It had been three weeks since Amethyst's message. Three weeks since she told me about coffee dates and butterflies in her chest. Three weeks since I told her I was happy for her—and actually meant it.
Life moved on, the way it always does. Quietly. Slowly. Like leaves turning without anyone noticing until the whole tree changes color.
College kept going. Midterms came and went. Sleep became a luxury. My notes turned into chaos. I started drinking more iced coffee than water, and Clarisse kept adding memes to our shared folder like it was her full-time job.
We were okay. I was okay.
Mostly.
Then, one night, while we were walking home after a group study session that turned into karaoke and fries (again), Clarisse said something that stuck.
"Do you ever feel like… we're all pretending?" she asked, kicking a rock as we walked.
"Pretending what?"
"Like we're fine. Like we've got it all figured out. Like we're not secretly falling apart a little every day."
I glanced at her. She wasn't smiling. That didn't happen often.
"Yeah," I said. "All the time."
She nodded. "I don't know why, but… lately I've been scared of being left behind. Like everyone's out there falling in love or chasing dreams or becoming someone, and I'm just… here."
I didn't know what to say at first. Clarisse was always the loud one. The brave one. The storm. Hearing her say that made me realize something.
Even storms get tired.
"You're not being left behind," I said gently. "You're just... pausing."
She looked at me. "What if I never un-pause?"
"Then I'll sit with you," I said, smiling. "Until you're ready to press play again."
She blinked, then grinned. "That was so cheesy. I love it."
---
A few days later, she asked if we could add to our healing list.
So we did.
Nathan and Clarisse's Healing Plan (Part Two):
7. It's okay to pause. Just don't forget to breathe.
8. Laugh at least once a day—even if it's at yourself.
9. Fries fix almost everything.
10. It's okay to not be okay. Just don't lie about it.
We taped the list on my dorm wall. It looked silly next to my class schedule and a faded photo of my dog from high school. But I liked seeing it there. It reminded me that healing wasn't a race. Just a series of small choices.
---
Then came a Friday afternoon that felt like something out of a teen drama. Rainy. Quiet. And way too emotional for no reason.
Clarisse and I were sitting under the covered bench near the old library. She was sipping a hot chocolate. I was staring at my soggy notes, wondering why I ever chose psychology as my major.
She nudged me. "Wanna do something crazy?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"
She leaned closer, whispering like we were in on some big secret. "Let's skip class and go somewhere. Just… disappear for a bit."
I laughed. "Clarisse, we have a quiz."
"Exactly why we should skip. We already failed it in our hearts."
After a long pause, I said, "Okay. Let's go."
She blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah. Let's be irresponsible college kids. Just this once."
---
We ended up at the beach.
Not the fancy kind. Just a quiet little spot a few jeepney rides away. The sand was a bit muddy, the sky cloudy, and the water too cold for a swim.
But it was perfect.
We kicked off our shoes, let the waves touch our toes, and screamed into the wind like weirdos.
Clarisse laughed so hard she almost fell into the water. I pulled her back just in time.
"You saved me," she said, dramatic as ever.
"I always do," I said, trying to sound cool.
She smiled at me. And for a second, the world slowed down.
Not in a romantic, music-playing-in-the-background way. Just in a quiet, real way. Like the kind of moment you don't realize you'll remember forever until much later.
"I like this," she said.
"What? The cold water or the sand in our pants?"
"No. This. Us. Being here. Together. Just... existing."
I nodded. "Me too."
She looked out at the sea. "You know what scares me?"
"What?"
"Falling for someone who doesn't fall back."
I looked at her. Really looked.
And maybe I should've said something then. Maybe I should've told her what was starting to bloom inside me. That being with her didn't feel like a scene from someone else's story anymore. It felt like mine.
But I didn't.
Instead, I said, "Yeah. That is scary."
She didn't push. Just leaned her head on my shoulder.
And we sat like that until the sky turned pink and the world felt a little softer.
---
Back at school, things kept moving.
Clarisse started joining a theater club. She got a small role in a campus play and dragged me to every rehearsal.
I watched her from the back of the auditorium, heart full and weirdly proud. She lit up on stage in a way that made everyone else seem dimmer.
After one rehearsal, she ran up to me, breathless.
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"They're giving me a bigger part! I get to cry and yell and everything!"
I laughed. "That sounds very on brand for you."
She beamed. "You'll still come, right? To the show?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
She hugged me. Tight.
And something in me shifted.
---
One night, a week before the show, we were walking back to the dorms. It was late. Quiet. The kind of quiet that feels like the world holding its breath.
"Can I tell you something?" she asked.
"Always."
She stopped walking. Turned to face me.
"I think I like someone."
My chest did that stupid thing again. The tiny kick.
"Yeah?" I said, keeping my voice steady.
She nodded. "I'm just... scared it'll ruin things."
"Why?"
"Because it's someone close. Someone who means a lot to me."
I felt my heart drum in my ears. "Clarisse… is it—"
She looked down. "It's you."
Time froze. Literally. I could hear the silence stretch between us like a rubber band ready to snap.
"I wasn't gonna say anything," she said quickly. "But I couldn't keep pretending. And if you don't feel the same, it's okay. I just needed to say it."
I stared at her. At the girl who stole my fries, dragged me to karaoke nights, and helped me write letters for someone else. At the girl who turned my healing into something real.
And the only thing I could do is to be silent. I don't know what to feel... I don't know if what I have for her know could be more than friends.
"As I have told you, it's okay if you don't feel the same way." She said, I could see how sad she is through her eyes and how she faked a smile towards me.
Just two people walking side by side in the sand. And for now I'm choosing to be her best friend.