Rei had been struggling internally ever since that day—when her lord had released his condensed Shamak to fall asleep. It was clear from his earlier symptoms and lack of focus that he was suffering from insomnia. She had watched him nightly, standing guard over him in silence. Her Divine Protections for Stealth worked even on his newly enhanced perception. The fear of failing to protect her liege had only grown, especially with how often he became injured.
So, even if it was against his wishes, she monitored him at every hour.
She had also been granted a Divine Protection of Sleepless Body, allowing her to function without the need for rest. His breathing was steady—so subtle that most would think he was at peace—but she could read emotions. And Toyota's mind never settled. It never found tranquility. Always thinking. Always fighting something.
After he collapsed using Shamak, she had quickly absorbed the dissipated mana, gently carrying him to his room and laid him to rest. But unlike the peace she'd hoped would follow, his expression twisted in pain. His body shivered and spasmed at random intervals, as if plagued by invisible enemies.
Was that the reason he couldn't sleep? These nightmares?
If it weren't for his abnormal mana regeneration, she could have used painless and harmless methods to put him to sleep. But because of the pain brought by his unique physique, that wouldn't be possible.
Still conflicted, Rei pulled her lord into a tight hug. She didn't know if it would help—but maybe the warmth of another person could comfort the shivering boy in her arms.
When Toyota awoke, he felt a chilling awareness flood through him. There was a sweet scent, and warmth pressing close. His body was wrapped in a tight hug—Rei was cradling him like a teddy bear.
In his grey world, her color stood out—radiant, vivid—while everything else had gone darker. He couldn't explain what his mind was experiencing, but he knew one thing: his trust in the world was fading.
As he scanned for the presence of others—the servants—their colors had dimmed even more. What had once sparkled faintly was now reduced to a mere shimmer.
Only one person remained bright.
His only friend.
And so, he let himself fall deeper into the warmth of her hug.
Rei noticed the shift. She could sense the way his emotions quietly altered. And though she already knew the answer, she still asked gently:
"Are you awake, Lord Crim?"
He didn't respond right away. He allowed his body to relax, breathing in slowly, deeply.
"…Yes," he finally said, his voice carrying a barely perceptible twist.
"You're my friend, right?"
Rei smiled softly—but she was suddenly aware of how awkward the position she was in must have seemed. Still, she answered with honesty, even if her voice stuttered slightly from embarrassment.
"Of course…You were shivering like you were cold, so… I thought I'd help." She lowered her head.
"…Thank you," Toyota responded, his voice quiet but sincere.
"I'll make you some food."
Rei hastily left the room, clearly embarrassed.
His mind tried to process the most recent memories, but unlike with Lust and Sloth, he wasn't able to finish them all in one sitting. From what he did see, Wrath was a hypocrite.
Unlike in the original story—where Subaru committed suicide by throwing himself off a cliff onto jagged rocks to save Rem—he didn't do that. Not in this version.
And yet, immediately after, he killed himself multiple times to save Ram from mana poisoning. Why?
Because her emotions—her hatred, her desire to kill him—were so pure, so unwavering, that his twisted mind found comfort in it. He held an absolute belief that she would kill him, and somehow, that certainty put his mind at ease.
He was broken.
He manipulated. He killed. He did it all to achieve his goals.
To gather strong backers, he went to Kararagi—seeking the strongest he could find. That's where he met Halibel, the wolf demi-human whom he had also met in the sloth timeline. Taking advantage of Halibel's precarious situation, he offered his assistance in defeating one of the Four Great Spirits. He died hundreds of times in the process.
But eventually, he succeeded.
Halibel, now in his debt, offered his fealty.
With a powerful backer and authority in hand, he established a base in eastern Kararagi. He named it Pandemonium.
And then… he turned his sights toward Vollachia's strongest—Cecilus, a Divine General. A man said to be even faster than Reinhard.
Subaru wanted him.
He wanted a hard counter to the world's strongest man.
Cecilus had one clear goal: to defeat Reinhard. Subaru knew this—and used it. After dying repeatedly in the process, he finally succeeded. He recruited both Halibel and Cecilus—his right and left hand.
