**[Monica's apartment] [Danial's POV]**
I was sitting on the couch with Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey watching *E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial*, which— even in this world —is still awesome.
We had just finished having lunch, which I should say was exquisite… Monica's really good chef.
*I should open a restaurant for her*—a thought flashed through my head, but I locked it away for now, It's not the time yet…
"This is my favorite part," Monica said in a sobbing voice, pointing at the scene where E.T. is about to leave.
"Yeah, mine too," Phoebe chimed in with the same tone but then she pivoted herself towards Monica and said, "You know what's sadder than this? *Bampy*. I cried for three days with that movie—no, wait, two, 'cause on the third day my mother killed herself, so I was partly crying for that."
Chandler, said, "Now that I can see crying over, but —*Bambi* —is a cartoon." Breaking the awkward silence that was about to form…
"You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?" Joey asked him in a somewhat emotional tone.
"Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer," Chandler deadpanned at him.
"You know there's nothing wrong with crying once in a while… No one is going to laugh at you or think that you're weak. No need to be macho all the time," Monica said while glancing between me and Chandler.
I, on the other hand, was trying to not give her a chance to direct this discussion toward me, so I just kept my eyes on the T.V., which Monica seeing me ignore her turned off…
"I am not macho," Chandler said while looking at Monica , bringing her attention back to him amd off of me….
"Yeah, you're right.— I don't know what I was thinking," Monica told him while shaking her head.
"I guess I never really cried… I'm not a crying kinda guy," Chandler said ignoring her subtle jab
"Come on, man! There's gotta be something that gets you choked up," Joey said. "For example: What if you saw, uh, a three-legged puppy?"
"I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry," Chandler nonchalantly replied.
"Okay, what if the puppy said, *Help me, Chandler! All the other puppies pick on me!*" Joey once again said, trying to get Chandler emotional.
"Cry? I just found a talking puppy. I'm rich!" Chandler answered in a somewhat over enthusiastic tone which was not well-received by Joey.
"Danial, you're a doctor!! Tell him he's crazy…" Phoebe said demandingly, bringing me into the spotlight of the conversation.
"Ugh, Phoebe…" I muttered.
I was golden. I was just sitting here being the side character. I didn't make a sound just so I wouldn't be involved in this discussion with Monica, because I know I will say something Monica wouldn't like, and then she'd keep trying to fix me.
"Uh, I think Chandler just doesn't connect with the stories as much as you guys do, and that's fine. Maybe he needs something more personal?," I told the group, making it all about Chandler again.
"Oh, I've got it! I've got it!" Monica said as she sprung up from the couch towards the drawers, she opened one and took a book from there "Pictures from your childhood—this will get you going good…" .
I also stood up, went to the kitchen, took a chair, and positioned it behind the couch right behind Monica—what? Just because I don't want to get into the whole feelings thing doesn't mean I don't want to see the picture.
Chandler opened the album reluctantly, landing on a picture that drew Phoebe's attention to it. "Alright, what's going on there?" she asked him, pointing at the picture of kid Chandler standing side by side next to a man in a gray uniform…
"Oh, that's Parents' Day, first grade, and that's me and the janitor— Martin," Chandler explained
"Where are your parents?" Monica blurted her question as soon as he finished speaking.
"Oh, they didn't wanna come," Chandler replied nonchalantly.
"Oh, Chandler." "Poor thing." "That story doesn't make you cry?" Monica and Phoebe said one after the other, with Phoebe being the one asking about how he felt.
"No, look, I don't cry, okay?
It's no big deal!!" Chandler said.
"No, it's not okay. It's not okay at all. You're dead inside," Joey exclaimed while pointing at Chandler, making me laugh a little.
I should not have done that….
"What's funny about that?" Joey asked pointedly, making everyone look at me.
"Well, it's nothing really. I just think you're overreacting. People process emotions in different ways. Chandler not crying is really not a big deal," I said, which I now realize was a wrong move on my part based on the way Monica is looking at me.
