Waking up at the sound of the lunch bell, I found myself resting my head on Hyeonjin's shoulder with his arm around my waist.
My heart immediately sped up and I could feel my face become warmer.
"Ah… Hyeo, Hyeonjin." I awkwardly straightened up and rearranged my tousled hair. "Sorry. I must've been more tired than I thought."
"Did you stay up too late?"
He looked at me worriedly, his angular eyebrows furrowed deeply.
"I just woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep."
I gave a smile, trying to play it off, but he just continued to stare at me silently.
"…It was only a nightmare, so I'm fine…" I trailed off as the realization hit me.
My nap was free of dreams, let alone nightmares! It was a refreshing and peaceful slumber, starkly different from the previous night.
Does it only happen at night?
At my increasingly confused expression, Hyeonjin put his hand to my forehead, checking my temperature. Snapping back to reality, I reassured him.
"I'm not sick."
"Okay… Just… tell me if you ever need something. I'll come running."
Despite the funny wording, his gentle gaze made it all the more comforting. Eventually I nodded and we headed to the rooftop to eat lunch.
When we reached our destination, I couldn't help but take a moment to silently admire the fiery shades of leaves below. The sea of vermilion and cool wind lifted my mood.
This view reminded me of the first time we met, just it wasn't on a school rooftop, but a hospital one instead.
I was 10 at the time, nearing the end of my rehabilitation period after a successful tumor removal surgery, yet my hospital ward was never visited nor did I recieve a get-well present. I was alone from beginning to end.
One day, during a bout of depression, I felt that my ward was too lonely and suffocating, so I had come to the rooftop for some fresh air. And there Hyeonjin was, staring down at the sunny clusters of treetops, his face impassive as the damp wind ruffled his hair.
I found his scrawny figure somewhat pitiful, standing still against the barred gates that prevented patients from ending it all. Or perhaps… I found myself relating to him in a way.
Without a word, not even a glance, I approached and stood beside him. We both gazed at nothing in silence, and I initially felt awkward, yet I quickly found solace in the quiet company of a fellow kid who's mood matched that day's gloomy autumn clouds.
Such a sad sob story, I know, but now I just see it as the twist of fate that brought us together! We were both so down and out around that period, that if we hadn't met at then, we probably wouldn't even have taken the intiative to acknowledge each other. It was only because we recognized each other from that day that we had wordlessly agreed to sit together.
"It's really nice out!"
Today, there was not a gloomy autumn cloud in sight, only making my mood all the cheerier.
I turned to look at Hyeonjin with sparkling eyes. My vision was just a little bit blurred, but I wasn't feeling sad, only the opposite.
I had naturally expected Hyeonjin to be looking at the scenery as well. However, instead of his gaze turning towards me, it was already focused on me as if he had been looking at me the entire time.
At that moment, a strange thought popped into my mind. Did Hyeonjin look at me like that back then…? I wouldn't have known, mostly because I was actively trying not to turn my head to him, afraid it might bother or disturb him.
It was unlikely. We hadn't exchanged a word, knew each other's names, or even knew of each other's existence until then. The gaze Hyeonjin was showing right now was not one you could casually cast on a person you just met.
Yet, against all reason, the thought made my mind soften as if turning into mush and my body became slightly weak.
My offline reasoning: Woah! Such a big reaction! Something's up!
My online reasoning: Stop thinking about it! Stop!
"L, let's eat!"
I hurriedly turned my gaze away, feeling flustered. Luckily, the jelly feeling quickly faded and my palpitating heart slowed down to a much safer degree. Still fast, but not heart failure fast.
I sat down and leaned my back on the bordering wall, patting beside me to indicate to him to sit down.
However, he just looked down to me with pensive eyes as if he were thinking of something. Confused, I unconsciously tilted my head with a puzzled brow.
"What's wrong?"
"… I want to sit where you're sitting…"
I paused, but quickly scooted to the side without complaints. It was just moving for a few seconds, so I had no qualms about it.
"…"
He plopped down beside me before requesting yet another thing. His tone sounded strangely dissatisfied…
"Stand up… please."
At the polite 'please' added at the end, I chuckled softly, and all of the confusing sensations were washed away as I did so. He was so cute. His tone was like sulking puppy.
"Hehe. Okay."
Standing up, I looked down to him, my eyes curved in slight amusement.
"What now?"
Hyeonjin didn't answer verbally and just held out his hand to me. Easily understanding the message, I grasped his hand without thinking. However, I soon realized that was a mistake as he pulled me down without warning and gently placed me between his legs.
Holy shit! What is he doing?!!
My offline reasoning: Suspicious signs!
My online reasoning: Shit, my heart's beating so fast!!!! Wth?!
