CHAPTER 1
I used to think I was just an ordinary kid—nothing special, nothing wrong. But maybe that was just a story I told myself to feel okay.
Because deep down, I did want to matter. I wanted someone to see me. And the worst part is, I thought they did—until I learned how cruel people could be.
After washing myself and putting on my school uniform, I headed out.
I arrived at school by bus. It was just an ordinary place—nothing special.
Entering the school, I noticed something out of the ordinary: many students were absent, which you don't see a lot here.
I was somewhat surprised, but it didn't really matter to me. I went to my seat, sat down, and put my head on the table, waiting for class to start—and for school to finish—like every day. Then I remembered I had to do something.
My friends and I were being annoyed and heavily bothered by a group of other people in our class. They always said the worst stuff to us, but we never talked back or did anything in particular. Today I thought it was enough. Seeing his friends were absent and he was the only one there, I thought it was the perfect chance for me.
As the last class ended and most students left, I told Jon, the bully, "I have something to talk to you about." I confronted him in a serious tone, a confident expression on my face.
"Tch. Just spit it out, loser. I don't have time to babysit you," he replied.
A slight frown formed on my face when I heard what he said about me.
I thought I would be able to beat him single-handedly, because I was not completely weak; I always had training sessions and practiced with other tools.
I grabbed his shirt and said, "Leave us be, and we won't bother you anymore."
Hearing that, he chuckled with an ugly smile.
"You actually think you can beat me by yourself?" he answered, then furrowed his brows. "And why would I have to leave you alone? I don't need that kind of crap coming from you."
He pushed me back while still insulting me, forcing me to let go of his shirt.
I was thrown off by what he did. I got angry and ran toward him to punch him in the face, but he dodged. I was wide open, and he kicked me.
I fell to the ground, and as I tried to get up, he kicked me again and again—over and over until I couldn't rise anymore.
He made fun of me, ridiculed me, laughed at me, and I lay on the ground, unable to do a single thing.
"Next time, think twice before fighting people, loser," he said after finishing, rather easily.
I wanted to scream—not from the pain, but from the shame. I thought I was strong. I thought I was brave. But here I was, curled on the ground like trash.
After the fight, I wasn't left with many bruises or scars—just a nosebleed and pain in my stomach.
Two people rushed into class and helped me to my feet. They were dear to me—my friends.
I was sad, but at least I had them: Rin and Alin. They were there for me.
"Dude, I told you not to do anything about it. We could've just kept quiet and let them say whatever," Alin said while Rin nodded.
I turned my head to him. "I won't let them speak badly about you or anyone else. You guys are precious to me," I muttered.
Hearing that, Alin hugged me. "We're grateful," he said with a happy yet serious expression. He paused, then added, "But we don't want you getting hurt either."
Agreeing, Rin said, "Yeah… and next time at least tell us. We could help—we're best friends, after all."
"I'm not used to you being sentimental, Rin…" I said with a worn-out face.
"Shut up," he replied.
We all smiled. Since this happened after the last class, we decided to go somewhere, spend some time, and move on from what happened.
I was happy, but I couldn't forget the humiliation. Jon's words struck me hard, ruining how I saw myself and making me realize how helpless I was.
We stayed out for a while, and before I realized it, the sun was setting. I had to go home.
"I'll see you soon," I said as my friends waved.
"Don't forget, we're always here for you," Rin called.
Walking home, I thought of Naomi.
She was one of my close friends—someone I'd loved for some time. I adored her beautiful, long black-purplish hair and dark-blue eyes you could stare into for days.
But she was absent today. She usually came to school every day. I was upset I didn't see her, but glad she hadn't witnessed my humiliation.
When I got home, I went straight to bed to rest after that awful school day—but it wasn't the end.
I must've passed out, because the next thing I knew, my dad was shaking me awake for dinner.
My parents had divorced when I was young, so my sister and I were split up. I went with my father. My sister went with our mother.
I often thought about why they divorced. I wanted to meet my family after seeing my friends' parents so happy.
I was jealous, but everyone lived overseas—or rather, we did—so I never had a chance to see them.
I've always wondered what went wrong. They're my parents, so I deserve to know, but my father's temper was unpredictable. That didn't stop my curiosity, and it kept pushing me to ask despite his cold responses.
I remember the first time I asked him while we were in the car:
"Why did you and Mom separate? I really wish I could meet her and my siblings," I asked.
"Stop asking that dumb question. It doesn't concern you," he answered, gripping the steering wheel.
"How doesn't it concern me? It's my family," I snapped.
"I said stop asking."
Since then, I hadn't asked again, but my curiosity still burned.
I had always thought of my father as kind and respectable. I deeply adored him.
After he woke me for dinner, we sat to eat. He seemed in a good mood, so I tried again. I raised my head.
"Dad… can you please tell me what happened between you and Mom?"
He ignored me. I persisted: "Why won't you tell me? I want to know about my mother and siblings! I deserve to know."
He still didn't respond. I got annoyed. "I can see why you were divorced—probably because of this attitude."
Suddenly he stood, told me to shut my mouth.
"Why? They're my family too!" I said.
Lost in curiosity, I hadn't noticed how angry he looked. He stepped closer, fists clenched.
"I thought I told you to stop!" he shouted.
"I don't care—I want to know! I don't want to stay ignorant forever!" I replied.
Without warning, he punched me in the face.
Shocked, nose bleeding, pain flared. "Dad…?"
He pushed me down, pinned me, kept beating me while yelling:
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?! IS IT?!"
He unleashed years of anger. I begged him to stop, uselessly.
I couldn't believe this was the father I'd loved.
He kept shouting, saying things that broke my heart.
When he finally saw my bloodied face, he spoke in a low voice: "What have you made me do?"
He went to his room, grabbed a packed bag, then looked at me on the floor.
"I'm sorry, son," he muttered and left the house.
I layed on the ground, bruised. I smiled, and that smile slowly turned into a laugh, then that laugh turned into a cry.
I was in pain. I had learned my father's true nature. He'd raised me when I was young, but now my ties to my only family were cut. Combined with what happened at school, I was alone and devastated.
I covered my tears with my arm, clenched my fists, and muttered, "Even standing hurts… How pathetic."
I got up, washed the blood from my face, covered my bruises.
I would never know why they divorced or see my siblings or mother.
What should I do—where should I go?
My father left with no chance of returning. He left money, but what is it worth when I'm alone and not even happy?
The wind howled outside; the trees rustled. I needed fresh air.
"This house feels suffocating."
I put on my shoes and left.
I locked the door and walked. Each step hurt. I kept my head down, passing people without looking.
I thought about how desperate and hasty I'd been. I shouldn't have rushed him, but now it was too late.
Suddenly I heard a flowing river nearby. I looked up and saw it, surrounded by green fields and trees.
I walked to the river to clear my head, chest aching, eyes teary. I couldn't forget what happened.
Finally, I reached the river. I lay on my back, staring at the starry sky.
I closed my eyes, listening to rustling trees, grass, chirping insects, the flowing river.
I sighed. "This is exactly what I needed," I muttered.
I felt at peace, but still emotional. Today was a misfortune; I'd lost my only father.
Minutes passed. I thought, That's enough—I have to go back and figure things out.
I slowly got up, eyes still closed.
But when I opened them…
The world around me had changed.