Blood. It tasted quite good to her, especially when it wasn't hers. It had a savory, spikey flavor, which made one wish to enjoy even more of it. She had found that out tonight. She didn't know if she should be happy to find it out.
No, she obviously shouldn't.
She licked her fingers, savoring the flavor longer, in the small house she had grown up in.
13 years. She had grown up in this house for 13 years. That was enough time to become the perfect woman, capable of caring for a home and family. 13 years. That was enough time for four of her 5 older brothers to slowly leave her, one by one, until there were only three children left in this family. 13 years. That was enough time for her mother to succumb to illness and die, abandoned by her three lovers in life.
Her mother had everything a woman could desire: beauty, elegance, grace, humility and gentleness.
What did it get her in the end? To die before 30, in a house in the ghetto with only enough space for a common room, and no hope for the future of her children.
Her first man promised her a future forever, she left her rich family for him. But he was a cultivator and close to ascending when he fell in love, he finally abandoned her to ascend, but she had given birth, and he had taken the child with him. That was her oldest brother. She didn't know his name, her mother had never told it.
Then, she had met her second husband, he was a nobleman. He had already had 9 consorts, and yet didn't hold himself back from her. Chui and Chou born to her mother by him. In that time, he would visit somewhat infrequently, but bring her gifts every time he did so.
In that time, a drunken man, passing through where they humbly lived, ended up forcibly taking her mother, and Shi was born. Later she went to him, after hearing news of him passing through again, asking for the man to take responsibility.
He agreed, and moved in with them, but would grow angry easily, sometimes beating her irrationally, apologizing afterward, leaving for random instances of times and often mistreating her, and so Ye was born. By that time, after Ye had been born, they had had to sell the house to make ends meet and bought a smaller one, with only one room and one bed, in the ghetto district.
The noble man had returned, 2 years after Ye was born.
He had been angry when he found she had cheated on him. Shi had been an accident, but Ye hadn't. He was angry, not even considering that he had abandoned her first, a sickly, weak, beautiful lady with several children to care for. Could one blame her for looking for another husband?
He had taken her one last time in rage, and that was why Hui existed now. So maybe, she ought to thank him for that.
Her mother was even more sickly after birthing her, the father of Shi and Ye rarely visited since they'd moved, and she could barely scrape by, by begging and washing clothes.
Hui found out quickly that when you cried, no one had the energy to care other than perhaps a small pat or a snap to be quiet, and to be thankful to have anything, anything at all, to fill the stomach.
It was only when she was sick that sometimes her mother would take a day off from work, giving her the only bed in their house and sitting by her side, giving her water when she called for it.
But the moment her fever ended, her mother would be gone again, working, tirelessly, to feed them and clothe them.
Shi's father returned at one point, ever since they had moved to the smaller house, they hadn't seen him. He had returned, drunk, and said many beautiful words to their mother, and Chai was conceived. But he left again, before he even knew her to be pregnant. And her mother eventually was unable to get up from bed.
The birth of Chai was bloody, Chui had gone out with Shi to look for a midwife and had come back with a somewhat unknown one, staying at her cousin's house in town that night. By then, much blood was spilt. Hui learnt how to birth babies from the midwife that night. The midwife didn't charge them and even fed the children and baby with her own funds. Her mother remained sickly, even after recovering from the birth, steadfastly feverish in bed.
The midwife wasn't able to stay, she had her own life, she had to go back to her hometown to get married. She was far too poor herself to even call for a doctor for them. Chou informed her of Ye's father, and she left with a promise that she would look for him and send him back to them the moment she found him.
He never did come.
And that was when he appeared, Hui's own father. Perhaps he had always had someone watching them or checking in on them from time to time, and so appeared in her final moments, listening to her last breaths.
He had taken her mother's dying wish to heart and promised to take her children with him-her children who carried his blood.