*I should have left while I could.*
"Well, if you're an expert on emotions, why don't you tell us how *you* deal with yours?" Phoebe said while looking intently at me, making me think this whole thing was a setup designed by them.
"Uh, alright. For me, Most of the time, I just do surgeries and save lives, it brings me peace of mind while sometimes I just eat sweets, or write stuff—it all depends on what emotions I feel at the time. Plus, my brain works in a different way, so I process most of my emotions right away," I told them.
what I said isn't bullshit, I have a perk called emotional processing which helps me relief my emotions by doing different things but they didn't need to know that Plus with this maybe I wouldn't have a Monica hounding me trying to fix me..
"Uh-huh. Okay, I've got nothing to say to that. Monica?" Phoebe said, deflecting toward Monica.
"Okay,— I don't buy it, —but okay," Monica said while giving me the suspicious Monica look.
"Anyway, enough about that. I want to know the story of this picture," I said while pointing to a picture of Chandler in a princess dress standing next to a man in a slutty nurse costume and another in a cop costume.
"Ah, the Halloween of Shame. This is a picture of that One Halloween when I was five, my father decided to take me trick-or-treating, where we ended up meeting Officer David, my dad's 'friend' at the time…" Chandler said with a sarcastic laugh.
"Oh, honey," Monica said while rubbing his arm in a comforting way.
"Hey, it's okay. Really. Plus, I ended up getting a lot of candy from uncomfortable couples we visited that Day so it's all good."
"Okay, what about this one?" This time it was Joey who pointed at a picture.
"Oh, that's…"
We managed to see a lot of Chandler's baby pictures, which most of them were just plain embarrassing.
I could see why he turned out to be like this….
Joey then went to work after that, and Phoebe went with him. I on the other hand went back to my apartment to take a nap because I didn't have anything else to do…
---
I was back at Monica's apartment later that evening because she made this delicious chocolate soufflé and invited me—plus I was free, everything I have is being taken care of so I didn't need to be there for anything really
And that's the story how I ended up being trapped here, listening to Rachel complain about her sister for the past ten minutes.
"I'm jealous of her?!! I mean, who does she think she is?? Princess Caroline??" Rachel said in an angry tone….
"You're jealous of Princess Caroline?" Monica asked, not knowing what else to say.
"Do I have my own castle??" Rachel retorted in reply, sounding exasperated.
The door to the apartment was suddenly opened with Ross and Joey entering in a hurry, looking weirder than usual. Greeting everyone, Ross asked, "Phoebe's not here, is she?" While looking around , Monica answered him, saying, "No."
"Oh, did you guys bring a movie?" Monica asked, noticing the plastic bag with a logo of a movie store on it.
Ross and Joey looked at each other, with Joey rubbing the back of his neck.
"Yeah, yeah—but I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like," Joey answered while looking suspiciously uneasy and weird.
"You didn't bring us more movies that would have us reaching for the tissues all night, did you?" Chandler deadpanned .
Joey and Ross looked at each other again and then nodded their heads, Joey answering, "Sort of ~"
"Guys, what's going on?" Monica asked, getting tired of the situation a little.
Joey shook his head as if debating what to do then reached into the plastic bag, took out the movie case, and said, "Phoebe is a born star!!!"
"What?" "What?" "Huh!!!" "Oooh!"
"What are you saying? Let me see that!!" Chandler said as he took the film from Joey.
"*Phoebe Buffay in BuffaytheVampireLayer*," Chandler read the title written on the case.
"Oh my god," Rachel said while chuckling.
"That's Phoebe! Where did you get that?" Monica asked.
I took the film case from her hand and looked at it. I knew right then that this wasn't Phoebe. True, they were identical, but the one in the photo had what looked like a birthmark on her collarbone plus her nose was a little bit crooked, Phoebe doesn't have either.
