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Her voice hitched with emotion as she struggled to continue. "I lost my parents to the Death Eaters, Sev! You know how horrible their deaths were! The things those animals did to them before burning them alive! Just as you know how cruel the Death Eaters could be to Squibs who fell into their hands. I couldn't bear to lose a son that way!"
Snape was silent as Lily paused to regain control of herself. Finally, she continued.
"And all that was before Albus theorized that when Jim could only vanquish You-Know-Who by draining magic from Harry and possibly his very life force. Harry simply wasn't safe with us, and if giving him up would provide that safety, I was willing to do just that. No matter how much it hurt to surrender him."
Snape studied her, using the passive aspects of his Legilimency to determine if she was being truthful.
"You still have not answered my question, Lily. Why did you never check up on him?"
She wiped a tear a way and took a deep breath. "Three reasons. First, Petunia insisted on it. She hated magic, but Vernon was terrified by it, and she thought that having wizards come to visit would upset him and threaten their marriage. Second, and far more importantly, one of the wards I placed on 4 Privet Drive was a Sympathetic Occlusion Ward."
The Potions Master looked at her in confusion. While he respected Lily for her brilliance at potions work, he was honest enough to acknowledge her inventory of obscure Charms far exceeded his own.
"Basically, a Sympathetic Occlusion Ward conceals sympathetic connections between people and places. It functions as a watered-down Fidelius. While it's in place, the possibility that the Potters had any connection to 4 Privet Drive or anyone who lived there was simply ... something that nobody would consider. But it degrades quickly if the people affected actively maintain those connections. The ward would have been strongest if everyone involved-the Dursleys, the Potters, Harry-all simply never thought about one another."
She looked down at the floor. "Please don't tell James this, but ... I encouraged Petunia to tell Harry that we'd died in an accident. I thought it would help him accept the Dursleys as his real family and forget about his birth-parents." Then, her face hardened. "Obviously, the embellishment that James was a drug dealer and I was a prostitute and we killed ourselves in drunk driving accident that James caused was not part of the plan!"
"And the third reason?" Snape asked.
"I was afraid if I saw Harry, my nerve would break, I would snatch him away and bring him back into our world and ... and then ... I'd get him killed!"
Lily looked deeply into Severus's eyes with a pleading expression.
"Severus, find out what happened. Find out what made her act so cruelly towards my son. Find out how my sister and her whole family turned into monsters!"
"Believe me, Lily. I intend to. But one final question: You have explained why you did not visit Harry while he was with the Muggles. But for Merlin's sake! Why haven't you reached out to him since he got his letter! You let James go to meet him alone while you made a flimsy excuse to avoid him. Why?"
She sniffed and rubbed another tear away, as her face assumed a look of broken resignation.
"Because I knew he would hate us. Even before I found out about the abuse, I knew he would hate us for leaving him with another family while we focused on raising his twin brother instead. I loved my mother and father, Sev. But if they'd ever done to me what we unwittingly did to Harry, even for the best of reasons, I would have despised them for it and never forgiven them. You know what I'm like, Severus, and what my whole family was like. A Potter can have moments of terrible unthinking rage, as my dear husband proved with that stupid Howler. But an Evans? We know how to carry a grudge! And from the way he spoke to us when he delivered that restraining order-another reason to stay away since it's obviously what he wants-I know Harry can carry an Evans grudge too!"
Snape sighed. "Very will. Anything I discover which I share with the Headmaster I will also share with you."
She nodded. After a hesitation, he spoke once more.
"Answer me one final question, though, Lily. If you had to choose, right now, between Harry and Jim, knowing how one has been cruelly mistreated and the other spoiled almost to the point of ruin, what choice would you make today? Who would you choose to keep?"
The color drained from her face, and when she spoke, it was with complete resignation.
"There is no choice, Severus, and you know it. Jim is the Boy-Who-Lived, the Child of Prophecy. And if he fails, then the whole world will fall to the Dark Lord, including Harry. I would have died myself to spare my sons from what happened that night, but that wasn't an option I was given. So yes, right now, I have to be Jim's mother first and foremost, because if Jim fails, I'll probably lose them both. We both know I haven't had any real choices to make where either of my sons were concerned since 1981."
He looked at her and chuckled darkly. "No, I suppose not. Although I must say, Lily, I can see one positive benefit arising from how Harry Potter has been treated for the last decade."
"Oh?" she said almost hopefully.
"Yes. It has been twenty years since you and I were sorted into different houses. And at long last, I can finally and truthfully say ... I'm over you."
And with that, he turned and walked away.
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