"Such a *disaster* of a little brother!" Zi Yuan facepalmed as she watched Lin San—nicknamed "Third Bro Lin" by his admirers—get swarmed by treasure-hungry cultivators. Someone had ratted him out for hoarding the Blood Bodhi fruits, and now the entire ruins buzzed like a kicked hornet's nest.
Lin San, meanwhile, was sprinting through ancient corridors, cursing the "big-mouthed saint" who'd exposed him. Little did he know, the culprit was currently sneezing dramatically while munching on stolen snacks.
"*Achoo!*" Qin Feng rubbed his nose, mid-bite into a Blood Bodhi. The fruit's energy exploded in his gut like a shaken soda can, stabilizing his recent breakthrough to Transcendent Realm Level 3. "Whoa, these things slap harder than my aunt's dumplings!"
Zi Yuan nodded, cheeks bulging like a chipmunk. "Tastes like magic Skittles!"
Their snack fest was interrupted by a *whoosh* of silk. A woman in flowing white robes materialized, her eyes locked on Qin Feng's fruit stash. She looked like she'd stepped out of a Renaissance fair—if Renaissance fair attendees also radiated "mysterious forest spirit" vibes.
"Uh…hi, sis?" Zi Yuan waved awkwardly.
"*Sis?*" Qin Feng yanked her back, squinting suspiciously. "Nice glamour, *succubus*! My 'Heavenly Bullsh*t Detector' says you're 100% not human!" (Note: His "detector" was really just a hangover from learning the *Dragon Slap™* technique, which apparently came with free supernatural vision.)
The woman blinked, startled. "I mean you no harm! I just…" She hesitated, clutching her robes. "I need Blood Bodhi for my newborn. Postpartum recovery's a *b*tch* when you're a weakened shape-shifter."
Zi Yuan gasped. "A baby monster? Adorable! Do they have tentacles? Tiny horns? *Fuzzy ears?!*"
Qin Feng ignored her, arms crossed. "Listen, Lady Fae-ntom of the Opera. I'm all for maternal healthcare, but this ain't a charity. Ten fruits. *Ten million spirit stones.*"
"*Ten million?!*" Zi Yuan choked. "That's like…three kingdoms' GDP!"
The woman wilted. "I…don't have currency. My tribe trades in moonlight and squirrel gratitude."
"Useless!" Qin Feng groaned, scribbling in his *Scam Ledger*. "No loot, no coupons, no underground demon black markets? *Pathetic.*"
As distant shouts of "FOUND LIN SAN!" echoed, Qin Feng froze. His "villainous sixth sense" tingled—something *epically* dumb was about to happen. With a dramatic sigh, he tossed her a pouch. "Fine! Take 15. Consider it…*government aid for single monster moms*."
The woman gaped at the glowing fruits. "But why—?"
"*Shhh.*" He winked. "Just name your firstborn after me. 'Qin Feng Jr.' has a nice ring, yeah?"
Zi Yuan dragged him toward the commotion, muttering, "Since when did you grow a heart? Next you'll start rescuing kittens from trees!"
---
**Meanwhile, at the Chaos Epicenter…**
Lin San stood before a shimmering barrier protecting a jade box, surrounded by cultivators eyeing him like hyenas at a gazelle BBQ.
"Scram, protagonist!" sneered a sword-wielding cultivator. "This loot's for *real* side characters!"
Lin San smirked, backing away. "By all means, *gentlemen*. Enjoy your…*surprise*."
Qin Feng arrived just in time to see the crowd charge—and immediately ducked behind a pillar, pulling Zi Yuan with him. "They're gonna faceplant *so hard*."
"Faceplant?" Zi Yuan peeked out. "Why—OH SWEET LOTUS ABOVE."
The moment the first cultivator touched the barrier, electric pink tendrils lashed out, clotheslining the mob into a human pretzel. One guy's pants caught fire. Another's beard turned neon green.
"Classic protagonist trap!" Qin Feng cackled, snapping photos with a jade crystal. "Lin's probably got a secret chant like 'Open Sesame' or 'Password123'."
Sure enough, Lin San waited until the chaos peaked before whispering, "*Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo*." The barrier dissolved. He reached for the jade box—
"NOT TODAY, HERO!" Qin Feng lunged, activating *Dragon Slap™*. A golden palm smacked Lin San's hand away. "Tag! You're it!"
The two tumbled into a slapstick brawl, kicking up dust clouds as the jade box teetered precariously. Zi Yuan facepalmed. "Boys. *Ugh.*"
---
**Post-Credits Scene:**
The white-robed woman nursed her baby in a moonlit grove, humming a lullaby. The infant cooed, tiny fox ears twitching.
"Sleep well, little Feng'er," she smiled. "One day, you'll repay that ridiculous human's…*unexpected kindness*."
Somewhere, Qin Feng sneezed again. "Definitely not ominous!"
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