✦ Ikiryo ✦
I woke up to silence.
Not the peaceful kind. The kind that wraps around your neck and squeezes.
Mom wasn't coughing.
That's what scared me.
I bolted upright from the floor beside her bed — blanket half-off, mouth dry, heart thundering. My hand shot to hers.
Warm.
Still breathing.
Still here.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Shaky. Loud.
Another night survived.Another one I couldn't save her.
Time doesn't pause. It doesn't even slow down.It flickers forward like an old film reel — frame by frame, breath by breath.
Lately, I've been thinking about when I was four.
Falling asleep in her arms.Her voice, warm like tea. Her arms, soft like clouds.That was peace.
I didn't know it then.I do now.Because it's gone.
I opened the bedroom door wider. The hallway creaked underfoot. Morning light slid across the floor like it didn't belong — like even the sun was afraid to disturb her.
And there it was. That photo.Mom.Him.Me — just a baby in her arms.He smiled like a man already halfway out the door.
I looked away.
"Morning," I said.
She didn't answer. Just gave me that soft smile — the one that tried too hard to hide the pain.The one that made her look older than she was.
Stage 4 lung cancer does that.
"You're giving me that little smile, huh?" I said.
"Of course I am, honey. I can still control my face, you know."
"Barely." I smirked. "You look like a grandma in a collagen commercial."
She laughed. Then she coughed.
Blood.
I ran for tissues.
She still called me funny.I wanted to believe her.
I didn't tell her it was my birthday.She wouldn't want to forget.
But I saw it in her eyes.She already had.
I didn't blame her.
She'd promised me last year she'd be better by now.But I was too hopeful.Too stupid.
I held her hand. Just for a second.Then let go.
Because holding it felt like goodbye.
🏫 At School
"HEYYYYY, Ikiryo!"
God. Yumi.
Why does she scream like that every morning?
"Mind-reader powers activated!" she beamed, winking. "Come on, don't give me that look. I just wanted to wake you up properly. And… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
I blinked. "Thanks."
She hugged me in front of everyone — loud and proud, like embarrassment didn't exist.
Even my bad mood had to laugh.
"You're still annoying," I muttered.
"Whatever. I'm your best friend. You're stuck with me."
She flicked my forehead.I flicked hers back.Red foreheads. Laughter.
Just for a second, I wasn't the guy with a dying mom.Just a teenager again.
But it never lasts.
Not when you know your whole world could fall apart the second the bell rings.Not when you dream of bridges made of flame…And spirits whispering your name.
Every time I close my eyes,I see the fire.
It's calling me.
And I don't know how much longer I can ignore it.