Unwoven Destinies
Yuujiki
Chapter 4: Chapter # 3 - (un)bottling up
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A stone pillar arose from the dirt, responding to my mana and will. It's not particularly big, rising a meter from the ground. It has a rectangular shape, and I make sure its surface is flat. With a little more mana, I carve words on top of the stone.
"Here lie the loyal retainers and faithful friends. Let their sacrifice not be in vain." No identities, nothing that could give the enemies too much information on the princess' whereabouts or entourage. It was deemed dangerous to leave too much information, but no one felt content with not making a small monument for the fallen if they could. In all honesty, I feel uncomfortable making it — carving the epiphany that I don't mean. I appreciate those people's efforts and loyalty, and I respect their sacrifice. And I'm grateful for the times when they helped Sylphie in the past; I'm sure there were those, too. But I didn't know them, and I can't possibly understand what their lives meant for Ariel, Sylphie, or the rest of their friends and comrades.
A faint nod from the princess, who was looking at it through the whole process. I see her fists clenching and her mask almost dropping, showing a hurt expression. I'm more aware that she is a fourteen-year-old girl than ever, without her mask and regal aura directed at me. Seeing her eyes watering, I turn away and go a few steps away, sparing my new master's dignity. The rest of her party doesn't. That's their loss as well, and they have every right to mourn it together.
I catch a glance from Sara, who stays away a little further. She stares at a loss of words at the scene before her. From what I've gathered, she had some kind of problem with nobles and even got into an argument with these particular ones. That's not that unique of a story. In terms of morals, lots of nobles in Asura are scum. It's only natural that lots of people would personally hate them. But these don't seem like bad people, at least not now. Seeing them like this, humane and vulnerable, probably confuses her. I even catch an awkward expression for a moment, as if she is apologetic.
I don't really have anything to say to her right now. Hatred is something you can only overcome by yourself, and now she probably understands that the world is a little different from what she thought. She will have time later to say something if she makes up her mind. Apparently, Ariel hired the Counter Arrow party for additional protection. They will join her retinue after we leave the Red Dragon's Upper Jaw. For that service, she paid Bruno, their original employer, some money and a royal note of debt he would be able to cash in should he wish so. That would also cover the losses he would incur if he lost some of his goods or arrived too late due to a lack of guards.
I feel someone touch my shoulder, closing the distance. Sylphie tucks herself into me, hiding her face in my neck. There isn't much I can say; the only small comfort I can offer is gentle caressing and a hug if she will have it. We stay like this until it's time to go. It's hard to believe, but only several hours have passed since the attack. If we hurry up, we should still be able to pass the Red Dragon's Upper Jaw before night comes. Therefore, we must. No one is willing to risk staying the night and having another attack on our hands.
Night comes as we finally leave the narrow gorge of Red Dragon's Upper Jaw.
It seems like the spring is yet to arrive to the Northern territories, as the highlands all around are covered with layers of snow that is yet to melt. Frozen lakes and pine forests are distinguishable below. That's a typical winter landscape if you imagine one, but both Bruno and Victor, an old steward of princess', assure us it is indeed considered spring here.
Staying a winter night in the wild is not something noble girls in general or Princess Ariel in particular appreciate, but there is no complaining. After a small dinner, most of the party gets to the carriages. I gracefully volunteer to have the first watch at night. Most of Ariel's party need some time alone now. Besides, I'm not sure if I would be able to catch a wink of sleep, despite crossing the mountains and getting wounded on the same day.
My breath comes out in puffs of mist as I exhale, instantly freezing. It's cold, and the winds coming down from the ice mountain peaks behind make it even worse.
As I stare into the silent night, keeping myself a little warmer with my magic, thoughts fill my head. Somehow, today's events don't feel real. I'm still disoriented, as if I just woke up from a long slumber. It feels like I spent most of the time over the past several hours in a haze. What do I do now, metaphorically and literally?