His memories stopped there.
But certain truths stood out—truths about this other Subaru.
This Subaru had begun killing people simply because he felt betrayed. Because he was wrathful. He had no greater purpose. No grand justice. Only resentment—against the world, against fate, for treating people's lives like a coin toss.
So he fulfilled the worlds equilibrium.
Heads or Tails.
He saw the world in black and white.
Only those whose emotions wouldn't betray him—who wouldn't change—were spared.
Those rare few... he saw in color.
And among them, the one he trusted most was Ram. Because he trusted in her will to kill him. Her hatred was pure, unmoving, unwavering.
That was enough for him.
So he dragged her along with him, locked her up, to put it simply, he became a reverse yandere, feeding her meals by hand while she glared hatefully at him.
He had even promised her, that when everything was over and done, he would let her kill him.
He wasn't even finished with Wraths memories, and already, he had died hundreds of times.
The pain of death no longer fazed him. He had become numb to it. But that numbness—the way it crept in without warning—was what unsettled him most.
What was that warning again?
"Try your best to retain your emotions when receiving the memories."
He remembered now. Vaguely.
A flicker of advice from a voice buried beneath the flood of experience.
He watched as Wrath murdered innocent people after failing Fate's judgment. And he felt… nothing. Just observed—detached. Cold. Unmoving. He simply waited as his subordinates came to drag away the corpses he had slaughtered with his own hands.
The more he saw himself kill, the more distant it became. A habit. A routine.
His mind—no, an entity within—foreign, alien, yet undeniably connected, embedded within his soul, whispered. As if trying to guide him. Granting its wisdom.
The voice was eerily similar to Subaru's, yet not the same. It was more confident. Whole. Like someone who had broken and put himself back together—stronger, sharper.
"Murder becomes a habit.
It starts with someone solving a problem once—through killing.
And then, the next time a problem arises, they look for the same solution.
If you consider murder impossible, your mindset—your foundation—changes.
But even if a murderer claims it wasn't by their own will…
Even if they loathe what they've done…
Even if they remember the pain of the one harmed…
That habit—doesn't go away.
The weight you carry now... will become your strength.
So as long as you're alive—keep fighting. And win."
"...Envy?" Toyota whispered.
But no response came.
His voice trembled just a little.
"Please… can you help me? With your memories… you could help me find a happy ending, right? One where nobody has to die?"
Silence.
Not a single answer.
And then he understood something.
When all of this was over—when every sin's memories had been carved into his soul—
He would never be the same.
Whether that change would be for better… or worse…
That, he still didn't know.
It wasn't wrong to say that, in this route, he was a serial killer. Cold. Calculated. Choosing victims based on the flip of a coin.
But something felt off about this memory sync. Almost as if… the parasite was going easy on him. Last time He had slept over four days. Yet the full flood of Wrath's memories hadn't come all at once.
Why?
Something about this transfer felt more distant. As if the burden was being shared. As if someone—or something—else was shouldering part of the weight.
Like It wasn't a 100% sync. Not yet.
But he knew it would come eventually. All of it.
Still, questions buzzed in his mind:
What is the system? What is the parasite?
Why am I receiving these abilities? Why are there multiple Subarus?
Too many questions.
Too little control.
But one thing was clear. He needed to adjust his approach.
Maybe Wrath really was rubbing off on him, but something had changed.
From here on out, he couldn't afford to play nice.
He needed to make everyone his enemy.
At least… on the surface.
If Envy didn't tell him what to do, he would break the game; he had abilities and powers even if they had downsides, so far, he had barely utilized them.
***
Subaru stood in front of Emilia, Beatrice drooling on his shoulder as he piggybacked her. The atmosphere in the room was unusually tense for something so mundane.
"Well, see, we're not going there just for fun," Emilia began, trying to sound casual. "I received an important summons."
Subaru fidgeted slightly, clearly unsure. "B-but if it's important, maybe I should go along…" his expression shifting to something uncharacteristically serious.
"If it's important, then all the more reason I should go. You're in the Royal Selection, right? I want to help you. Please."
Emilia blinked, momentarily stunned by his sincerity.
