"Sena, wake up…" It started as a whisper…
A little too close to her ears, she thought she could almost feel its breath.
"Sena, wake up!" And the voice grew louder.
A hard, shell-like tip just grazed the corners of her ears.
"SENA, WAKE UP!!!" Until the shout has reached her.
The voice was a deep, guttural rasp, like gravel scraping against stone, with sudden shifts in pitch and tone.
A piercing, buzzing sound followed, ringing endlessly in her ears.
Her eyes twitched, struggling to open voluntarily.
Her vision tried to adjust to the shadow hovering above. She blinked rapidly, gently forcing her eyes open to see more clearly.
Eyes—wide, dead, unblinking.
A set of yellow eyes, devoid of life, daunting and sharp. A raptorial gaze, piercing and leveled with her own line of sight.
Sena's eyes widened.
Her fingers jerked in an attempt to move, but she couldn't.
She was frozen solid.
Eye to eye, a scowl stared at her… Just an inch away from her face.
Her thoughts raced, her breathing caught, suffocating.
What is that?! WHAT is that?! What IS that?! What is THAT!!!
A sudden loud sound from the splashing of water nearby broke the moment. It made her flinch, snapping her eyes tightly shut.
She instinctively covered her face with her elbows.
Fear twisted her gut into a cold, hard knot. She shivered for a moment.
Then she realized she hadn't felt anything.
She didn't bump into it. That thing that had just been in front of her… was no longer there.
Taking a deep breath, she forced her arms to unfold and stretched them wide as she turned onto her back.
Her eyes flew open.
The thing with the piercing gaze… was gone.
The firm, solid ground beneath her made her realize; she had lost consciousness for some time.
She felt distraught, disoriented.
She didn't know how she fell… or where exactly she was.
Turning her head to scan her surroundings, she saw the river nearby.
She was on the other side now…
"Ah, I managed to get across…"
— — —
A couple of days earlier…
"My Name is Sena Yukari. And I will live my third life to the fullest no matter what!"
Throwing both arms up in the air, hands spread open, she exclaimed to herself with pride.
Despite everything she'd gone through, deciding on a name gave her a much-needed dopamine boost.
Smiling widely, energy bubbling through her chest, she twirled in the middle of her tiny cabin.
Spinning once, she paused to curtsy, hands gripping the edge of an imaginary gown.
"Hi! I'm Sena Yukari..."
"Nice to meet you! My name is Sena Yukari!"
"You have a lovely name! Mine's Sena Yukari!"
She giddily introduced herself to imaginary people she thought she might meet one day.
With a giggle, she clasped her hands in the air, pretending to shake someone else's.
Satisfied, she plopped onto the bed, repeating her name again and again.
"I need to get used to my name. I need to know and embody being the one named by the world, bound by fate."
It felt a little cringe to say that aloud, but she wanted to feel proud of the meaning behind it.
She realised, "I am not nameless anymore… but I am still alone."
Looking around the cabin, she took a moment to simply breathe and appreciate it.
"I have to leave you, my humbly convenient abode," she whispered to the space, folding her knees and hugging them close as she rested her chin on her arms.
"I know I won't be able to live my third life to the fullest if I just coop myself up in here... despite the safety and comfort you've given me since waking up in Elioudra."
She knew her cabin of convenience was a nice starting point, but deep down, she couldn't get herself to call it her home.
Guilt tugged at her heart.
She knew she would have to get out of here and get to know not just the world where she stood, but herself along the way.
"I didn't know being an independent, strong woman would feel this lonely. Sure, it's peaceful, quiet, and serene… but,"
"Why do we even have this need for connection, or affection, or company?"
Her voice cracked.
"Nobody's here when I wake up in the morning. Nobody's here when I return for the night. Nobody waits for me, cares for me, or checks up on me…"
"Why do I crave communication so badly? I want to stay, but I want to earn my comfort."
"I feel like I have an abundance in freedom.. And yet… why do I feel so alone? I don't want to be alone..."
"I want to talk to people, smile, laugh, maybe cry on their shoulders. Or let them cry on mine… "
"I want to hug someone, lean on them, depend on them, feel their warmth…" At this point, she thought even an animal companion would do.
Dark waves of quiet depression smoldered in her heart.
She sniffled, blinking back the tears.
She wondered if her male soul's perspective about freedom and loneliness was being amplified by her female form's overwhelming emotions… or the other way around.
