'when did I become so ...selfish?'
Again and again he remembered, not to lose himself, to not get defeated by the will of the non-living, to not get influenced by the strain of echoes. August was ready to face anything echoes might throw at himself but there was something he failed to take into account ...the presence of his mother.
August came to this trial class today, just to find whatever he could by attending the damn thing. He never knew that he might very well become the centre of attention, that too in the worst possible way.
When he fell into his mother's scheme, things were in control even then. He managed to do just what he wanted. To break the unbreakable ice and avoid becoming a laughing stock before all. Which also doesn't mean that he wanted some kind of heroic glory and the credit all for himself.
If anything, he wanted the exact opposite of that. But the problem was his situation which made it difficult for him to do his work and get lost in some dark alley of memories.
Therefore he showed them how it's done and tried to be as vague in his explanations as he could so that the rest of the students would only remember him as some smart jerk with an attitude problem. He wanted his impression of himself on the rest of them to be as little as it could get.
But things rarely go as planned. August had to support his mother, mostly when she got stuck in that situation only because of him. He had to take responsibility for his own mess.
August concentrated his mind on one thing only as he managed to divert it from the unnecessary thoughts in that moment— to form a spell.
The scale, type, duration ...doesn't matter.
August knew well what he was going to get himself into. Who could've known the dangers or the pressure of echoes on one's mind better than himself?
Well, it wasn't like there was no hope though.
If not more, that was the most ideal situation an ambivalent could get in order to find a core element.
A large number of mages of different caliber have unique elements anchoring them to their perception of innate mana. Their presence alone could influence the very presence of elements attached to them.
Which meant if nothing, there was a large number of lessers and also greater elements present in that grand hall. For an ambivalent like August their presence was like a feast. He had a variety of options to choose from. To use them and replace in a limited amount of time to judge the elements if or if not really are they aligned with his compatibility.
All the important stuff however, was dependent on none other than August himself.
On his endurance.
On his mental resilience. With the mindset of doing something ...something that no one had done before.
However, the tough barrier of the facade of his imagination broke. No ..it crumbled to the ground when he thought it was very close to his goal. There was no guarantee that he could make out alive or worse— sane from that mind hex he put himself on.
While the task was very hard and heavy to pull, the tears of his mother weighed higher than that.
August backed off the second he remembered who he was and who would be left behind if he were to give his life or worse, his sanity to this stupid gamble of his.
The echoes got louder as he fell helplessly on the ground. The density of air around him shifted, he was unarguably in his most vulnerable state. The problem however was there were too many elements present, be it may of greater influence or the lesser ones.
The strong ones fought each other not letting their counterparts take an ounce of his innate mana all to make that their own. August felt this little fight for sometime, then suddenly all the voices in his head grew silent. As though everyone was reluctant to talk.
No one made a noise. His mind began to lose consciousness slowly. His eyes were open but he wasn't able to make anything out of his vision though. The senses grew numb, he felt ...nothing.
Then at last his teary eyes finally gave up and August lay helplessly on the ground.
Unconscious.
—
Moments later, August felt a sharp pain piercing him through the very being of his soul. It was like something no …many things from outside were trying to devour him whole. He felt their will to erase him completely out of his existence. August fought his way out. It was like fighting against himself, his own beliefs.
Many voices which still resounded in his ears and the echoes of them left behind, made him try to scream for his life. But for some reason, he couldn't do just that.
Then a sudden sense of realisation came to him. He recalled why he was in this state.
Opening his eyes, August felt dizzy. Of Course the pain was still there. But now it was kind of …sufferable. He saw a wooden ceiling carved with excellent craftsmanship. He always wondered, who would've been the artist to carve such elegant flower patterns on this type of hard and brittle wood.
He saw a long glassy window covered with transparent curtains. Of course the surroundings weren't alien to him. It was his own room after all. Judging from the incoming light, it seemed as though the Sun was about to rise.
August tried to stand but his body wasn't in the condition to move, even. He looked at himself covered in burns and bruises which were indeed covered by bandages.
'Figures'
Understood immediately as he recalled what has transpired to land himself in such a state. Lying on the bed he was surprised to see his father, still asleep on the chair at the corner of the room.
'Why is he?...'
This wasn't a big surprise as his parents were quite protective towards him. Considering the state he was in, it was all but given. Where was his mother though?
That was the moment when August finally realised why he wasn't experiencing any echo around him. He looked at the room hurriedly. The window looked just as it did before. Then he looked carefully.
