I hear a shout to my right. It's my bandmates, trying to get my attention. They seem to have snapped out of their surprise, and they're standing next to me like a pack of confused puppies, looking between me and the girl in the crowd. Their faces are a mix of confusion and curiosity.
I can see them trying to figure out what's going on. They keep sending me looks as if to say, "What the hell is happening?"
I ignore them all, my gaze still locked with hers. It seems like nothing exists in this moment except me, her, and the song we just sang together.
She seems to snap back to reality then, and her cheeks go even more flushed. She looks almost flustered, as if suddenly realizing what she just did.
Her eyes dart away from me, and my heart sinks like a rock.
No, wait. Don't look away…
I try to tell her with my eyes, trying to get her to look at me again.
Please… look at me. I don't want this moment to be over…
She looks back up at me, and her eyes are so huge and vulnerable that it takes my breath away.
She opens her mouth as if to speak, but no words come out.
It feels like time has stopped, and all I can hear is the pounding of my own heart in my ears.
I can see her start to take a step forward, as if trying to reach out to me.
I almost step forward to meet her, desperately hoping to touch her…
But I'm interrupted by an impatient cough from my right.
The band. I suddenly remember their presence, and they're all staring at me like I've gone insane.
My manager looks like he's about to have an aneurysm, his gaze jumping between me and the girl in the crowd. My bandmates are staring at me like I've suddenly sprouted wings. Even my keyboard player looks like he's caught off guard, which never happens.
I can feel their questioning gaze on me, and their obvious confusion only serves to make me more irritated. I want them out, I want everyone out, I want it to be just her and just me. I want it to go back to how we were a minute ago, with her singing next to me and her voice washing over me like velvet. I want her here, not a million miles away in the front row…
But what I want is not what I get.
I'm jolted from my thoughts by my manager grabbing my arm, his hand gripping tight. He leans over to whisper in my ear, trying to keep his words quiet.
"Dude, what the hell was that?"
I can feel my irritation rising, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to try to keep it in check.
I try to keep my expression nonchalant, even as I answer him through gritted teeth. "I don't know what you mean."
He rolls his eyes like he thinks I'm an idiot.
"Don't give me that crap. We all just heard that. That girl was singing right along with you. It was like a damn Disney movie or something."
I can feel my irritation growing with every word. It doesn't help that he sounds almost gleeful, like he thinks the whole situation is the most hilarious thing ever.
My voice comes out more of a growl than normal. "Yeah, so what? She was just singing along, that's all."
He looks at me with disbelief, obviously incredulous.
"Are you kidding me? She literally knew all the words. That wasn't just some random chick. That was like the girl of your damn dreams in the flesh."
My irritation explodes. He has no idea how right he is, and it pisses me off even more.
I turn to look at him, my jaw clenched and my hands trembling as I try to keep my composure.
I say through gritted teeth, "Watch it with the bullshit, alright? I have no idea who that was."
He gives me another eye-roll.
"Dude, stop bullshitting with me. That girl was singing along like she knew the song by heart. I would bet money she knows every single lyric off the album by heart. Hell, she looks like the kind of girl who probably has every song you've ever written memorized by heart. It was like watching the goddamn love of your life sing right along with you."
I can feel a muscle in my jaw twitching. His words are hitting too close for comfort, but I struggle to stay calm.
I turn to look at her one more time, my gaze automatically locking onto her face like a magnet. She looks like a deer in headlights, caught in the blinding glare of the stage lights.
I can barely force any words out of my throat.
I grit my teeth, forcing my voice to sound nonchalant.
"She was probably just a really big fan, that's all. Don't make a big deal out of nothing."
He laughs out loud, the sound of it almost mocking.
"Dude, you are out of your goddamn mind. I don't think you even realize what you're saying. You've been singing to that girl for the past five minutes like she was the only person in the whole damn venue. You sang to her like you were pouring out every last bit of your soul to her face, right before my very damn eyes. And the look on her face…god, it looked like your voice alone was gonna make her swoon like some goddamn fairytale heroine."
I can feel the heat creeping up the back of my neck, embarrassment, and anger washing over me in waves. I'm trying to make it seem like it was no big deal, but he saw the whole damn thing unfold right before his eyes.
He shakes his head.
"You're a goddamn idiot, you know that? That was the most sappy, Hallmark channel, romantic gesture I've ever seen in my entire life. Jesus, I could feel myself swooning from over here."