The stillness inside her cabin made it feel as if time had stopped.
Outside, birds chirped in practiced rhythms, branches snapped under the weight of wild boars, or perhaps rabbits running amok.
The world moved gently around her, but within these four walls, everything was suspended.
It felt like a peaceful retreat.
Too peaceful.
So much so, it began to gnaw at her, an unbearable quiet that made her want to leave even more.
Snapping out of it, she jumped to her feet, patting her cheeks and shaking her head left and right.
She took a deep, long breath and exhaled through her mouth.
"I can do this! Yes! My Name is Sena Yukari. And I will live my third life to the fullest, no matter what!"
She meant it.
Deep down, she knew if she didn't leave soon, she might unravel.
Talking to herself.
Spiraling between moods.
Losing her grip.
Grabbing a pen and parchment, she looked over her old list, scrunched it up, and tossed it aside.
Then scribbled a new one:
Things I need to do before I leave the cabin:
1. Gather as many nuts, herbs, and spices as I can.
"Finally find that truffle."
2. Start radio calisthenics.
"My female form feels so feeble, I need core strength."
3. Make a wooden sword to defend myself.
4. Maybe even a practice dummy.
"Self-defense is a must! I cannot be both weak and ignorant."
5. Catch and preserve a lot of fish!
"I'll need food in case I end up somewhere deserted."
6. Find bamboo… or carve a flask from soft wood for water.
7. Bring the lantern and matches.
8. Some parchment, pen, and ink
"I need to map out where I go."
9. Bring the books. AND READ THEM! (She underlined this three times.)
"Ah! Make a bag from the hide I received from—"
She stopped mid-sentence, remembering the old couple still stings at her memory. She stared at the hide that was folded neatly on top of her wardrobe.
Pain bloomed in her chest.
Images of Vien and Orthan flashed in her mind: warm but dreamlike.
Unreliable. Distant.
Attached to a memory that wasn't real, she reminded herself that despite having spent only a day with the old couple, she knew… she had to let go of these lingering feelings.
Here I go again, spiraling into sadness.
I really need to keep myself in check. How can someone feel happy one second and crash the next?
She scratched at her forehead.
Is this part of living in a woman's body?
I don't think it's weakness – just the weight of feeling everything more sharply. It's all new to me.
These mood swings, these emotions - they clash and swell like tides. I really don't think it's fragility.
Hmmm… I think it's intensity.
She looked up, staring at the blank spaces on the ceiling.
"I don't remember feeling anything this deeply before. But then again, aside from bitterness and regret… did I ever even feel joy?"
"I'll just have to create it now. I just need to do something to make myself happy, then!"
With that final thought, she pushed herself to her feet and stepped outside, ready to start on her to-do list.
Branches and trunks were easy enough to find. She fashioned a simple training dummy with a target circle on the head and chest area.
The wooden sword was a bit off at first, slightly crooked, but the grip was comfortable in her small hands.
After a few tries and some frustrations carving with just a filleting knife, she managed a more balanced one, symmetrical, proportioned to her reach.
Looking proud of what she had made, she entertained the idea of crafting a wooden katana.
After a while, it turned out to be too difficult to carve out a katana out of white wood using just a filleting knife.
She went to the kitchen and took out the chopping knife and cleaver as well.
Another attempt at carving out a katana, she hacked down a suitable branch with the cleaver, then shaped the blade with the chopping knife, forming the signature taper and curve.
It took her longer than she expected, and some splinters slowed her, but by the time the sun was about to set, she had managed to smooth out the surface of the wooden katana with her filleting knife.
With pride, she raised the completed wooden katana in her right hand, admiring her work.
In her left hand, she held the simpler wooden sword.
She held them both side by side. And smiled.
Letting out a long breath, Sena felt a quiet relief settle in.
Striking a goofy pose with both arms stretched forward, she declared, "My name is Sena Yukari... mighty mistress of handcrafted armaments and unbothered by splinters!"
She cackled to herself, half in pride, half in exhaustion.
"Okay… maybe just slightly bothered."
She looked again at her handiwork.
Are they crooked? A little.
Durable? Debatable.
But they were hers.
With a gentle breath, almost a whisper, she said her name again:
"My name is Sena Yukari."
A glint sparkled in her eye.
"And I will survive this world. One splinter at a time."