Hui had refused that honor. She remembered his black beard, his strong bearing and broad back, her brother Chuo couldn't wait at a chance for a better life, a life where they wouldn't starve or be spat on or wear rags. And Chui, after glancing back at them, finally gave in too. Who could blame them? They were 7 and 10, children, children who wanted a proper father and home, to no longer feel hunger.
But her father scoffed as he passed Hui.
"Then you aren't my daughter anymore." were his last words to her.
Shi had glared at them as they left. She couldn't tell if it were jealousy or anger. What did it matter?
"I'm happy for them." Commented Hui, picking up Chai as he woke up. She was only 4, but she knew this child, it was now going to be her responsibility.
"I'm not," Grumbled Shi, he strode out, slamming the door, as hard as an eight year old could. He was angry, angry that his closest brother-chuo-would leave him behind here.
Ye just started crying in the corner. Ye was only six, but his mom was now dead, his father had abandoned them, and two of his brothers had left him.
She tried to take over as her mother since then. She tried to make meals like she remembered. There were only three meals to remember after all, and they fed on porridge, rice and cabbage. Just take the ingredient, add water, and boil. Shi got mad the first couple times she messed up, but a couple punches later, and he nailed the recipes into her head.
As for food, their mother had enough rice and porridge to last a little while, and cabbage leaves could be collected from where old Lu peeled the yellow leaves before heading to market. Old Lu lived next door, his daughter would bring in the cabbages from where she grew them outside town, and he would sell them in the market. They didn't have money to share, but the yellow leaves he was happy to hoard for the kids. The house was so small, no one bothered getting taxes from such a place in the ghetto, even her mother had only bought it for a couple pennies from a beggar. But sometimes a beggar or two would still come in from the rain.
Shi had made friends with other street boys and rarely stayed home during the day anymore, but if a beggar came into their home at night, he would get territorial and play tricks on them, so they found somewhere else to take shelter the next one. Ye finally stopped crying from their mother's death and seemed to like playing with their little brother as much as Hui did.
Right. Chai. He quickly became her precious baby brother. She knew it was wrong to have favorites, but, amongst her brothers, she couldn't help but love him the most. He was cute, sweet, and would smile at the slightest things.
If she had a terrible day, by the time he was one and walking around, he would tug at her sleeve and make a face to cheer her up, and her day would instantly be better.
He followed Ye and her around like an extra shadow. And she would often have to lock the door to keep him inside when she and Ye went scrounging for food. She had fun with Ye, he was like her best friend, and she taught him every trick she discovered. They would hide out in alleys, waiting for restaurants and stores to toss out food. They would go to collect reeds in the river or collect barrels of smooth stones and try to sell them in town in the morning.
They would set fish traps hopefully, only to fail and would hang outside shops hoping for a wealthy pedestrian to pass by, holding out their hands.
She also learnt a couple pickpocketing tricks, but rarely used them, she couldn't risk it. What if Shi decided not to return one night, if she were gone, what would Ye and Chai do?
So she did her best to make friends with neighbors, and sometimes they would pass them scraps, or they would hunker down outside the butcher shop, what they could fight for scraps with the dogs and take them home to boil into broth. That was her favorite dish to have.
Shi was doing better each year, oftentimes returning home to eat nothing, just walking in to pat Ye on the head, make a face a Chai and go to sleep on the bed.
Noone knew where mother was buried, they had worked together to pull her out with old Lu and his daughter's help, and given her to the carter, who picked up dead bodies from the street, Hui had ridden on the back, with Shi, Ye staying home to watch the baby, but eventually the carter had shooed them off, and tailing it, they got shooed off again at the mass gravesite.
But she had an idea where it was, and she put up a couple sticks with Ye's help one day, to mark it. She returned later to find them blown down by the rain and just moved a simple stone over it. She wondered if she moved that stone from someone else's grave, but it didn't matter. She didn't visit again.
When Ye was 7, a cultivator passing by had found he had unprecedented talent for cultivation after awakening his spiritual roots, but after following them home and checking the rest, he had just shaken his head, taking Ye, who cried a little as he went and left behind for them a couple taels of silver.