But at least I don't feel numb anymore. I keep myself warm enough with magic. I'm at least aware and caring enough to do it for myself. My thoughts don't go circling as my mind stumbles upon the thought of me spending the winter nights with Dead End. Back then, Ruijerd stood guard the whole night, letting me and Eris have some sleep. Now, I stand guard myself, protecting the sleep of people I barely know. Logically speaking, I know it's natural that Ruijerd is not around anymore. And as painful as it is, I came to terms with Eris leaving. But still, it feels strangely unfamiliar and so wrong to not have them around. I only barely began unpacking it. At least now that all of my emotions aren't locked away, I can perhaps start.
Getting back to the campfire, I noticed a silhouette. It's so-called sir Fitts. When I heard the name for the first time, I did a double take at her appearance. Somehow, the name connected incredibly well with Sylphie's boyish appearance and sunglasses, creating a somewhat mysterious persona. The blush on her cheeks when I called her cool did disrupt this image a little, but eased her nervousness, so I consider it a win nonetheless.
"What is it?" Sunglasses are on, so only the small pieces of her expression are visible in the darkness of night. She doesn't seem alarmed.
"I thought I could keep you company." She answers quietly. Naturally, she is quiet in order not to wake everyone up. But there is something else, something small and vulnerable in her voice, that makes me do a double take. "If you don't mind, that is." She adds hesitantly.
I know today was hard on her. And I'm still a mess as well. I don't want her to have to check on me. To see me like this. But in the end, I couldn't possibly say no to her. She probably misses me and wants to catch up. And my emotional turmoil is no reason to ignore her.
"I'd be delighted, Senior Fitts." With a reassuring smile, I make my way closer and sit on the log by the fire. Sylphie seems taken aback for a moment, but then joins me with an uneasy expression. Does she dislike the name? As I hurriedly compose an apology in my mind, she speaks up.
"I don't mind the name, but… Please call me Sylphie, like you used to, at least when we are alone. I like it better." Huh. I'm really no good with people, am I? I should have figured she wouldn't like that one, at least.
"Sure. I will. Sorry about that." I bow my head, but Sylphie doesn't seem to know how to react. Somehow, it's awkward. Will my conversation skills never improve?
"It's fine. It doesn't bother me. It just feels distant. And Fitts is supposed to be a boy, too, you know?" She doesn't hate it, then. I think I understand.
"I wouldn't mistake Sylphie for a boy again." To be honest, I might have, especially with these sunglasses. Her hair turned white, too, and her clothes are fit for a boy. I mentally cringe at the thought. That would be just embarrassing.
"Come to think of it, what's with the white hair? Did you dye it?"
"No, they were like this ever since the teleportation. You don't like it?" That's strange; I've never heard of this effect. In fact, it might be fortunate. After traveling with Ruijerd, I know just how terrifying people may find the green hair.
"I think white is also very pretty. And it's good if it didn't get you in trouble as much."
She reached her hand to one of the locks and fumbled it with a bashful smile.
"Is that so? He-he, thank you."
"Of course. And I've also met someone else with green hair a few ears back. A real superd. He had it tough sometimes because of it. But he is a good person, no matter the color." Somehow, talking is even harder. Everything around me is distinctly unfamiliar without Ruijerd around. And every time Eris comes up in my mind, I just have to shut down the train of thought.
And as these thoughts come, guilt follows in their footsteps. Here I am, talking to a girl who likes me. And I'm wallowing in my misery rather than paying attention to her.
"Would you tell me about them?" Sylphie tentatively asks as the silence stretches. I must have spaced out. Well, I couldn't possibly deny her if she asks. But first...
"Sure. Would you tell me how you have been?"
"Sure."
We spend hours talking about the past and only scrape the surface. We talk about how things were back in Buena Village before it all happened. We talk of how we both were teleported to the sky and saved ourselves with magic. We talk of how she started to serve Ariel, acquired the position of Ariel's guardian mage, and why the Princess' party left in the winter. I ask follow-up questions here and there or comment on the story, but it's Sylphie who does the most talking. Why is that? It's not like I don't want to learn her story, but I expected to be the one who talked more. Ah. In retrospect, I was directing the conversation away from Ruijerd and Eris, thus barely saying anything of substance. It wasn't even intentional. I'm sure she noticed it, too, as she eventually stopped asking. As I apologize, Sylphie gently answers.
