As the doctor opened the door, he led Finn straight into an open room. In the center sat a light blue chair — the kind you'd expect to find in a dentist's office. Surgical tools lined a nearby tray, and a bright light hung overhead, casting a clinical glow.
Finn glanced back, then forward, baffled.
'What the hell…? No hallway, no waiting room. Just… this?'
"Please, have a seat," the doctor gestured politely toward the chair.
"O-Okay…" Finn hesitated but obeyed, lowering himself into the chair.
"I'll be right back," the doctor said, stepping out. "Need to fetch some supplies."
Finn sat alone, his hands trembling slightly — part nerves, part weird excitement he couldn't explain. His eyes wandered around the sterile room until they locked on a trophy mounted on the wall.
The golden plaque read:
"Pissonus Thatch. Heir to the Golden Stream medical lineage.
Ten-time town championship winner."
'What the fuck kind of name is that…? Golden Stream lineage? What even—'
Before he could dig deeper, the doctor returned carrying a medical bag filled with typical doctor gear — stethoscope, thermometer, penlight, gloves.
'This makes zero sense. I thought this was supposed to be some medieval fantasy world with magic and monsters?'
The doctor set the supplies down and began slipping on his gloves. "Before we begin, I need a sample," he said, producing a small jar like it was some sacred relic. He smiled warmly. "Could you please pee in this?"
Finn blinked. "Uh, sure…"
He stood, shuffled to the corner, and did what was asked, feeling absurd but oddly resigned to it. Once finished, he handed the jar back.
"Thank you," the doctor said cheerfully. "I'll take this to the lab."
"Okay…" Finn mumbled, sitting back down, wondering what fresh hell awaited next.
Soon the doctor returned, putting on his stethoscope and pressing it against Finn's chest.
"Oh my—"
"What? What is it? What's wrong?" Finn asked, panic rising.
The doctor removed the stethoscope, then pulled out another jar. He looked Finn dead in the eye.
"I'm going to need you to pee in this one too."
"Uh—uh, okay…" For some reason, Finn just went with it. He peed into the jar, handed it back, and the doctor took it with a grateful smile before disappearing again.
'This is getting out of hand… Wonder what Majestria's doing. Probably complaining about me getting to get to go first.' Finn smirked to himself.
A little while later, the doctor came back, putting on gloves with a serious look. Then, without warning, he crouched down and stood right between Finn's legs, making the whole situation feel even weirder.
Finn clamped his legs shut, fully uncomfortable. "Um… what exactly are you doing?"
The doctor held up—yep—another jar. "I need you to pee in this one too."
And again, like a toddler who's been told what to do one too many times, Finn obeyed.
He handed the jar back, and the doctor smiled, then turned and walked out.
Finn, curiosity getting the better of him, quietly followed.
He stood outside the blue door, slowly pushing it open to see what exactly was going on back there with his pee.
As he opened the door, he was met with pure disgust and horror.
The doctor was on all fours with dog ears, licking piss off the ground, making soft "Mmm~" noises as he sniffed and slurped. A dim light shone above him like a spotlight on shame.
Finn's breath hitched—like Casca seeing the Eclipse.
The doctor raised his head, yellow liquid glistening on his lips. Their eyes locked.
"What are you doing here?!" he screamed—and immediately lunged forward like a homeless man being denied crack.
"AAA!"
Finn slammed the door shut and bolted back through the exam room, nearly tripping over himself.
Majestria was still pouting in the lobby, arms crossed.
"We're leaving. Now!"
She whipped her head toward him. "What? Why?!"
He glanced toward the receptionist. Her body was leaking yellow. Dripping. Her skin glistened unnaturally. Her fingertips were… wrinkled. Like she'd been marinating. She smiled, finally. Too wide. "Would you like to reschedule?"
Finn's brain let out the Windows error sound.
"Come on—we don't have time—"
BANG!
A voice roared from behind the door. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"
Majestria yelped as Finn grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the exit.
"What happened?!"
"I don't want to talk about it!"
SPLASH!
Glass shattered by the door—urine rained down.
"What the hell is that?!"
"My urine!" the doctor screamed like a war cry.
"WHAT?!"
Finn charged through the exit like a man escaping Hell with the devil on his heels, dragging a divine princess with him.
Busting through the door, Finn stumbled outside with Majestria clinging to his back like a spoiled koala.
As the door slammed shut behind them, her bare divine feet touched the disgusting swamp ground.
"My feet!" she shrieked, immediately leaping back onto him and nearly sending his face directly into the mud.
"Damn it!" Finn growled, wobbling under her weight, eyes twitching. Before he could toss her off, the door behind him rattled, hard—like the piss doctor was about to bust out at full speed.
Nope.
He booked it through the street, mentally, physically, and spiritually on the verge of total collapse. Then—
A sign.
"Adventurers Guild."
'Please, for the love of everything that's not soaked in urine, let this be normal…'
Finn burst through the front door, panting. He scanned the room like a Vietnam vet returning to civilization. It looked…
Normal.
A cozy tavern-style room. A front desk. A bored-looking receptionist. Wooden tables filled with grungy adventurers eating and drinking. A bulletin board with quests. Barrels as chairs. No piss. No licking. No dog ears.
He slammed the door shut behind him like it was a holy act.
Everyone turned to stare.
Still panting, still traumatized, with Majestria wrapped around him like a divine parasite, he stood awkwardly in the center of the room.
She leaned in and whispered, "You can put me down now."
Finn didn't hesitate—he dropped her like a bag of trash.
She landed on her ass with a loud thump.
"You piece of—" she started, but froze as she finally noticed the crowd of confused stares.
And so, with broken pride, shattered sanity, and possibly someone else's urine still on his sleeve…
Their wondrous adventures had only just begun.