"Sarah!" Eric's voice cuts through my daze, making me flinch.
I blink. "What?"
"Come on, eat up. We don't know how much of a wait we have." Eric sighs and shakes his head, rolling his eyes at me.
"Right..." I sigh and scoop up another mouthful of gruel.
I don't really want to. But I can at least swallow without gagging.
I'm just...
It's hard to concentrate.
It's hard to eat when it tastes like ash.
It's hard to eat when I know that soon enough, we're going to be meeting up with Ivan and the others again, and this time it won't just be a quick pep-talk. There will be information exchanged, and a plan set into place.
Eric and Mia will be the ones who actually have the important information and will be part of the plan, probably, but all of us will be taking that risk to go and meet up with them.
Will we stay with the rebels this time?
Does the plan require us to re-infiltrate again, make us suffer through another round of whatever terrifying test the aliens have planned for us?
Or is today the last day we'll wake up as captives?
Will I be eating real food later today, or tomorrow, or do I need to eat as much of this tasteless mush as I can so that I have the energy to handle whatever danger they'll throw at us this time?
I can only hope that we're going to be able to get out of the aliens' clutches for good after today.
"Sarah. Eat."
Eric's voice is firm and sharp, and it cuts through the haze in my mind, bringing me to reality.
He glares at me.
"You don't know what kind of shit is going to go on. We might be trapped on this planet for another few weeks, and that's assuming things go well. It's going to be tough to get out of here. Don't forget that, alright?"
"...I won't, but-"
"Then eat. And try not to look so gloomy. They feed us better on these trips, anyway." Eric shakes his head, shoveling another bite into his mouth and chewing with a look of contentment.
It's just gruel. But he makes it look like the tastiest thing he's ever had.
"...I'm glad you enjoy it." I say. It comes out dry.
He raises an eyebrow at me, his expression flat.
"Sorry. Sorry. I'll. I'll eat. Just. You know. It's tasteless." I grimace and scoop another mouthful of the bland stuff up and shove it in my mouth.
It doesn't make me gag anymore.
I still hate it.
It's like cardboard turned into mushy paste.
And that thought almost makes me gag anyway.
"Mmhh?" Mia tilts her head, mouth full of the gruel. "What?" She says. Or, at least, that's what I think she says.
It's hard to tell with her cheeks filled like a squirrel's.
Eric rolls his eyes. "We just have different food than her and Hestia. It's like last time. Sarah still somehow managed to not learn a word, so she's got the tasteless stuff."
I...
It isn't like I didn't try.
"...I've actually learned some words." I murmur, sulking. "I just. Can't say any of it."
I picked up some things. I can understand them a little. Sometimes. If they're not talking too quickly and they're using simple words.
I think.
None of it was from the lessons, though. I've made absolutely no process there, because how in the hell am I supposed to make those noises?!
Eric's hand settles in my hair. "Hey. Don't worry about it. If we're going home, you don't need to." His hand is heavy and solid and warm on the top of my head.
Mia swallows and nods.
She stares down at the bowl, lips pursed. "...If." She says softly. "...It is an if."
"It's a big if, too." Eric adds, voice soft. "It's not like I can promise it'll work. They failed before."
...Is it really a good idea for us to be talking about this in the cave?
None of our captors are near us right now, I guess.
But it still makes me nervous.
I suppose they know better about what our captors can understand and notice, or care about.
"Then again." Mia takes a big bite of her gruel. She hums and shakes her head, giving a tight smile. "We could always back out and let them do their thing on their own. They've probably got back up plans without us. We could avoid the danger."
"...No."
Mia and Eric both blink and stare at me.
Apparently I'm the one who spoke just now. I guess my thoughts leaked.
I glance between them and swallow. It tastes like nothing.
"I. I just. We came this far. This is our one chance. They wouldn't have risked asking us for help if they didn't absolutely need it. So. We....can't let them down." My voice is quiet, and it sounds unconvincing, even to my own ears.
I have no right to be speaking about it.
Eric's already put his neck out and is doing all the work on that side of things. And Mia has been sneaking around and getting extra work from our captors.
I'm the one that's done nothing.
So.
I can't talk like I'm one of them.
But I want to help them.
I can't be useless.
I can't be deadweight.
Not now.
Not when it counts.
Not after all that work we did to make this possible.
This is the time I've been waiting for all year.
I...don't blame Eric or Mia. Especially not when they're staring down so much more than me.
But I'm.
Not ready to give up hope to go home.
Even if what lies ahead now is more terrifying than anything I've seen on this planet so far.
Hestia taps the table, looking thoughtful, and then lifts her gruel spoon. In...I think it's a silent little cheer. I think she means she agrees with me.
She doesn't look scared at all.
In the past, I think I might have wondered if she really understood what was happening, what she was getting herself into.
But...
No.
I think. Hestia is just the bravest one of all of us.
I have to admit that.
I can't let her do that on her own.
So I reach over and tap her gruel-spoon with mine, smiling at her.
We both turn to look at Mia and Eric.
Eric shrugs. "Fine." He nods and taps his own gruel-spoon against mine.
Mia sighs. She stares at her own bowl for a few long moments, then glances up at me.
I can't really read her expression. It's...neutral, but a bit conflicted?
After what seems like an eternity of staring into her eyes, trying to read the emotions that are flickering across her face, Mia finally smiles and reaches out, tapping her spoon against all of ours, too.
She hums and shakes her head. "I'll kind of miss this flavor though."
I stare at her. "...You want mine?"
She sticks her tongue out. "No." She giggles. "...I mean, I'll miss it. But it's a trade I'm willing to make."
I can't help a little scoff at that.
...I don't think I'll miss a single thing about this place.