I give him my best glare, still trying to maintain the guise of nonchalance.
I force my voice to go sharp. "You are the biggest exaggerator on the planet, you know that? You act like I just got on my knees and sang a goddamn love ballad for the girl. That's really how you view it? As some sort of grand, romantic gesture from a cheesy-ass romance movie?"
He laughs out loud again, not fazed by my anger.
"Dude, that's exactly what it was. And the girl in the front row was eating it up the whole damn time, and don't even try to deny it. I saw it on her face. Hell, I think people halfway across the damn venue were getting the warm fuzzies just by watching you sing to her. It was like watching something out of Cinderella."
I don't know if it's possible to feel more annoyed right now. Every damn word he says makes me want to punch his teeth in.
My jaw is clenched tight, and I struggle to keep the anger out of my voice.
I manage a scathing tone despite my irritation. "I was singing to the entire goddamn venue, not just her. You just think you saw something that wasn't really there."
He throws me another look, that stupid smirk still on his face.
His words come out like a taunt.
"Bullshit. You were looking at her the whole goddamn time, and you were singing like there was no one in the room except you and her. I think you're the one who's in denial, buddy. The chemistry between you two almost gave me diabetes."
His words hit deep because he's right. I was singing to her, and her alone, with everything I had. It was like I was pouring out my heart to her without a damn filter…in front of hundreds of people.
He laughs then, like he's enjoying seeing me lose my cool.
He grins, a knowing gleam in his eye.
"I know what I saw. The two of you were like Romeo and Juliet on stage. It was sickeningly sweet."
He continues, not even trying to tone down the gloat in his voice.
He grins and slaps me on the shoulder, and it takes all my self-control not to smack his hand away.
He continues, like he's trying to rub it in.
"You looked at her like you were seconds away from running off that stage and sweeping her up in your damn arms. You sang like you were pouring out your whole soul into her eyes."
The worst part is that he's saying things I don't want to admit even to myself. But I force my face to look calm, even as every inch of me is on fire.
I say in a tight voice, trying to keep up an air of nonchalance.
"You have a seriously overactive imagination."
He laughs again, the sound of it almost condescending.
He looks at me like I'm a clueless fool.
"It was as loud and clear as a goddamn neon sign. It was on your face. Hell, I don't think there was a single person in that goddamn venue who couldn't tell you were head over heels in love. The girl in the front row sure as hell could see it. I think she was even blushing the whole time, for Christ's sake. She was swooning over you."
The last comment strikes a raw nerve. I know he's saying the things I don't want to say out loud myself.
I look across the crowd again, and even from here, I can see the pretty flush on her face, her cheeks a soft pink colour.
It's an expression I recognize, and it's one that makes my heart ache with a feeling that's both beautiful and painful at the same time.
My words come out as a low grumble.
"She wasn't swooning. Shut up."
He laughs, his hand still on my shoulder. He's enjoying this way too much.
He says, his tone knowing.
"Oh, she was swooning, all right. Hell, she was blushing so hard, I could see her face turning red from the stage. It was so damn obvious, I think even a blind man could see it. The girl looked like she was seconds away from getting a damn nosebleed from how hard she was blushing for you. You damn near gave her a heart attack with all the romantic crap you were singing at her."
Every word lands like a goddamn punch. I can hardly deny the truth in his words. He saw the way I sang, the way I kept my eyes on her, the way she was looking at me like I hung the damn moon for her.
I have to keep the emotion out of my voice, even as my heart is a painful ache in my chest.
I try to sound nonchalant.
"Stop exaggerating like an idiot. She was not swooning. We're in the middle of a concert. We'll continue this later."
"Yeah, yeah. But we'll continue this later."
I take a deep breath, trying to keep my anger contained.
I want to keep fighting, to deny everything he's saying, but I realize any denial now is just an act in futility.
He saw the goddamn truth: he knows how I was singing like a lovestruck fool and how she was watching me like I was her whole damn world.
I shove his hand off me, my tone sounding almost annoyed.
"Just shut it, alright? Let's move on."
He grins as if he sees right through my act.
He pats me on the back one last time, his tone almost a damn taunt.
"Sure, sure. But we're definitely going to pick this up later. I'm not done gloating about this yet. You're a goner, buddy. A goner for that girl in the front row." He says and goes backstage.
I watch as he saunters back to the wings, that infuriating grin plastered on his face.
I want to throttle the bastard for making me feel like an idiot, but he's right. I can't deny the truth of the words he said.