The white radiance which was coming from the window wasn't sunlight at all. Whatever his condition may be, he rushed towards the window. As he opened the curtains, his eyes widened from shock. The warm sunlight made its way through the glassy window when August finally came to a realisation.
'A …B–Barrier?'
Indeed, it was an icy white barrier surrounding not only his room, but their house completely. Inside the whole area was completely out of range from any element. No matter its influence.
August gasped in worry more than amazement of the spell of this level. He knew more than anyone else the caster of that. Not to mention he also knew how much energy and mental resilience is needed to keep the structure around them intact.
'Mom!'
He ran as fast as the realisation struck him like a hammer. To maintain this barrier his mother has to be at the centre. Which was undoubtedly their living room considering it was the whole mansion under the protection.
Ignoring the pain and agony which burned every time he made his body move– he descended the stairs in the same hurry. Panting heavily, his worried gaze searching for her finally fell on a woman sitting on a wooden chair. The light was dim, dark enough to hide everything but her worrisome face.
August felt mostly protected from the echoes till now. One could even say, he wasn't able to sense even the presence of single element around him. Not inside his house that is. After arriving in this room however, he felt something similar than the presence of a great element. Mana particles felt as though gathered around in that dark corner.
Not that it was bothering him though. No voices. No echoes. Nor he could sense the will of that element. With the freezing cold sensation, it was simply ...there.
August saw his mother staring at the wall with a distant gaze. Her red ruby eyes seemed lifeless. The radiance she carried with her flawless body seemed to be fading. Her skin looked like it never did before. Wrinkled and paled.
However, a glint of light appeared in her eyes the moment she saw him standing right before her. Two corners of her lips curled upwards in a faint smile. The light on her beautiful face also seemed to return as she gathered her remaining strength and said something only a mother could say at a time like this, her voice hoarse,
"W–why aren't you resting in your bed?'
August felt weak in the knees. His sense and self worry seemed to be gone in that instant. Now however, there was someone else he was worried about. Looking straight into the seemingly lifeless eyes of his mother, he felt …afraid. She was in a state he had never seen before. Judging by the bags under her eyes she seemed deprived from sleep for god knows how many days. She made herself look like she was alright but the wrinkles on her face said something else completely. She spoke, like she never did before. She seemed …exhausted.
It was true that one could do almost anything in the world using their core element or any element around them. But the power doesn't come without a cost. Forming spells of high intensity or making use of an element of greater influence could very well take a toll on the caster's body and health of course.
While it was true with greater elements, the lesser ones also weren't that easy to deal with. Using spells from them for a long period of time also could affect the caster heavily. And if used at the point of breaking, the backlash would and definitely would hit the caster with an intensity greater than any form of physical damage.
So was the condition of his mother today. Judging from the accumulation of mana particles of an element of higher influence, she was maintaining the barrier for quite a while for now. There was no telling how it might affect her.
August took a long breath before answering. Ignoring the pain from his physical as well as mental bruises he walked slowly towards her. As he approached her suddenly a memory of the distant past came to him.
—
On a winter afternoon, the gentle, warm sunlight fell upon a wooden verandah. A beautiful woman with dark hair and red ruby eyes sat on it. She was carrying a boy in her arms. Her son was an adorable child with hair like her but in a deeper shade and his eyes were dark with a hint of red in them.
Suddenly, something moved in the bushes nearby. A birdlike creature flew from between the green leaves into the sky. The child let out a scream and hid his face in his mother's embrace.
The boy seemed scared by the sudden appearance of the creature.
The beautiful woman smiled, caressing the back of her son gently, her voice soft and gentle, "what happened? Is my baby boy afraid?"
The boy however did not respond but made his grip around his mother even tighter. Then he said, raising his head to face his mother with teary eyes,
"Don't worry momma, birdie won't hurt you. I will protect you"
His mother looked proud and overjoyed to see his protectiveness towards her. She smiled as her skin glistened in the warm radiance of sunlight.
—
While the fragments of memory were hazy, the feelings he ought to carry lay fresh, still deep within his conscience. Feelings and the words. Which kept resounding in his ears again and again.
His own words, "I will protect you …mom i will protect…"
He began to doubt himself. What was that? Was that a false promise? Looking at the condition before him, the promise indeed felt false enough. His intentions, all a lie. His words …hollow.
August had a strong reason to believe his inner voice. He was the one who put his mother through this after all.
Doesn't matter if he willingly did or not.
August gulped and answered her, in the best tone he could muster up at that time,
"How can i go to sleep without your bedtime stories, mom?"
—————