She hadn't stopped him from taking Ye, Ye was her best friend and brother, but also a simple kid and would get over it quickly the moment he saw mountains of food and men flying on swords.
Neither had Shi, but Shi had kicked the table in frustration and stomped out again. Shi rarely visited the house after that, but he only got fatter than before. He stopped looking as frail and weak as before, getting muscles, sometimes coming home beat up, other times he wouldn't return home at all.
However, he always returned when he was sick or injured, and Hui tended to him, just like their mother had, feeding him broth and cabbage and a little porridge. He would also bring them some coins or a sack of rice as bounties for whatever he was doing.
Old Lu's daughter, Xiaojie, taught her to sew, wash and clean by then, before she got married and moved away with old Lu.
5 was already old enough to start to try to work, even with the money that had been left by the cultivator, Shi had only been able to exchange it for less than a hundred coins. Afterall, who would exchange for more from a 9 year old? And the rice shop wasn't willing to give him more than a sack of rice with the silver left. He was lucky to get anything and not robbed.
She had started by cleaning houses, and by 6, began to wash clothes too, and finally got enough stashed money to buy cloth and make some small things to sell by 7. She took Chai with her everywhere by then. He was her beloved little brother, her little shadow. He followed her to the market, he followed her to clean, helping as she instructed him, and helped wash laundry with her.
She even taught him sewing when he was 7, just like she had been taught when she was 5.
She felt, out of all her brothers, perhaps her little brother wouldn't abandon her. Up till then, of all the people in her life, only her mother was always there for her. So she wanted to always be there for Chai and Shi. Even though she had learned, a woman like this was the most commonly abandoned.
Shi got in trouble, kicked out of his gang when she was 12, she had done her best to step up to provide for him, but he had gotten angry and thrown food onto the ground, not talking to either of them for a long while. He got in with another crowd, a worse one, but she was just glad to have him home again, often flashing him smiles, which were met with coldness. So she turned to Chai again, and smiled at him, and he smiled back. And every bit of effort she put in felt worth it again.
She was well known for her embroidery and needlework by then, and was bringing in more than enough for them.
Now that Shi was home, it was even more convenient, lest it happen that her work get robbed from her again when she went to the market, after asking, Shi took the responsibility with a few crude words, but she was very thankful to be able to work with him again. Afterall, out of all of them, Shi had always had the softest, most sensitive of hearts. He could tell what someone needed or what emotion to show better than anyone else. Perhaps it was because of this, he loved to test those he loved most so much, as if afraid of being abandoned, just like herself.
She was already saving money by then, and with Shi's help, she and Chai had more time, and every project they worked on was sold at a good market price for once. She divided the money into half for Shi and half for her and Chai, and whatever they didn't use on food, she saved in the floorboards, hoarding it for the day she could buy a shop in the market district for her and Chai. She had already saved more money than she had ever believed possible, and she was getting older.
She turned 13. She couldn't consider getting married like the rest of the girls that age did. She had no dowry, nor the good looks of her two brothers, and every time she thought of how her mother had turned out by taking such a route, she grew afraid.
Most of all, if she married, she was afraid she would have to move away from Chai and Shi, and she couldn't bear to abandon her brothers, after being abandoned by so many.
To avoid rape, she made sure to have Shi accompany her at night and wore mud on her face, and several layers to hide her shape. She also never combed her hair. Instead, she taught Chai how to comb his, like her mother had taught her and enjoyed watching what her pretty little brother did with it everyday.
Everything should have turned out well. She was hoping by the time she reached 20 to have enough to buy a small shop to sell her clothing and embroidery, working alongside Chai to build their business, to become famous, even perhaps to have their names and work known in the capital, working this way until she died. (she had no doubt Shi would get married and had little interest in their business, but Chai? Never, he was her little brother! How could he get married! What kind of woman was worthy?!!! Even if she was, she had better work in Chai's beloved shop too! hmph!)
But that didn't happen. Instead, two men now lay unmoving on her floor, and she was licking her fingers, enjoying the taste of their blood.