I had to calm down. I wriggled subtly within his grasp, trying to show some resistance without losing my shi-
"Don't leave…"
Just as I was about question him, he spoke near my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
"... O… Okay…"
Giving up, I leaned on his chest a little more and squirmed until I found a comfortable position. Then, with clammy hands, I pulled out my lunch. Weirdly, I didn't have much of an appetite and struggled to swallow the bites. After managing to swallow three mouthfuls, I reluctantly put away the sandwhich, momentarily guilty for not finishing it.
The kind, old housekeeper had packed me that lunch. Even though I had suddenly asked for something simple that day, essentially reducing her workload, she had worriedly insisted that I should eat a full meal. According to her, a sandwhich was barely even half the standard quantity.
In the end, she made me a sandwhich like I had wanted, yet I couldn't even eat a quarter of the 'half-meal' she whipped up…
However, being sleep-deprived and still recovering from a near heart-attack, my mind was a mess and I failed to dwell on that for long.
Instead, my mind wandered to what really was bugging me: last night's dream. That dream had left a bad taste in my mouth from the start, but the feeling only intensified the more I contemplated.
Whenever I recalled the dream Hyeonjin's watery eyes after being brutally slapped on the cheek, my chest became unbearably tight.
I really hope I don't dream of something like that again…
But unfortunately, I would inevitably find out later that reality was much crueler than I hoped.
* * *
Hyeonjin buried his face into the crook of Jaeyoungs neck, finding his subtle shivers at every exhale endearing.
He unconsciously breathed in the plum scent, the sweet and slightly tarty fragrance with subtle floral tones invigorating his muddled mind.
In Hyeonjin's perspective, everything around him felt muffled and he often felt himself gradually detach from the world. But just when he begins to teeter on the edge of reality, the radiant Jaeyoung pulls him out of his absentminded darkness and grounds him everytime.
The only thing Hyeonjin could see clearly within the smudged surroundings was Jaeyoung.
His hazel eyes and silky black hair mesmerized him. His soft skin and healthy figure that fitted perfectly in his arms comforted him. His warm and cheery voice along with his animated expressions filled him with emotions that could only be described as euphoria.
He was quite literally Hyeonjin's entire world. All he saw was Jaeyoung and Jaeyoung alone.
Feeling unsatisfied with their position, Hyeonjin wrapped his arms around Jaeyoung, pulling him towards him until he was flat against him.
Thankfully, Jaeyoung didn't seem to care… or maybe he didn't notice at all?
His eyes looked distant as he put away the sandwich that didn't have even a fourth eaten.
Hyeonjin felt unease while observing his detached atmosphere.
"Jaeyoung…?"
He opened his mouth tentatively.
"Huh…? Oh. What's wrong?"
Jaeyoung tilted his head back to meet Hyeonjin's gaze.
"Just… If you're worried about something… or overthinking… then focus on me. Obsessing over things that you can't control will only make you spiral out indefinitely."
Seeing Jaeyoung's expression shift, Hyeonjin intuitively knew he had hit the nail on the head.
"Hehe. You really know me well, huh? Then let's talk about something. Lunch is almost over, so let's walk back to class while we're at it."
His anxious expression melted away, replaced by a smile that shined like the sun. Hyeonjin felt butterflies in his stomach and uncontrollably cracked a wide smile.
Jaeyoung widened his eyes at that moment, before swiftly turning away with a red face.
Cute… So cute…
His smile softened before he tapped Jaeyoung's shoulder so that they could get up and go back to the classroom.
* * *
The nightmares have been getting worse, and now I see them from a first person perspective, feeling everything but incapable of controlling my body.
"Ha! Damn! Fucking! Defective! Alpha!"
Jaeyoung spat each word with every kick to Hyeonjin's gut. They were in an alleyway with Hyeonjin curled up on the ground while Jaeyoung beat him mercilessly.
"Huck…! Agh! P, please sto, urgh!"
Hyeonjin pleaded with tears in his eyes. He couldn't fight back. Even though he was capable of bringing this kid to his knees with just one bout of pheromones, he would undeniably be dealt with by the influential Kang family if he followed through.
No… No, please… Stop it already!
I thought in agony.
I wanted to close my eyes desperately, but they stayed wide open, forcing me to witness the bloody scene. I wanted to plug my ears immensely, but I couldn't, forcing me to hear the gut-twisting groans of the person I cherished most.
I experienced the scenario in its entirety, putting me in so much despair that it could be validly described as a form of torture, an incredibly effective one at that.
The indescribable vividness made it feel so real that I felt an incredibly deep-seated self-loathing.
"Nnnnh… Hahhh…"
When Hyeonjin stopped moving, seeming to have fainted, Jaeyoung finally ceased the beating. He changed clothes, since they were splattered with blood, before turning away indifferently, leaving behind the unconscious boy on the grimy ground of an alleyway.
Is it over?! Please…! Please be over!!!
The horror I felt as I saw Hyeonjin faint and occasionally twitch with a tear-stained face could not be put into words. I could only pray to the benevolent gods above in hopes that it was finally over.