"It's fine. Rudy can tell me now, or maybe another time. Or you could not speak of it at all if it hurts to do so. I will be glad to hear when you are ready… Just tell me if it's too painful, okay?" She sounds dejected, and a little concerned at the thought, so I hurry to reassure her.
"No, I will tell you. It's not like it's very painful… it's just a very long story, and a little sad, too."
"Next time, then?"
"Yes. Next time…"
"Thank you, Rudy… I'm glad you are here." She hugs me, and snuggles closer. The conversation slowly dies down as the fatigue overtakes the girl. She eased minutes into the talk, and eventually leaned closer. Awkwardness isn't here anymore at all. In the end, the conversation died down. She fell asleep as she was talking about something. Her head is on my shoulder, but then slips to my lap minutes later as she stirs. I don't mind at all. It's not lonely anymore, and the feeling of wrongness dissipated somewhere along the way. And it's warm. Somehow, this keeps me warmer than magic could.
About an hour later, Luke came out to replace me on guard duty for the second half of the night. As we exchanged a few words, I caught a puzzled look, but it disappeared soon enough. I don't feel like figuring it out just yet, it could be anything, really. Besides, I need some sleep too.
No further attacks came since we crossed the Red Dragon's Upper Jaw and entered the Kingdom of Ranoa.
It was within Ariel's expectations. For one, it is considerably more difficult to organize an assassination of this caliber outside of Asura. Her enemies simply don't have that much influence here. There is also a diplomatic side to things, since attacking Ariel on the grounds of the Kingdom of Ranoa can be seen as both a breach of Ranoa's sovereignty and an attempt to frame the Ranoa authorities for murdering Ariel. Both could lead, politically, to a drastic drop in relations between Asura Kingdom on one side and Ranoa Kingdom, and, by extension, the Magical Triumvirate on the other.
Besides, it could always be an oversight or overconfidence by the assumed sponsor of the assassination, Senior Minister Darius. In the aftermath of the battle, it was discovered that the guy who attacked me was in fact one of the deadliest assassins out there and had been active in the Asura Kingdom before. Sköll of Steel Serpent, as they called him, was considered saint-class in two styles of swordsmanship. In his youth, he became a sword saint, but couldn't advance further due to his lack of innate talent. At some point, he left the Holy Land of Sword. But he didn't become your regular sell sword or adventurer, instead abandoning the Sword God Style only to learn the North God Style instead. By combining the speed of Sword God Style with guile and underhandedness, this man developed his own fighting style, which helped him become one of the best hitmen out there. It seems like he was responsible for the assassination of one of the nobles of Ariel's faction before, hence the investigation.
Hiring another saint-class assassin might have been deemed excessive, and hiring lesser groups as a back-up was plain useless, since they wouldn't pose that much of a threat if the defenders dealt with the Steel Serpent.
Still, it was only when we got to the trade town down the road the next evening, the party members gradually got more relaxed. That wasn't a big town, just a small hub for the merchants and travelers heading south. There was no Adventurers' Guild branch and only two inns, one that provided heating and one that did not, no further luxuries available. Luke and Ariel's attendants frowned upon the conditions, but the princess herself seemed unfazed.
It was decided to keep a low profile for now, considering the proximity of this place to the Asuran border, so upon entering the town, the party was split, and small tasks of securing necessities and scouting were distributed. I, for one, was tasked with ordering rooms in the inn — the one with heating, of course.
The warm rooms and the warm food, despite the crudeness of both, were met with delight. The return of the ones who were sent forward to gather the intelligence was met with relief, finally snapping the rest of the princess' escort out of an emergency state. The princess herself was disguised with a magic tool, allowing her to show her face.
