She was a plump little woman, dark-haired on head and tail, her quim was
neither large or small, her thighs round and white, she was an ordinary
person, neither handsome nor plain, and my curiosity was soon satisfied.
She kept exclaiming, "Oh! if he should come home!" I fell to work again
with vigor, and soon again spent. As I got off I observed under her bum
again a large wet place, but now on her chemise. "What a lot of spending
you have done," said I. "I can't help it," said she. My experience was
small, but I knew that from no other woman whom I had stroked, had such
an effusion taken place. Before I had spent I had felt her wetness on my
fingers. I had her on another occasion, and the same thing occurred. I
notice this because I only recollect meeting one other such case since;
Mrs. Smith, like the other to whom I refer, used after a few pushes up
her to squeeze her cunt, shiver, and discharge quite copiously, to
be followed with a second pleasure and discharge when I spent. I only
reflected on Mrs. Smith's peculiarity some years afterwards.
In about a week I had her again at her cottage. Then she said if I came
any more she would have trouble, for neighbors had already remarked a
gentlemen at the house. I disregarded this, went and knocked. She opened
the door cautiously with the chain up, and seeing me, shut it in my
face. I was then about going to my own home, and feared I should not
have her again, but found out that the husband spent his evenings at a
tavern (I had a strange pleasure in looking at him after I had had his
wife), that he was to be at some workman's carousal, watched him to the
public-house, then ran to his cottage, gave a single loud knock at the
door, which was this time opened unsuspiciously, and in I pushed before
she could scarcely see who it was.
I had difficulty in persuading her to let me, she was more timid than
ever, but promised that I would never come again.
Then she got on to the bed. The crisis was just over when we heard a
knock. With a shriek she pushed me off and got up. "He will murder me,
he will murder me," said she. I stood blank with bewilderment, relieved
by another knock and a voice crying "beer." She fell on the floor
fainting, and so alarmed me, that I nearly called in the neighbours. I
put a pillow under her head. I don't know what induced me, for not three
minutes before I was frightened out of my life, but as she laid there
close by the fire (at the knock we had rushed into the kitchen), I
pulled up her clothes. The flickering of the fire showed her thighs
and cunt in a strange light to me. As I pulled her legs asunder, I felt
ashamed, but lust was strong. I looked at the cunt, the novelty of an
insensible woman on the floor excited me, the next instant in spite of
her, for she recovered just as I laid on her, my prick was up her, and
my knuckles on the hard bit of dingy carpet, and as I grasped her bum,
it seemed that my poke was most delicious. So much for novelty and
imagination. I left immediately afterwards.
Then I went home to my mother. In about three weeks, went to see Henry,
again as I said, but really to get to Mrs. Smith, and found her husband
had been discharged. I went off to the cottage, it was empty. They had
gone no one knew where, and he had half murdered his wife. I wondered if
it had been about me. Then my conscience upbraided me with having
committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and
repeated the commandments emphatically.
I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home doing nothing but
study, and with scarcely a farthing of money. I tried to get into one
of our servant's unsuccessfully, she was a plain lass, but had a cunt,
which was all I wanted. I began to kiss and fondle her, which she
submitted to demurely. Then by surprise one day got my hand up her
clothes, and between her cunt-lips. She loudly screamed, which luckily
was unheard, for my mother was out. Her cunt felt wet, and I found from
my fingers afterwards that she was poorly built. She rushed downstairs
crying violently, the next day gave warning and left, much to my relief.
She never I am sure told my mother, but I was in a fright until she had
left.
I restrained myself from frigging, although sorely tempted to do so, and
luckily found cheaper and better relief. Having had but one gay woman,
and having a dread of them, neverthless, my mind involuntarily turned
to them, especially as I now defied my mother, stopped out of nights
latish, and consequently saw more of them. But I had no money.
Between London and our suburb, there were some lengths of road bounded
by fields, and only lighted by oil-lamps. At places small houses were
being built in side-roads, which were altogether without light. Gay
women of a poor class, were then of an evening about the darkest parts,
or they used to walk where the roads were lighter. They were of that
class who go with labouring men, and were not attractive, although
cleaner and better-looking than the same class now is.
One evening I worried an aunt out of two pounds, which I had with a
solitary shilling besides; and was returning, when a woman accosted me.
She walked by my side and talked, but I could not afford a soverign,
which was a much larger sum then than it now is, and a shilling seemed
to me a ridiculous sum, so I determined to run, for fear I should be
fool enough to let her have a soverign. "I can't," said, "good night, I
only have a shilling." "Make it two," said she. "I have not got more."
"Give it me then." I stopped in astonishment at the idea of her taking
such a trifle. "She is going to take it and go off," thought I, for
I had known such a thing, but I gave her the shilling and then stood
still. "Well, are you not going to have it?" said she, "make haste." It
was a dark night, but I saw from a white gleam that her clothes were up,
felt where the nick was, and in much agitation thrust my tool up it.
****
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