* * *
I woke up heaving, my chest feeling like it was being crushed beneath something heavy as tears fell endlessly. I could barely breathe as I sobbed my heart out.
When the tears finally stopped, I collapsed onto my damp pillow and sniffled my runny nose.
Don't think about it…You'll cry if you do.
I felt my nose sting slightly, but luckily, no tears welled up.
It was the weekend… And I was all alone in this vast and empty house…
I knew I wouldn't be able to handle being alone here. Not after that horrific nightmare. So I picked up my phone, squinting from the brightness, and called Hyeonjin.
Since it was three in the morning, I felt bad for calling him and decided that if he didn't answer, I'd call him later.
Yeah… I can handle a few h-
- Hello? What's wrong Jaeyoung…? Are you okay?
Hyeonjin's drowsy voice played through the phone, and despite crying my heart out just moments ago, tears rapidly filled my vision.
"N, No…"
I spoke softly, my voice shaky and a bit cracked.
- Jaeyoung! Are you okay?!! What's wrong?!
"Mmh… Can you just, hic, come here…?"
My chest eased slightly as I heard his voice that was obviously alright. It wasn't real… It wasn't real, Jaeyoung…
- Yes! I'm coming right now!
I heard loud shuffling and then a door swinging open through the speaker.
"I'm, really s-sorry…"
I felt embarrassed since I couldn't control my stuttering, but Hyeonjin just reassured me in a dependable tone.
- Don't apologize. You don't need to. I'll be there in ten minutes okay? Do you want to stay on the phone?
"…Mhm…"
- Alright.
After that, only white noise could be heard from the other side, but it comforted me more than one could possibly know.
With my head a little clearer, I pulled myself up and headed downstairs to the front door, sitting down on the small bench nearby it.
I wanted to see him as soon as he arrived.
* * *
Hyeonjin woke up abruptly at three in the morning, feeling an awful unease in his gut. It was silent and nothing wrong seemed to be happening, but his anxiety only increased as the digital clock portrayed the passage of time, wrapping around his heart like a snake.
Suddenly, he startled at the sound of his phone ringing.
He swiftly looked at the screen and answered upon seeing the caller id.
"Jaeyoung…?"
- C, can you, come here..?
Hearing the broken emotions in that quiet voice, Hyeonjin's heart dropped to the floor.
He immediately became alert at the soft plea and wasted no time slipping on his shoes and heading to his car hastily.
He drove at the highest legal speed, his eyes distressed as his thoughts dashed around in a panic. Every red light made him feel more anxious, as if he was in a rush to stop a bomb before it killed thousands of people.
At long last, he pulled into the driveway, locked his car with a beep, and approached the house, but before he could even raise his hand to knock, the front door swung open abruptly and a sniffling Jaeyoung immediately pulled him into a strong hug.
The plum fragrance wafting from him was stronger than usual, leading Hyeonjin to think of a certain possibility…
But that thought would have to be reserved for another time because Jaeyoung was the most important thing at the moment.
* * *
I felt instant relief once I was in Hyeonjin's arms. It really was like magic as my breathing gradually steadied within the warm embrace.
After a long time, I reluctantly pulled out of the enfold and tugged him along as I silently headed back to my bedroom.
Groggily climbing onto the mattress and laying down, I raised my arms out towards him, still not saying a word.
Hyeonjin didn't ask anything either and just followed my lead, laying beside me and obediently hugging me once again.
Neither of us spoke, and after feeling the warm and comfortable tranquility, I quickly fell asleep.
* * *
Even after Jaeyoung fell asleep, Hyeonjin continued to lay with him, instinctually feeling like it'd be best to stay.
He had no complaints though because now he could hold Jaeyoung all he wanted.
Relishing his signature sweet smell, Hyeonjin noticed that the plum scent had changed into a different type of fragrance. The balance between sweetness and tartness was noticeably altered, creating a more mellow feeling.
He became more certain the more he thought about it: Jaeyoung might be nearing a late differentiation.
He had heard that there were special recessives whose pheromone scent changed depending on their mood. That seemed to be the most likely type of subcategory for Jaeyoung.
But since he presented as a beta during the mandatory subgender analysis, he clearly was a late bloomer.
Luckily, late differentations lacked the usual susceptibility period because they had more time for the pheromones to balance out.
Experts interpreted the first susceptibility period during differentiation as a reproductive mechanism characteristic to the subgenders.
But since the production of pheromones before differentiation couldn't keep up with natural secretion, the available pheromones would slowly dwindle, meaning that differentiation had to happen early.
It wasn't a good thing to differentiate late since it could cause severe pheromone instability, but if it doesn't happen too late, it can be a very subtle but safe process.
Hyeonjin decided to convince Jaeyoung to go to an ABO specialist when he had the chance.
He wanted to ensure that Jaeyoung wouldn't have any trouble. He wanted to protect him and cherish him.
And, right now, he wanted to fall asleep with him nestled in his arms, surrounded by his scent.