After dinner, I was asked to come to one of the bigger rooms — the one where Ariel stayed. A meeting of some sort was to be held. I was let in after knocking. Seven other people were already in the room; adventurers from the Counter Arrow party were apparently exempt from the meeting.
Right from the door, on guard as ever, stood the remaining knight from Ariel's escort. I think his name is Alistar Whitefox. He was a man in his late thirties, steadfast and tall, with brown hair and a goatee. He was one of the knights from the Silver Palace who served the royal family directly, and Ariel in particular. He was an advanced-ranked Water God Style swordsman, and good enough with North God Style, overall being around Paul's level of strength. He was short-spoken and had a very serious, non-nonsense attitude, but seemed to have a good enough opinion of me from what I've seen over the last couple of days.
Next there was Victor, the old steward who was in charge of mundane preparations for the journey, sitting on a small chair. He was an elderly man in his fifties who served the royal family for most of his life and was immensely loyal to Princess Ariel in particular. I guess seeing a magnificent girl grow from a small child did this to a person. He had a very respectful attitude, rarely speaking out of the line. He was probably the only non-noble remaining in the party.
Luke Notos Greyrat, my cousin, was here too, standing with his back straight halfway through the room near the wall. For once, he wasn't looking at me with the calculating look he kept sending me from time to time. He wasn't hostile, overly suspicious, or anything like that. Admittedly, his attitude towards me gradually shifted to acceptance of my presence over the last few days. It wasn't like he was particularly intimidating anyway, being a boy of fourteen in a ceremonial position, but he was a trusted retainer and a close friend of Ariel. Being my cousin, he was the son of Paul's younger brother, who was one of the most influential lords of Asura. Considering the complicated relations between Paul and the Notos family, it was good enough for now that there was no outright distrust or hostility. Besides, despite the playboy attitude filtering through the serious guardian knight persona, he seemed like a generally not bad person.
In the back of the room, Ariel sat on the bed, leaning on her hands, her traveling clothes discarded. Ellemoi Bluewolf, one of her attendants, who had dark blond hair, was doing her still wet hair. Her appearance mostly mirrored Ariel's, so she could pose as a double. Cleane Elrond, another attendant, sat behind Ariel on the bed, going through some notes.
Opposite of Luke stood Sylphie, not really on guard, sending me a small smile as soon as I entered. The room was quite cramped with all the people inside, but there was a space to her right, which I took after letting the room know of my presence.
That was the entirety of Ariel's party remaining. As soon as I arrived, the meeting was due to start.
"Thank you for arriving, everyone. We have much to discuss. Proceed with your reports." Despite her domestic attire, Ariel was still charismatic enough to effortlessly capture everyone's attention. That, perhaps, wasn't a big deal among her own servants, but, somehow, I had no doubt she wouldn't have much trouble with this with about any people, with that captivating voice and graceful presence of her.
"There were no rumors of any skirmishes behind us." There is no information on any unknown armed groups being around."
"We were not being followed. The adventurers reported the monsters awakening from the winter hibernation around this time of the year, so we might need to keep up the night guard."
"I managed to negotiate a resupply and to purchase new horses. We should be able to be on our way tomorrow. The roads, however, might be impassable. The locals claim last winter was the snowiest one in years."
A worried expression appeared on most faces at the last bit of information. Some frowned. Ariel only nodded and inquired further.
"I see. Was there a word from Lord Philemon or his men?"
"There weren't any men awaiting us, your highness. No messages were left behind for us, either."
"Father's letters or his men could have been stopped by the winter."
"Or they might have been intercepted. In any case, it's dangerous to stay there for too long. Besides, we really should arrive at Sharia before May to avoid tensions or owing additional favors to the rectorate of the Ranoa University."
"I see. Do you believe we should wait?" Most seemed conflicted. Some voted to try waiting for a few days, but even Luke didn't seem convinced. Victor, upon being asked, regarded it was safer to be on their way as soon as possible. Most of the group didn't have a definitive opinion.
