddess doesn't play around, does she?"
"What do you mean?"
"Uh, well... There's a lot going on at home. Magic... is a sensitive topic. Nothing to worry about, but it makes sense that Ivan would have someone like you as a mate. You need each other..."
She didn't have to say it to warn me there was a lot more going on than Ivan said. What was the issue with magic? It was either one of two things. They wanted it, or they were against it. Either way, was I prepared to deal with that? I was weak and only knew the basics. There was no way I was prepared for a magical political mess.
"You think we need each other?" How could she know that? She'd seen us interact for about an hour, and it hadn't been cohesive.
"Of course. I know you don't see it, but the rest of us do. Ivan's changed since he met you. There's a reason he got the nickname Ivan the contemptible. He earned it, but after a few hours with you, he's the most relaxed wolf I've met. Do I think he's still the kind of asshole who'll insult a royal prince and make him cry? Yes, he did that, and I'm sure he would, but I've never seen him look so... alive. You and this precious little pup did that. He's affected the both of you, too. You keep acting surprised she's so peaceful, but she's been nothing but happy and content. You can't deny the facts. Look at yourself."
She had a point.
"I'm not ready to call you my sister-in-law..." I started carefully. "But... I have to admit you're better than my last one."
"I'm guessing it was bad?" She kept her tone light, but the graveness of my situation sucked the calm out of the room. Even Penelope grunted in her sleep.
"Yeah, but I don't really want to talk about it..." Eventually, I might have to, but not tonight. "That's one issue I'd like to pretend wasn't a thing."
"Done. We'll pretend they don't exist." She treated it like it was law, and part of me wished it was that easy.
"All of you keep treating me like I'm something important. I'm really not." The exhaustion hit me again, and what was left of that second wind was draining.
"You are. You brought life back into our sad little lives. Everyone in the pack feels it, even if they don't understand what's happened. Ivan isn't going to be able to keep this a secret for long."
"He is?" Was he doing that because I didn't want everyone to know?
"My brother doesn't share like other people..." I didn't miss the hesitation. Taylor didn't want to give me too much negative information about Ivan. "He's really generous unless it's something that belongs to him. I'm not saying you do, but... well, he doesn't want to share you."
"Should I be worried?" Ricky had been possessive, and sometimes, I was grateful for it. His family might have strange ideas about being inclusive, but Ricky wasn't interested in letting anyone else have me, not even his mistresses. That was something I was grateful for.
"No. He's just not going to want the pack to try to take your time... That's too bad for him because we are going shopping, and we're not having him drag along. There's some baby shops I want to hit and I don't want to hear him complain about us using his credit card."
"You don't have to spoil us..." I didn't know how to approach this. "Everything you got, Penelope, is more than..."
Knowing what I knew, could I tell her not to?
"It'll be fun," now, she was trying too hard. I didn't want to bring something up, especially if she didn't want anyone to talk about it. "He told you... didn't he?"
"What?" I won't deny this. I have an awful poker face.
"It's okay... I figured he would..." She shrugged like it was nothing, but even she couldn't pretend. "I don't want you to think I'm somehow using your daughter as some kind of surrogate. I'm not. She's my niece, and I love her for that... Even if... you decide to not be with Ivan... She's still going to be my niece, and I'm going to spoil her rotten."
"Ivan... didn't tell me much." I felt awful. It's not like I meant to look guilty or accusing. "He just mentioned you'd been through a lot this year."
"We all have, but things are getting better. The moon goddess has a light and dark side for a reason. It'd be nice if things always worked out, but... sometimes they don't." Taylor played with a ring on her finger; instinctively, I knew it was for her baby.
"What was their name?" I asked, feeling stupid for it. The last thing she'd want is to talk about the child she'd lost. "If... it's okay to know."
"Eric... He would've been two months old now..." I don't know how she was holding it together. I couldn't.
Not knowing what else to do, I moved closer, wrapping my arms around her.
There was nothing I could say to express how I felt or to ease her pain.
Could I tell Taylor that Penelope was born under similar circumstances? Didn't that feel like a slap in the face? My daughter should be in a NICU, attached to tubes and fighting for her life, but she was safe and healthy. I don't know if magic or just luck kept her safe, but I'm forever grateful. Taylor lost her child and didn't resent Penelope for being who she was. She was doing the opposite.
"I... nearly lost Pen-Pen..." I didn't let her go, afraid to look her in the eye. "I... had her early, and I was terrified. I... can't imagine what you went through, and..."
I was about to say I wanted to make it better when a surge of energy moved through my body.
It's been a while since I lost control of my magic, but it's also been a stressful day, and control wasn't on the top of the list.
