LOVE
CAROLINE HAVENS: AT WORK
<
Today was a bizarre breakfast. She really did think I'd hold back after all that? Well, I did start it so what can I do? She just left after the breakfast and hasn't returned yet.
Maybe she's with her friends, or co-workers. I should apologize, but how should I?
Maybe Nickel or Cupra might help me? But they're busy with their own stuff. I should buckle up. Evening's golden rays are coming—that's a beautiful time.
If she comes back I'd just apologize straight up. She likes cigarettes, right?
I checked my pockets.
Yeah, all are here and the fancy lighters. It took me a lot of time to pick the ones I think she will like.
Am I catching feelings for her? That was fast. Maybe, I'm not in a mood for denying that.
The fact I'm trying my best to avoid these feelings is great enough. Just a little more. I can't imagine what Nickel saw yesterday. Man, why do boys have to think even a micro-lust after the girl they love? She was in a towel, obviously.
It just makes me feel weird. What a weird thought I got, to get consent just to think about her in a little weird way? I guess I understand how that guy felt for his crush when I was in high school.
I walked near the door, twilight glittering my skin.
"Hey!..." I saw someone—no, it's better than someone. It was her.
My hand moved on its own, but she fazed past me, an unconditional melancholy in her eyes.
Eyes are the doors to someone's soul, and I can gaze into it as if I was gifted.
She's sad—but why? Because of my words at the table today? No, she's stronger than that. Her fight with her friends? Maybe.
I always wanted to put a tracker on everyone in this mansion, but she's the only one I didn't want to.
I don't wanna cage her, even if it's unknowingly.
But I have to ask her what's wrong. I've never seen her this sad.
I walked behind her, trying to catch up. She just walked into her room and closed the door shut in my face.
She probably didn't even see me. Well, it's not like I'm that important to her. In her values, my brothers might be at the top—but maybe I'm at the last. I don't oppose it.
There's literally no reason, no connection, no conversation between us to bring us close.
<
And here! Finally, all the clothes are done. Why do I have to do the laundry here? Of course I did ask them to help, but still—making your stylist a laundry maid?
How easy it is for Hoddy to just roam around like a child, play games outside or on mobile, enjoy every moment of life.
I looked back, and Mr. Gehrmensch was following Miss Caroline. Did anything happen between them? She doesn't look happy at all, it's all over her face.
<
Oh god, finally! All the emails are answered. Now I can sleep with ease. I wonder what Master Caroline is doing? She was pretty worn out yesterday. I wonder if I pushed her more than she wanted to?
I just wish she doesn't leave us.
Brother has been really happy lately, and our dates are also going interestingly. I'd rather have her guiding me through too many dates than just settling for one.
It's the most learnable and enjoyable moment for me.
<
Ok, so swipe! Swipe! She looks beautiful. I know beauty isn't everything, but here in this app, I can only see that.
We'll see that on the date.
"I wonder if Master would like her?"
I would like to see the day when Master would accept someone for me and Brother would reject her. It'd be hilarious to see their banter.
Or... or what if I, Nickel, would guide her through her date once?
<
"It's... so... boring..." Why am I not going somewhere filled with people? I want to show off my social skills! Make friends. Girlfriend.
I want to enjoy my life, even if I'm a kid. These adults have it easy, walking around wherever whenever they want. And still they complain about their lives being hard and mine being easy.
Did I say too much to Madam Caroline today? I don't want to admit it, but she's pretty. I heard that girls like savage boys, so I just said it.
I grabbed my head and rolled around the bed.
"Ugh!!! Dammit!! It's so hard being a kid!"
<
Why... if you were just a little faster, Gehrmensch sir. Just had stopped me, grabbed my shoulder.
Why can't he just know everything? It's too hard for me to explain.
That line ["You detest being subjected as an object, yet you crave to be used as a tool. Just to feel familiar."]
It's just not leaving me. What am I to anyone in this mansion?
Cass probably sees me as a pain who butchered her dress.
Nickel probably thinks I just want money—that's why I rejected that princess.
Cupra might even turn against me if I reject one more girl. Why can't I be loved? Without being a tool?
I saw some stairs going up within my room. Were they here before?
I grabbed some beer cans and cigarettes. Climbed up the cold wooden circular stairs rotating upwards.
"It's already night, right?" I talked to myself. City lights were pretty, but the light pollution hid the stars in the sky.
The moon was still there, but only a crescent. I could see its whole, but it was all black.
A chair lay there useless, like me. I walked near it and sat. Took out the cigarette.
The fragile-yet-hard roll dipped in my mouth. With a blow of fire, the lighter lit my eyes, the edge of the cigarette turned red.
Sweet smoke spread inside my mouth. I blew the rest out.
"How was it?" A beer can opened; the foam dropped on the ground. I didn't notice Gehrmensch was sitting just a little far from me; my lips bobbed up.
"Not that good." I sucked the roll again. I'm just like this cigarette. I'm only of use when I give off the taste. After that, I'll be crushed and thrown.
"Wanna try this one?" He gave me one with the lighter. The fancy lighter collection—I remember now. It was a panda holding a torch. I pulled its hand, and a beautiful flame flourished on its top.
"When life really sucks, even small things make us happy, right?" I smiled. It tasted bitter.