"What do you think, Rudeus?" I was yet to speak up, also unsure. Having a guide was, while not strictly necessary, strongly advisable. Besides, traveling right now would require extra input from me, including melting the snow and fixing the road if necessary. But it should be possible.
One of the issues was that I had no desire whatsoever to rely on Philemon Notos Greyrat, despite him being an important ally to Ariel. I've never met the man, and 'despicable sycophant' is a pretty comprehensive sum of everything I've heard of him before. I've also witnessed that kind of behavior from him, albeit indirectly. He offered Eris, his cousin's daughter, to become a concubine, only to sell her to another noble. The memory stung a little, but I forced my mind to stay on track, not allowing it to distract me. I couldn't help if contempt and a little sadness showed on my face.
"I've never met Lord Philemon, your highness, so I can't say for sure if we should stay there and wait for his men. However, I believe we can keep moving either way. I also should be able to fix the road should the need arise." I answer diplomatically. Ariel has a thoughtful expression. For maybe a minute, no one speaks up until Ariel nods determinately.
"In that case, we will be on our way tomorrow." After that, the meeting is dismissed, however, Ariel asks me to remain behind. Luke and Sylphie also stay.
"Rudeus, may I ask if there are any grievances between you and the Notos family?"
"I don't have any strong feelings towards them. Despite the blood relation, I have no contact, and I most certainly don't have any feud with the current head, nor do I have any intentions of trying to rejoin or take control of it." Luke visibly relaxes, and Ariel hums.
"I see. For a moment, it seemed like there was a potential conflict here… You've also previously served the Boreas family, and these two houses have not the best of relationships."
"No offense, Luke, your highness… It's just Lord Philemon's reputation, I'm afraid. But no matter what I've heard, I assure you that there is no personal conflict on my side. Besides, my ties with the Boreas family were cut entirely." At the end, Ariel's eyebrow rises. Luke had a little indignant expression at first, but doesn't interfere. I wouldn't say anything at all if I could, but even if I brushed this off, Ariel must have figured it out already. There is no point in sweeping it under the rug, and if I don't clear up any misunderstandings, Ariel might think I'm hiding something. That could even harm things in the long run.
"I see. I hate to ask you to betray your former employer's trust, but would you mind enlightening me on the state of the house? Perhaps we could find an ally with them." At another time, I would be glad about it. Over the years, I grew almost fond of Sauros, and Philipp and Hilda too, despite their peculiar reasons and behavior. Even if I got over the breakup and had no strong feelings whatsoever, I would wish Eris well, too. And let's be honest, I didn't get over it.
"Everything relevant I can say is probably common knowledge, so no betrayal here. And it's not like there were any really solid relations between me and the Boreas family, only an alignment with me being hired as a tutor. And then… Well, Lord Sauros died in the aftermath of the Mana Calamity. Lord Philipp and Lady Hilda were never found, and I've never met James or any other offspring of the family to begin with, so no attachments to the current lord either."
The lands of Fittoa are in disarray aswell. It's going to take decades to restore them to their former glory and wealth, especially if the help continues to be inadequate. I remember Alphonse speaking about almost no help coming for the first few years after the calamity. Come to think of it, this bit of information could be useful. But I can't imagine Alphonse, who cared about the lands and the family a lot more than about politics, getting tangled in the latter.
"What about the girl? Eris, I believe." The question hits too close to the nerve. I'm not prepared to answer it. For the last few days, I've been actively bottling up my thoughts and feelings on the topic. I didn't want to think of it. That would break up those fragile feelings of happiness and contentment that I realized I missed up until now. I've avoided talking about it with Sylphie as well, and I would rather to not go in depth, or even talk about it, really.
"Lady Eris… well, she made it perfectly clear that she doesn't wish to have anything to do with me or have me anywhere close. Besides, officially she is dead anyway." After a delay of maybe half a minute, I answer ruefully with a wry smile. It took quite a bit of effort to carefully untangle the absolutely necessary information from the emotions that came with it and extract it from my mind.