The quiet blue-haired maid standing behind Subaru stepped forward, her voice calm and composed.
"It seems there are people in the capital who helped Subaru. This may be a good opportunity for him to thank them." She paused slightly. "Subaru's friend should also be in the capital."
Subaru turned and gave her head a gentle pat, grinning warmly. "Nice assist, Rem. That's right!" Rem blushed, head tilting downwards, while Subaru was oblivious to this.
He turned back to Emilia with a playful smirk.
"There are people I need to let know I'm okay… and I wanna check on Toyota, too."
Honestly, Subaru wondered, how's he holding up? I died three times on my first day alone—how much better could he be doing with a bit of money?
Subaru laughed to himself, then muttered under his breath,
"...I still owe him a favor, don't I? I wonder if he forgot. Meh, not like I'm reminding him."
"Why not? That can be kept separate from our Royal Selection business."
Everyone turned to the smiling clown lord who had been sitting in the room since the beginning.
"Subaru should go to the capital to thank everyone, as well as to receive treatment."
"Treatment, huh?" Subaru asked in confusion at the clown lord's words.
Roswaal began to explain.
"You overused your already exhausted gate in the mabeast battle. It will treat that wound. You met the emissary earlier, did you not?"
"Ahh…" Subaru muttered without enthusiasm. "The trap."
"That was one of the capital's most brilliant users of water magic, as well as healing magic. Felix is a peculiar one, whose cooperation was difficult even for Emilia to enliiiiiiiist—"
"Hold on!" Emilia waved her arms and blushed from embarrassment while Subaru turned around with a toothy grin.
"Really, Emilia? For me?"
"W-Well, it's partly my fault you haven't healed yet," Emilia stammered, waving her arms, cheeks turning pink. "So you could say… I'm repaying a debt. Just… equal compensation for what you gave up, that's all."
Subaru smirked, but Roswaal's tone suddenly shifted as he addressed him more directly.
"However…"
His expression darkened just slightly. "You won't have time to search for your friend. Don't go looking for Toyota."
Subaru felt a chill crawl up his spine.
"Is there a rea—"
Roswaal abruptly stood up, his expression returning to something more whimsical. "Oh my, look at the time. I'll need to borrow your Great Spirit for a little something. Subaru, I'll allow your capital visit, but be responsible."
Beatrice stirred against Subaru's back, giving a light prod with her elbow.
"Subaru. I'm awake, let me down already."
Yawning, she waited for Subaru to squat down so her tiny legs could reach the floor.
"So, what do you want to talk to Betty about?" she asked, narrowing her eyes slightly. Her knowledge of the clown made it easy to see—he was planning something new.
***
Wilhelm and Felix were in a moving dragon carriage.
"I was surprised to see you talking with the boy. I thought you'd rather chop people in half than talk to them," Felix spoke in a curious tone to the old man guiding the dragon.
"That is a grave misunderstanding. I merely took a bit of a liking to that young man's eyes," Wilhelm replied.
"Huh?" Felix looked confused at this.
The old butler just looked ahead with a cold gaze.
"Those are the eyes of one who has experienced death several times."
Felix smiled at this.
"Hmmm~ nyow you've lost me. But if Wilhelm van Astrea, the Sword Demon, says it… I'm sure the kid's faced quite a bumpy road."
The cat sounded amused. Wilhelm's eyes narrowed.
"The eyes are the window to the soul. You can tell what type of person someone is by looking into their eyes. You can fake an expression—your face can be a mask—but the eyes never lie."
"Okay, okay, I get it, Wil. Jeez, stop rambling."
(AN: Some parts of the If route story are ridiculously vague on what happened in-between events, so it makes things quite frustrating to try and summarize since I don't know either, like In wrath within 2 years Subaru somehow is the leader of an organization that was a threat to everyone in that entire world. Managing to get to powerhouses two serve him, it doesn't even say how many times he died, so I have to make an estimate using limited info.
I've set an official release schedule: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Although when I get bored, I add extra.
Bonus chapters will drop on Saturdays if my demands are met. 🔫
Trade deal:
You give me 80 power stones, and I give you a bonus chapter.
Sounds fair, right?)