"You'll catch a cold!" I was in my crop-top and mini-shorts. They made me feel a little fresh and less useless. There was a sense of coldness on my skin, as if it was freezing into crystals.
"Don't care too much. I'm allergic to it." I threw the cigarette and opened the beer can. The sharp dent stung a little, but it didn't hurt.
"You're very pessimistic right now. Did anything happen?" He lit a lighter and just stared at the fire. I wonder how his face looks.
"Nothing much. Someone just showed me my place. I'm thinking to give her a pizza party. What do you think?"
Again... pizza party is my excuse to be useful?
"What about inviting that person for a dinner with us?"
Not bad. Cupra would just snap at me then. Why did you bring the rejected girl now!? Something like this.
"No, I'll manage!"
"Hey Caroline!" He leaned on his chair, looking up at the moon. Even from far, I could see the reflection of the moon in his eyes.
Somewhere deep, I envied the moon. It shines less bright than the sun, yet it's loved more than anything.
Even if it's visible less than half, it's loved the most.
When it's not in the sky, even millions of stars couldn't compare with it.
"What is it?" Is he gonna fire me now? If yes, please do it fast. I can't take this all anymore.
"I like you!" I think he meant 'You're a great toy to enjoy'. I must have heard wrong, I'm drunk obviously. But why am I not getting high?
"Dammit. Your words cursed my drink." The can fell from my hands.
"I really mean it!" What does he mean by that? My beauty? My humiliated face? Probably because I'm a girl.
"Hey moron! Don't get cocky, what can you even do for me?" I'm just drowning in the sea of emotions. No one can understand me.
"Geez! I gotta think that, man! You're probably overwhelmed by emotions, right? Like drowning in the sea or some shit?" Damn, he's not holding back either? Well, it might be my last talk, so why should I give a fuck then.
"Yeah, something like that. So, what? Will you jump in it to save me?" I smirked, then snickered, and finally laughed. How amusing.
"I'd die for you." He claimed. Just hollow claims. It'd be better if he said it yesterday.
"That's just artistically chosen words, you headless monkey!" He's really cringing me out. To impress me—just some made-up words to sound beautiful, to impress me...
"I really mean it!" I've had enough! I stood up and walked up to him, held his face, and moved my face near his ear.
"You just like this body, right?" At this point, I can't even be mad at him. I should thank him instead for calling me useful a bit. My cheek rubbed against his, slowly taken off—my leg, which I had placed on his thigh, was off now.
I'm just doomed anyway.
"When I said I meant it, I really did." He's not even flinching, but I can see. See his ticking fingers and the blush on his face.
"Then tell me, if my face was slit in half or if I was blind, would you still love me?"
...None of us spoke a thing.
There was silence. It answered everything. How he is and how everyone else in this world is. I stomped my feet on the bar. My figure shining in the bright city lights.
"Hey, you Gehrmensch! Look as much as you want! At least I'd mark a single heart if I can!" He only likes my beauty, right?
"You already did... if your face was slit, I'd cherish you. If you were blind, I'd sing for you." Now I don't even have a say.
"Hmph!" I burst into laughter and threw the can at him softly.
"You know you're damn funny. You'd make a good comedian! Go try some stand-up—people might love you for your humour!" I stretched my arms and lit another cigarette.
"Hey, too much cigarette can affect your health seriously!!" Oh now does he care about me? He's probably angry at me for making his terrace dirty or increasing carbon in the environment.
"..."
"Hey!" I'm doing it again, and I'll be wrong!
"Yes?" He stood up and walked near me.
"Did you really mean that? Or were those words just senseless feelings you spoke in the moment?" I bet he was just in need of a woman, and I'm just any woman who caught his attention due to how bold I look right now.
"Love has no sense!" He held my waist and pulled me closer. My heart skipped a beat there.
"But I'll never dare to accept those feelings unless you want to!" Does my consideration mean something? He can just use force, and no one is coming to save me here. I'm just too vulnerable.
"Try your best. But I'm not born to love." I shrugged him off and walked downstairs.
Now I'm just in the hands of God. Whatever happens will happen.
<
I knew she's the one. I looked at the sky. Just a week or some days even before, the sky was the most beautiful I've ever seen. The news said that in Vaneservallies it was the most visible.
But I even missed this one. Usually, I just sit on the terrace and gaze at the stars until I want to.
But that day, I just got a glimpse because my eyes caught a star brighter than them.
The brightest star, Caroline. She messed up the presentation that day and was apologizing to everyone. I wanted to stop her, but nothing can be absolute.
I might have ruined her job or image there if I took a stand—or what if she had shrugged me off? Even though I'm the CEO, not everything is in my control.
<
I laid on my bed, pressing my face in the pillow. I was on the verge of sleeping, with my thoughts diluted too much to put together like scrambled words.
ZNZN!!
My phone rang!!
I let out a little moan and picked it up, nearly dropping it, and answered the call without looking.
"Mhmm!??"
—CAROLINE!! LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY!
"Who is it?"
—IT'S ME, SUZIE!! NOW LISTEN TO EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAY CAREFULLY!
"I don't have time for that... let me sleep. Call me after 6 o'clock!"
—WAIT WAIT!! DO YOU REMEMBER WE WERE ABOUT TO ASK NATASHA HER SECRET BU...
BEEP
"What a pain!!" I turned and twisted, finally slept while sobbing about my day.