Choosing the right words is a luxury at this point, as I notice puzzled looks. And I wasn't supposed to say that last part, and I internally cringe at how easy it is to get me to talk. Thankfully, that shouldn't really harm her. Even if I don't know it for sure, I can make a hazard guess that Eris left Asura. As I take a look around to see the damage, I notice Sylphie looking back at me with concern. Great, I've also worried her with my troubles.
"Officially?"
"She was planning to disappear from the public eye and noble politics; I believe she did just that."
"I understand. Too bad we couldn't make any allies here. Still, I appreciate your help with that matter."
"I wasn't of much help, was I?"
"That's not true. Information, even public knowledge, can be very useful, and insight from an informed person can be even more so. We can't just know enough, even the basic things, about everyone." That was Luke, now. Surprised, I glance at him to be met with a reassuring smile.
"Correct, information gathering is not a small matter at all. Besides, if it was all that easy to get new allies, we wouldn't be here now, would we?" Ariel adds with a wry smile of her own. At least I'm not the only one in a self-deprecating mood.
The topic eventually shifts to discussing the whole arrangement of me serving Ariel. She assures me she would gladly have me in her service as her guardian or maybe advisor eventually, and of course she will support me in my mission of finding Zenith once it is possible. I reaffirm that I'm willing to take part in her entourage, both physically and eventually even politically. There's nothing new here; the political part was mostly obvious from the start. I'm not sure just how useful I am going to be in this, though. We both accept the notion that we should postpone any formal agreement, since both of our lives and the state of business are a mess right now.
We call it a day when a yawn from Ariel's side as she covers her mouth with a hand. It's natural since it's nighttime now, and we were on our way since the early morning.
Minutes later, as I sit by the fire in my room, sorting my thoughts on all the things I let slip during the conversation, someone gingerly knocks on my door. Reluctantly, I get up to see what's up and open the door, only to be met with Sylphie. The sunglasses and traveling clothes were discarded in favor of a more domestic look.
"Sylphie?"
"I wanted to talk."
I gestured for her to enter, closing the door behind her. I settle on the floor near the fire again, letting her sit on the bed or chair or anywhere, really. She takes the chair and turns to me with a determined look.
"Rudy, are you alright?"
"Why, I'm fine. Just a little tired. Is anything wrong?"
"No… I mean, yes… it's just… you looked so sad before, when we talked about the past. And yesterday, too…"
"It's nothing, I'll be okay, Sylphie. Really" I smile reassuringly, as if to reinforce it. Sylphie's expression gets even more concerned, and to my surprise she gets down to the floor too, narrowing the distance.
"Please, don't say it's nothing."
"Sylphiette?"
"Please don't smile like this. Not with that look in your eyes. Please, don't use all that formal tone."
"Is my smile that bad?" I sardonically ask. She just stares at me with an unhappy expression.
"This one is. It looks really fake. Not that kind of fake, like everyone does, but the kind when it's painfully obvious you are acting. Your eyes look almost dead, and the look is miserable, like you are in pain." Ah, I see. I guess it's been like that for a while now. People around me looked uncomfortable at my smile. They must have seen it too. I suspected it was like this, but I thought that, and being polite would be better than being utterly miserable. As I consider the thought, Sylphie pleads.
"Please tell me what's wrong. Please tell me how I can help you." Moisture gathers at her amber eyes. My heart clenches. I made the girl who likes me cry again. I am the worst, aren't I? I'd better fix it, so I took a deep breath. And started talking. It doesn't matter that I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see Sylphie crying over this, either.
"You know how I originally left to teach the noble girl? Her name was Eris. Eris Boreas Greyrat, that is. We had a rough start. At first, she was insufferable. Violent. Loud. Arrogant. A spoiled noble child, really. But it got better. Naturally, I started to care about her over time. She was my student, after all. And she really started to warm up to me, and she wasn't a bad person at all. There was a vulnerable side to her, and she was caring and kind underneath. She even arranged a birthday party for me when I turned ten. The Boreas family was welcoming, too. And then the calamity happened. No one expected it. I didn't even know its scale for a while. We got teleported to the Demon continent, and I just knew I had to get her home and make sure she was safe."