"From the adult video place down on Bleecker St.," Joey answered Chandler while gesturing with his hand indicating the location..
"And… and I saw Joey was about to go in, so I went ahead of him to surprise him… hehe… and then… hehe… then I pretended that I didn't know he was in there," Ross said, and I knew he was lying because of the high-note voice and the squeaky laughing in between sentences.
"Pffffffttt, dude, you were good. Nobody would have known you were in the adult video store, nor would they have cared to know. But you had to dig your own grave, didn't you?" I said not even trying to hold back my laughter, making Ross scrunch his face and do his whiny twirl thing he does when he's mad and embarrassed at the same time but can't do anything about it — the one where he hit the ground with his legs, put his finger between his teeth and twirl…..
The rest of the guys just stared at Ross with varying expressions. Joey gave him a puzzled look, as if wondering why Ross would lie about something like that. Chandler gave him a pitying look, Monica gave him a disdainful one, while Rachel gave him a ridiculing one.
Still, this didn't last long as Rachel brought the attention of the group back to the tape, saying, "Wow, I still can't believe this. You know—you think you know someone. Even Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a question mark."
"This is so bizarre. I guess it does make sense, though. She had a terrible childhood," Monica said while flipping the movie cover case.
"I had a terrible childhood, and I don't do porn," Chandler said while shaking his shoulder.
"Dude, it's not a competition," I whispered to him, but Monica was more vocal as she said, "Yeah, but you're dead inside," and got an approval "Yeah" from the rest.
"Anyway, look, I better take that back," Joey said while gesturing to Monica to give him the tape.
"What? Why?" Monica and Rachel asked.
"We can't watch that. I mean, it's Phoebe!!" Joey answered them.
"Yeah, you're right. We shouldn't watch this," Monica said and extended her hand to give Joey the tape.
"Yeah, better take it back." "Yeah."
"Maybe just a little bit," Monica said, changing her mind and snatching the tape before Joey could get a hold of it. "Yeah, maybe just the first half," Rachel chimed in as they moved toward the VCR to start the film.
"Guys, this is wrong. Phoebe is our friend!" Joey exclaimed.
"I'm not gonna watch it," he then said.
"Yeah, good for you, Joey," Ross said as he patted Joey on the shoulder before turning around and joining the group.
I would tell them it's not Phoebe, but this whole situation is entertaining for me, so I joined them instead, leaving Joey alone in the kitchen with his back facing the television.
{The movie started with music and then zoomed in on Phoebe's lookalike—her twin, I think—who was holding a wooden stake in her hand. The casket opened, showing a guy in a cliché vampire attire, making the actress say: "Oh, I thought I would find you here, Nasfratool…"
The vampire looked at her and said: "Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?"
The actress: "Actually, I was kinda hoping it would be the other way around." }
I found this scene funny, so I chuckled a little.
"Wait a second, what's that on her ankle?" Monica asked.
"Her ankle is what you're watching?" Chandler retorted.
Rachel stood up and got closer to the T.V. to see what Monica was talking about. "It's hard to tell," she said. "Oh gosh, if she would just stop moving…"
"She's just doing her job," Rachel quipped sarcastically.
"You sick bastards!" Joey exclaimed from the kitchen, making Chandler and Ross look at him.
"It's a tattoo!!" Rachel exclaimed while pointing at the TV. "That's weird. Phoebe doesn't have…" She stopped talking and took another look. "Wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe. That is Ursula!" she said and sat down on the table in front of the TV.
"Wait!! I can watch that! Rewind it, rewind it!" Joey yelled as he scrambled to come sit closer to watch the film.
That was when Phoebe walked into the apartment, saying, "Heeey! What's up?" and then she saw the TV and yelled, "Oh my god!! What am I doing!! What am I doing!"—hands on her mouth in shock—making the whole group turn to her with various reactions.
Thus proving I was right about the situation being funny... Because I found it hilarious.
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