I woke up at the sound of the church bell signalling that it is 6pm and time for evening prayers and mass. I had dozed off while lying in front of the Grotto and I guess my Mother must have woken up for dinner. I hurriedly made my way out of the grotto and just then I saw Rev Fr. Geoffrey entering the chapel, I immediately scampered to hid behind the hibiscus flowers planted just outside the gate of the grotto. Honestly, I was not ready to answer questions as to why I have been absent mostly for choir practice and then afterwards compelled to join in the evening mass.
I ran back to the Castle through the back gate and headed straight to my room to refresh my face and change out of my dress as it was already stained with dirts from laying down on the floor.
As I put on my new dress, I paused a bit and swallowed hard, while staring at my reflection on the mirror. I really needed someone to talk to at that moment. I combed out my hair and tied it upwards as I usually do.
I decided to shrug off the feeling of dejection and despair as I walked out of my room.
I sat down on the table waiting for the arrival of my Mother. Just then she walked in wearing her night robe designed with embroidery.
Dinner was served and we ate in a very quiet atmosphere. I made sure to not to poke at my food so as not to raise any suspicion,especially from my Mother as she was always staring at my plate. I could barely savour the sweetness of the meal as it tasted so bland in my mouth.
"I'm leaving very early in the morning, you might be asleep and we won't see each other"
"Why so early?" I asked concernedly ,
"The ceremony is to kickoff properly tomorrow and I need to be there on time"
"Alright, do have a safe trip and make sure you have plenty of rest too, you worry too much"
I sensed a flicker of grin that was immediately covered with a mean face and pouty lips, on her face.
"Anyway, try to always eat, stop skipping your meal, you already look skinny".
She got up and headed back to her bedchamber while I sat back to finish up my meal. My gaze drifted back to the kitchen door way as I can't seem to forget what happened earlier this afternoon, my thoughts swirled back and forth and I ached with so much jealousy.
" I need to go back to my room" I thought.
Instead, I found myself tiptoeing towards the servants quarters in silent calculated steps. I found Leo bent close in deep conversation with Elleanore, they looked so serious and he was making gestures with his hands while she listened.
For a moment, I froze, with my hands shaking in anger.
Then suddenly, his eyes caught mine , I turned immediately, sweeping my dress against the stone and ran to my room.
I closed the door and got on my knees.
"Lord, I know this is not right, but forgive me , I cannot help it" I prayed again. I guess the angels will definitely recognise me no because, honestly I'm losing my virtuous mind and I can't help it.
It was past midnight when I heard a soft knock on my door. I felt a tingle rush down my spine, it was if my whole senses is aware of who is knocking . I immediately opened the door and my guess was right.
"Leo" I whispered in shock.
It's been long he knocked on my door and right now I didn't know what to expect considering what played out today and since the last time we had an encounter.
"My sunshine" he whispered back.
I shifted a little away from the door to allow him come inside and immediately locked the door.
"Forgive me but I really needed to see you"
He took a step closer towards me, and held my hand lightly.
I swallowed so hard as it seem like I suddenly have a patched throat.
"She mean nothing to me,she has been flirty towards me and I cannot deny that I have played along , but that was all, we didn't do anything, though she tried but I can't do that to you " he said while his heartbeat rasp against his shirt. I could sense the sincerity in his voice but I couldn't bring myself to believe him.
"I don't think there is any need for you to explain yourself to me", I replied nonchalantly.
"Deny it all you want, but I see you all the time….. the way you stare at me, I know the circumstances surrounding us is the reason you are in denial but know that my body, soul and mind yearns for you everyday".
"Why?" I whispered, "why were you alone with her in the kitchen with the doors closed, I also saw you both together at the quarters in a serious conversation"
"You saw that too?" He flinched.
"Yes I saw that" I answered.
He leaned forward, with pain etched all over his handsome face. He then cupped my chin with his hands and looked into my eyes,
" My sunshine" he cooed, What you saw in the kitchen, this afternoon was a moment of weakness on my part, I actually thought that since I was rejected by you that I would never have had a chance with you again , I noticed also that you were avoiding me , hence I tried to play into Elleanore's flirty gimmicks"
"Seeing the hurt in your eyes really made me realise that perhaps I should have fought harder for you instead I ignored you all this while and I'm so so sorry, my sunshine".