It gets easier to talk over time as I open up. These few words can't describe all that happened, but the idea doesn't come to mind. Nostalgy hits me with renewed force as I look back on my journey.
"We've also met Ruijerd there. He was our companion, and he helped us a great deal. He protected us, and he was really strong. We wouldn't make it if it weren't for him. I respect him very much to this day. Eventually, we made it to Fittoa, and our journey came to an end. Ruijerd left; he had a lot of things to do, and while it was painful to let him go, that much was expected. Then, when we arrived home, everything was in ruins. There was no home left, not really. The Boreas family I knew was in ruins, too. And then Eris left."
I should stop there. I've said enough. But it's not like I could stop now, even if I tried. Words just keep coming out, and I don't think about what I'm saying.
"She said she wanted to be my family. I thought she loved me, and I… I loved her. And then, the next day, she just abandons me, explicitly forbidding me to follow. Dumps, that's the word. She just left a note and didn't stay to tell me. I guess I imagined it all after all. I can't see her wishing to have me around. I guess that makes sense. Why would she love me? I'm not a good person at all."
I didn't want to say that much, but I completely lost control over what I was saying. I even said I loved Eris, I belatedly realize. Right in front of the girl who liked me. Sylphie must be heartbroken, now, and that would be my fault, too. I ruined everything again, didn't I? I'm afraid to look up and see the hurt look in her eyes. I bite my lip as the tears start coming. Pathetic.
As Sylphie gets closer, I almost expect she will strike me. Or break down crying. Or that she will run away. To my disbelief, none of this happened. Instead, warm arms wrap around me closely, as another body gets over me.
"Don't say that."
"Huh?"
"You are a good person. It's not your fault at all. It's that girl who didn't see how good you are."
"N-no. I didn't do anything to have any worth. I just relied on others."
"That's not important. You don't have to do anything at all to be worthy. To me, you will always be the best person I've ever met. You don't have to go out of your way to not be all alone." I want to argue, but no words come out. Only a sob.
"I'll be there for you. Always." That breaks the rest of my composure, and I break down, burying my face into her shoulder.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
"Sure"
"Please, don't leave me."
"I won't."
Eventually, I calm down as we sit like this, in a tight embrace, and Sylphie gently caresses my hair and whispers reassurances into my ear. Crying like this, letting it all out, was cathartic. There is regret, self-pity and sorrow remaining, but that much is fine. I can live with this, and that will only heal with time. I can't help but feel a little anxious and guilty, despite all of her reassurances, and there is no small amount of embarrassment. But more importantly, there is relief and hope. And an overwhelming amount of love.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry all over you like this."
"It's alright. You've had it rough, haven't you?"
"It wasn't all that bad. There were many good things, too. I'll tell you about them later if you want."
"Sure. I want to know everything about you, Rudy."
"I honestly tried to get over it. I mostly did; at least I sorted it all out. But it still hurts. Sorry about raking it out on you."
"It's alright, I'm grateful you told me. I lo… I'll be there for you no matter what." My heart skips a beat. I didn't see her blush there, and my imagination can only supply me with a poor imitation. I want to hear it so bad again, and see what I missed this time. But I know better than to push. That would be unfair. Just knowing it is enough for me for now. There is no need to rush.
Late into the night, long after Sylphie has gone to sleep, I lie on my back. My face is so hot, and the utter embarrassment won't let me sleep. The girl who loved me, the girl I love — I don't suppose girlfriend is a term in this world, so let's settle on the former – just consoled me over my breakup with my ex. Even more, she held me crying over it. What a bizarre experience. And shameful at that, too. But I wouldn't want to forget it, not ever, not for anything in the world. I'll cherish that memory.
Notes:
Thank you for reading. Any feedback, including but not limited to negative, is always appreciated.
Never expected how hard it is to write character development, but I did my best. Do Rudeus' emotions feel natural here or is there something off? Feel free to point out smaller details.