It started along my spine, the anchor reaching for something to grab hold of. Usually, it took a while, and the tether was distant, but it happened almost instantly this time. I was able to tie myself to it, and I felt stronger. That's never happened, but it helps the magic move without restraint, traveling along my nerves and veins until it reaches my hands. There's no real thought in what I'm doing, just feelings and desires to ease Taylor's pain and help her heal. Ironically, that's something I'm good at.
It only lasts a few seconds, but as I pull away, I feel a layer of dark energy slipping off the she-wolf's body.
'Dark magic...' Someone was doing some very baneful spells on Taylor, and I'd just absorbed them.
"What was that for?" Taylor looked more relaxed, the bags under her eyes disappearing. The tension in her shoulders was less, and I wonder if she even realized she was holding onto that darkness.
"You needed it," I shrugged, not wanting to tell her what I'd done. If magic was a delicate subject, announcing I'd just done a spell wasn't a good idea. "Could you... not tell anyone what I told you? I mean... Penelope's okay... It was scary, but..."
"As long as it doesn't hurt her..." she glanced at the bassinet. Sure, I'll keep it between us. And Nefra? Thank you. For... I don't know."
"Funny, I was going to say the same to you... but for not letting me fall when I thought I was going crazy..." That moment in the parking lot, when she handed me the tissues, helped me hold onto my sanity, and then when she asked me to put myself first, "I know it's late, but I'd really love a shower."
My stomach tightened, the first warning sign that the magic was prepared to let go.
I didn't have much time.
"Yeah, you can use Ivan's bathroom." Luckily, Taylor didn't notice the minuscule signs that I was about to pay a heavy cost for what I'd done. Good. "You have your own bathroom, but it only has a tub... Unless you want to take a bath."
"No, I'll pass out..." Or drown. "Shower is good."
"Okay, well, let me grab you some clothes. I guessed your size, but they should fit. If not, you can borrow something from Ivan. One of his T-shirts will look like a nightgown."
I followed her out of the room, grateful Penelope was still fast asleep.
Five minutes later, I was in the master bathroom, leaning against the door in so much pain I was ready to scream.
I didn't know Taylor was holding onto that much magic.
It wasn't there before.
Had she known?
No, it was all over her but meant to hurt her, not others. Whoever cast it on her wasn't using her like a weapon. That was cruel and dangerous. Why would someone do that? How many enemies did this pack have?
My body felt like I'd spent hours in the snow—the chill down to my bones. Even as I turned the heat of the water up, I couldn't get warm enough. Stripping was like getting naked in a blizzard, but I had to take it off. Water was the safest way to eliminate energy, so the faster I got in, the better. I've never had backlash hit me so fast.
The second I'm in the massive shower, I'm on my knees, throwing up. Yet, it's not food. Honestly, I don't know what it is. Tar, slime? It could be either, but it tastes like a thousand cigars mixed in with gasoline. What was happening? This isn't normal.
'This isn't payment!' It couldn't be. Magic makes demands of you, and what I'd done for Taylor wasn't this intense. This was something else. Something... sinister.
The first pop catches me off guard, my wrist twisting in an odd position before righting itself.
Images of a girl who couldn't be older than five, who looked like a mini version of me, fell off her bike and landed on the sidewalk, breaking her wrist.
The same girl got a paper cut, and it appeared on my hand, the blood mixing with the water before the skin closed, like it was never there.
Scraped knees, bruises, cuts, and accidentally hitting something hard enough to leave a temporary mark. I felt it all like it was happening then and there, accompanied by flashes of memory. Sometimes, there were people to help me with it, my mother's face kissing it better, telling me it was okay. I don't recognize the others, not even the man with the same eyes as me, but seeing him hurts my heart. Who is he? Why does it break me to remember him?
Was this the magic Ivan thought Ricky used, leaving my body?
'Why does it hurt so much?'
'Foolish, foolish girl.' The voices in my head mocked, but there was a hint of panic it didn't want me to hear. 'What's the first rule of magic?'
'There's always a price!' But it shouldn't be this!
'You unlocked a fraction of a spell and expect it to be nothing? You're in the lands of a king. His power is beyond your capacity right now. It amplifies you. Now, you'll pay the price for that kindness.'
No!
What did that mean?!
More came flooding back, and it wasn't child injuries anymore.
The pain was more intense, burns on my fingers that felt like acid, bite marks along my skin that felt like something with fangs was using me as a toy, and the same repeated bruises appearing and disappearing, leaving the echo of constant fights I never won.
'We're not even to the real pain yet, Nefretiri Jordans. This is just the warm-up.'
Sadly, they weren't wrong.
"IVAN!" I screamed his name at the top of my lungs, even as the image of a different boy holding me and promising it would all be alright flickered through my memory.
Who was that?