"Haruno-san, you really need to find yourself a boyfriend."
"Aren't you one?"
"???"
Hikigaya twitched at the corner of his mouth, utterly speechless, as he turned to glance at the radiant, smiling Haruno behind the wheel.
"I'm your sister's boyfriend!"
"Oh, come on, we're all one big family, aren't we? Sharing is caring! My sister's boyfriend is basically the big sister's boyfriend too, you know~"
Turning her head with a mischievous grin, Haruno added:
"Want to try the taste of a sister duo? I bet every guy dreams of having both sisters at once, right?"
"!!"
That seductive smile and teasing tone made Hikigaya's heart skip a beat. But he took a deep breath and calmly shot back:
"True, what guy wouldn't be tempted? Well then, since you're offering, why don't you and Yukino both get ready on the bed next time? I'll make sure to take good care of you two, one at a time."
"Eh?!"
Haruno slammed on the brakes, wide-eyed in shock. She hadn't expected the usually serious Hikigaya to suddenly switch gears like that.
"You… are you serious?!"
"Haha, what's the matter, Haruno-san? Getting scared?"
Hikigaya gave a half-smile, half-smirk.
"!!"
For an instant, Haruno's lovely face flushed red.
As the seasoned fox she was, she could easily see through Hikigaya's intent — clearly, he was messing with her.
Good grief.
She'd fallen for it once before, and now… she'd walked right into it again.
Haruno's chest rose and fell with frustration, but she quickly composed herself, flashing Hikigaya a sweet smile:
"No problem at all~ Since you're saying it so confidently, Hikigaya-kun, let's go on a three-person date this weekend. And then… hehe, the three of us can rent a room together~"
"Eh?!"
"I'll message Yukino-chan right now~"
"Wa-wait a minute!"
"Heehee~ I'll just tell her it was Hikigaya-kun's idea, that he wants to enjoy both sisters~ Oh, I can't wait to see the look on Yukino's face~"
"Haruno-san!"
Hikigaya's expression shifted as he lunged to grab Haruno's phone.
"Heehee, trying to snatch your onee-chan's phone? Hikigaya-kun, do you really think you can manage that~?"
"Please don't send it."
"Didn't you say you wanted both sisters?"
"Haruno-san, okay, okay, I admit I was wrong, alright?"
"Nope~ Just once, okay? And when the time comes, hehe, how about onee-chan goes first? Let Yukino-chan watch~ How does that sound~?"
Haruno's smile was dazzling, practically glowing with delight.
Meanwhile, Hikigaya's scalp was tingling.
The idea of the Yukinoshita sisters — those bickering sisters — in the same room? He couldn't even begin to imagine the chaos.
"Haruno-san, please, put the phone down. I was just joking earlier."
Hikigaya made a desperate grab for her phone.
Since they were pulled over by the roadside, Hikigaya had already secretly unbuckled his seatbelt.
Half of his body leaned over into the driver's seat to stop Haruno.
However…
This was a sports car. The cramped space worked against him.
And to his growing horror, Hikigaya's entire face ended up landing squarely on Haruno's thighs.
"Ah? Hikigaya-kun, why is your head…?"
"S-sorry! Sorry!"
Hikigaya quickly pulled his face away.
That was dangerously close!
He'd landed right on her upper thighs.
"It's fine if it's you, Hikigaya-kun~ Onee-chan doesn't mind at all… hmm?"
Suddenly, Haruno noticed something, squeezing her legs together nervously.
"Why are you staring at my thighs like that?"
"N-no reason."
Hikigaya quickly turned his head away.
"Hehe, no reason?"
Haruno chuckled softly:
"Let me ask you: do you think onee-chan's legs are smooth? Want to lick them?"
"…"
"Heehee, if you want, I can let you~ Sneaking glances at onee-chan's legs like that, you really are a little greedy kitten~"
"I'm not looking at your legs! I was wondering why… why there's this faint smell coming from you. Don't tell me you wet yourself or something? No, that can't be it…"
Hikigaya couldn't help muttering under his breath, unable to handle Haruno's teasing.
But the moment the words left his mouth, he instantly regretted it.
Hina froze like a statue, her face flushing bright red at a speed visible to the naked eye.
"Hikigaya-kun… what did you just say?"
"Eh?"
"Say that again. What did you just call me, hmm?"
"N-nothing, nothing at all."
Hikigaya forced an awkward laugh:
"What I meant was, Haruno-san, your scent is the best in the world! No woman's fragrance could possibly compare to yours."
"F-fragrance? That's not what you just said! Didn't you just accuse me of—"
"N-no, no! I didn't say anything like that! I only meant that Haruno-san, you smell amazing — the scent of a mature woman…"
"Hmph~ Compared to Yukino-chan?"
"Of course you're better."
In order to calm the demon queen's fury, Hikigaya answered without hesitation.
Yukino, I'm sorry! This is for the sake of survival — your sister is too terrifying!
"Really? You think onee-chan's better than Yukino?"
"Uh… yeah."
Hikigaya nodded stiffly, then quickly reminded her:
"Come on, let's drive. We've been parked by the road too long, we're blocking traffic."
"Alright, alright."
Seeing Hikigaya admit defeat so thoroughly, Haruno didn't push it further and restarted the car.
Along the way, her thighs occasionally squeezed together with odd little movements. Hikigaya, of course, noticed — but he didn't dare think too deeply about it, much less ask.
Finally.
After what felt like endless suffering, Hikigaya was freed from his ordeal.
"Think about onee-chan's proposal, okay~?"
Before leaving, Haruno couldn't resist teasing him one last time with a sweet, mischievous smile.
Hikigaya let out a resigned sigh, brushing her off perfunctorily.
Once the terrifying demon queen was gone, Hikigaya made his way home.
Pushing open the door—
"I'm home."
He called out casually as he stepped inside, only to find his little sister Komachi sprawled out on the sofa, chatting excitedly on the phone.
"I've got tons of photos of my brother, you know~ I'll send them to you right now, hehe. There are even a few of him in the bath — I secretly took them… Eh? You really want them? Mm-hm, okay, I'll send them all over~"
"HAH?!?!"
Hikigaya, who had been perfectly calm just moments ago, instantly widened his eyes and rushed over.
"Komachi, you secretly took photos of me?!"
"Eh?"
Startled by Hikigaya's sudden appearance, Komachi nearly dropped her phone.
But—
Thanks to her excellent nerves, she immediately recovered, flashing a sweet, innocent smile:
"Welcome home, Onii-chan~ Hey, how about we go see Ai-chan's concert tomorrow night?"
"Ai-chan?"
Hearing that, Hikigaya instantly realized who Komachi had been sending the photos to. Exasperated, he stepped forward and snatched her phone, ready to delete everything.
"Don't send weird photos to Hoshino Ai-san! Delete them all— wait, hang on, how do you even have full-body naked shots of me?!"