His soft sweet voice made my knees so weak.
" Leo", I whispered softly, my voice shaking.
"You are everything I desire", his gaze flickered to my lips and back to my eyes,making me to feel knots around my belly.
" Oh my goodness,I really want to have a taste of your lips, if you don't mind?"
His bold request took me unaware but of course what was I expecting, I feel the same need to kiss him and forget myself in his beautiful chiseled arms worn out with labor.
"I don't think…."I made to protest, but he swiftly claimed my lips with his, while still cupping my chin, he then glided his free hand to rest on the small of my back. I melted in his warmth.
His lips manoeuvred mine with so much perfection that my body naturally yearned for more touch. I unconsciously pressed my hands against his rocky chest while savouring the blissful feeling of his lips against mine.
It was so peaceful.
I let out a deep moan, and he immediately disentangled himself from me.
"I'm so sorry, My sunshine, I can't go further than this, I don't trust myself".
He immediately turned and walked out of the door without looking back.
I buckled over my knee and immediately fell on my bed, my heart kept pounding through my chest. I have never been kissed before, yes, it's true that I have always fantasized about it was nothing like all my fantasies.
The touch of his hands lefts tingles all over me which is already melting into desire.
"Oh my God,what has gotten into me" I thought while looking down at the statue placed not far from my vanity.
I was a bit shaken by the fact that I was ready to surrender my Body and purity without a second thought.
" Oh God please forgive me" I prayed silently.
The next day, my Mother was already gone by the time I woke up from sleep. I tried to carry on my normal acrivities, but the sparks of yesterday night still linger in all the nooks and crannies of my body and mind.
I had my breakfast in a hushed quietness, whilst drowning in thought.
"Sally!"
A male familiar voice echoed behind me, shattering the quiet atmosphere that I was enjoying. I recognise the voice so well and I know it's Chris's as he is the only one that addresses me by my name without any form of endearment, I really don't know what makes my parent think that he is the one for me. I still don't understand why they think that anything meaningful will grow between us. I'm just so grateful that I already told my Fatjer how I felt, therefore convincing my Mother with his support will definitely be a smooth process, but then I have to be very courteous and respectful as not to raise any suspicion.
"Oh Chris, you are back?" I pitched my voice, forcing it to sound excited. But then I guess he wasn't awed as he rather slid into a chair instead of seeking for a warm embrace.
"Excited much?" he asked with a raised brow. I didn't see the need to reply so I just nodded while stuffing the food in my mouth.
" I hear you are home alone?" He asked again, I guess he was expecting an answer from me as he paused for some time. "I came to announce my arrival and also to discuss the way forward with our arrangements, you know your birthday is coming up soon so we need to hasten up with the wedding preparations"
The sudden mention of wedding preparation made me want to throw up but I had to play along so,I smiled, which regrettably was caught by Leo who I didn't know have been standing at the door staring at us . I didng know he has beeen standing there all this while. I felt am impulsive emotions to actually run to him and inform him that nothing of such will ever happen between Chris and I, but that will only make the matter more complicated and difficult as it already is. I'd rather we continue nursing out feeling secretly than to make it public now and face humiliation.
" I would like us to go out, alone and enjoy some peace and quietness, just as couples would". He added immediately.
"I'm sorry but I have some things I need to attend to, I'm so sorry, maybe some other time"I replied hastily. I really needed him to go as I'm already feeling suffocated by his presence and I need to speak with Leo alone and as soon as possible.
I know omits hard on him already and we also need to talk about what happened between us and he needs to know that we are not to tell our secret to anyone until I figure out a way for us. I know my 18th birthday is around the corner and the fact that I am finally going to achieve my heart desires is something that I'm almost grateful for and I can't wait for my parents to return so we can have a proper discussion.
"Whatsoever it is, I believe it can wait, I just want to spend time with you, we can as well make good use of this opportunity as your parents is not around, we need to explore more" he made to touch but I swiped my hands out of his reach making him to hit his knuckles on the hard wood. He let out a painful whimper.
" I'm so I sorry, hope you are not hurt?" I asked concerndly, he stood up in anger and left.
I really didn't mean to hurt him but then I hate the idea of being touched by him.