The hut was filled with the scent of flowers and the excited whispers of warrior women as they crowded around the unconscious visitor. Elder Nyon—or Gloriosa, as she was once known—rubbed her temples, staring at the beautiful man lying on the table.
She had been thrilled when they told her they'd found someone whose beauty surpassed even Hancock's. But now? Now she was just tired.
Because the "divine goddess" they'd brought in was, in fact, a man.
A ridiculously beautiful man, yes—but still a man.
And yet, even she had to admit... his face really was unfair.
Around him, the flowers they'd carefully arranged had suddenly come to life, swaying and dancing as if celebrating his presence.
"Elder Nyon!" one warrior gasped, hands clasped together. "Please, let me clean her—I mean, her body! I'll be very gentle!"
A drop of drool slipped from the corner of her mouth.
"NO!" another warrior shoved her aside. "Your hands are rough from spear training! I should do it—I have the softest hands in the village!"
"LIES! You punched a sea king in the face last week!"
"IT WAS A LOVE TAP!"
Before Gloriosa could stop them, the argument escalated into a full-blown brawl—and in the chaos, someone started undressing him.
"W-WAIT—" Gloriosa tried to intervene, but it was too late.
The undergarments came off.
Silence.
Then—
"…What… is that?" one warrior whispered, pointing at the monstrous mushroom resting between his legs.
The women stared, transfixed.
"Is… is that a parasite?"
"It's so… big…"
"And veiny…"
One warrior, her curiosity getting the better of her, reached out—
"DON'T TOUCH IT!" Gloriosa screamed, slapping her hand away.
But the damage was done.
The warriors were now fascinated.
"Do you think… it's edible?" one murmured.
"It looks juicy…"
"I bet it's delicious with soy sauce…"
Gloriosa's eye twitched. "NO ONE IS EATING THE MUSHROOM!"
Just then, the man—Nolan—shifted slightly in his sleep, mumbling:
"Five more minutes…"
The mushroom twitched.
The warriors screamed.
Gloriosa collapsed into a chair, groaning. "By the gods… Hancock is going to kill me…"
.
.
.
Gloriosa's announcement hit the warrior women like a rogue cannonball.
"EHHHHHH?!!"
The collective shriek echoed across the island, probably scaring off every animals within a kilometer. Women clutched their chests, some dramatically falling to their knees as if their world had ended.
"No way! No way!" one warrior wailed, shaking her fists at the sky. "If that's a man, then what does that make us?!"
"This is unfair!" another sobbed, gesturing at Nolan's sleeping form. "How can a man be prettier than all of us combined?!"
Gloriosa blinked. This... wasn't the reaction she expected. Where was the righteous fury? The immediate demand to throw him into the sea? The passionate speeches about their sacred all-female traditions?
Instead, they were having existential crises about their own attractiveness.
Marguerite suddenly stood tall, wiping away fake tears. "Sob... since it's come to this, I'll sacrifice myself! I volunteer to be exiled with this man to... dispose of him properly!"
The others froze. Then—
"LIAR!" a warrior screamed, pointing at Marguerite's starry eyes. "You just want to run away with him!"
"Yeah! If anyone's 'disposing' of him, it should be me! My hut has the softest furs!"
"MY hut has better ventilation!"
"MY hut is closer to the hot springs!"
Gloriosa's eye twitched as the argument devolved into a full-blown real estate competition over who got to "host" the unconscious man. She massaged her temples.
"ENOUGH!" she barked. "Let's vote! All in favor of throwing him off the island, say 'aye'!"
Silence.
Gloriosa cleared her throat. "...'Aye'?"
The women suddenly found the ceiling very interesting.
Gloriosa sighed. "Fine. All in favor of... keeping him?"
"AYE!"
Hands shot up so fast they created a small gust of wind. A few women even raised both hands, just to be extra clear.
Gloriosa stared. "...You do realize Hancock will murder us all when she finds out, right?"
The warriors exchanged glances. Then—
"Worth it," they said in unison.
Marguerite pumped her fist. "Alright! Operation 'Hide the Pretty Man' is a go!"
"I'll distract the guards!"
"I'll prepare the secret cave!"
"I'll... uh... guard the mushroom!"
Gloriosa slumped into her chair, groaning. "Gods help me, I'm too old for this..."
Meanwhile, Nolan remained blissfully asleep, completely unaware that he'd just accidentally started Amazon Lily's first and most enthusiastic coup d'état.
---
The island was a paradise of sweets—mountains of candies, rivers of chocolate, and towers of pastries that would make any normal person's teeth ache just by looking at them. But for the massive figure lounging in the center of it all, it was just another Tuesday.
Charlotte Linlin—Big Mom—chewed through a caramel-coated house like it was a light snack, her enormous frame barely shifting as she devoured enough food to feed a small village. Weight? Calories? Meaningless concepts to someone who could eat a sea king for breakfast and still have room for dessert.
Crunch. Munch. Swallow.
Heaven. Pure, sugar-coated heaven.
Then—knock knock.
Big Mom's chewing slowed. Her eyes darkened. The air grew heavy with the threat of imminent violence.
"WHO DARES?!" she boomed, bits of cookie flying from her mouth.
The door creaked open, revealing Smoothie, one of her most capable daughters. The tall woman stepped inside calmly, though the slight tension in her shoulders betrayed her wariness.
"Mama, I have important news," she said, keeping her voice even.
Big Mom's glare could melt steel. "This better be good."
Smoothie didn't hesitate. She pulled out a photograph and placed it on the table.
Big Mom squinted. "...What am I looking at?"
"Enies Lobby," Smoothie said.
"HAH?!" Big Mom's voice shook the room. "ARE YOU MOCKING ME?!"
Smoothie didn't flinch. "It was Enies Lobby. Until someone erased it from the map."
Big Mom's rage paused. She picked up the photo again, studying it closer. No rubble. No ruins. Just... empty ocean. Whoever did this hadn't just destroyed the island—they'd vaporized it. Clean. Efficient.
"Kaido?" she mused. That drunken lizard would be bored enough to pull a stunt like this.
But Smoothie shook her head. "No, Mama." She placed another paper on the table—a wanted poster.
Big Mom's eyes landed on the image.
And for the first time in decades, the mighty Emperor of the Sea stopped breathing.
The man in the poster was... beautiful. Not just handsome. Not just striking. Breathtaking. The kind of beauty that made her ancient heart do a somersault in her chest.
A slow, hungry grin spread across Big Mom's face.
"INVITE HIM TO MY TEA PARTY!" she roared, slamming her fist on the table hard enough to send a tower of cupcakes flying. "I WANT TO MEET HIM NOW!"
Smoothie opened her mouth—probably to point out that kidnapping a man who could delete islands might be a bad idea—but one look at her mother's lovestruck expression told her it was hopeless.
Big Mom was already fantasizing.
A husband. A beautiful husband. Strong enough to stand by her side. Gorgeous enough to make the world jealous.
And most importantly—hers.
No way was she letting her daughters near him.
"MAMA WANTS A NEW WEDDING DRESS!" she cackled, already planning the menu for the ceremony.
Smoothie sighed.
This was going to be a disaster.
---