(Alys Prov)
I was running really fast. I didn't want to look back because I knew that if I did, I'd be devastated more than I ever was.
My breath was hitching and suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I clutched my hand to my chest and then as if it was the cue, the words said by Cristine echoed in my mind.
"Si... Fier is pregnant, Drake. You and Alys can't be together anymore... I'm so sorry, Drake..."
It can't be Drake's right? He can't do that to me... He loves me! At least that was what he said...
My phone was vibrating and so were my hands. It was Tripp.
I needed someone to talk to... I needed my best friend.
("Where have you been? I thought we would meet?") he asked.
They said the hardest time to control your sobbing was when you're acting tough but really, all you just want to do is to breakdown. It was a tiring cycle, and damning.
I ended the call before I could even cry. Tripp had already been through hell because of me. I don't want to bring him into my problems anymore. He's right, people are already hurting. Too many people are hurting. If I chose Drake, I need to stand up for him. Baby or not, I'm going to stand up for him.
I sent him a text message instead.
'Feeling bad. Tomorrow is tomorrow?'
And then I walked back to my car while crying my heart out because of the possibility that my boyfriend cheated on me and got someone pregnant. Damn if this thought didn't kill me.
As I was walking, it started drizzling. Why did the weather seem to be still together? It was like the earth was helping me wallow in my self pity. Instead of going straight to my car and going home and crying, I went straight to the swing I used to go to. This is where I used to cry whenever Drake hurt me. All our painful memories are here.
How many times has he hurt me and made me cry? I can't count it anymore. I know I shouldn't count how many because I'm the one who wants it too. I chose to love him, threfore, I chose to be hurt by him. That's how it is. When you love him, expect to be hurt. What is love without a little pain?
Of all the reasons I cried for him, this is the one I can say that I don't know how to put into my mind how to accept. Damn I want to accept it but I don't know where to start.
As I was swinging myself along with my loneliness, someone tapped my back.
"Alys?"
I turned around and saw Sheen looking weirdly at me.
"Are you crying?" he asked and then he brought out his handkerchief and offered it to me. "Oh," he said and when I was to hurt to accept it, he wiped my tears for me. "Why are you crying? A crying woman is ugly. You should always smile."
I missed him. I missed his always being positive. He was the only person I knew who was positive about everything. He always knew how to see the best in someone. No matter how bad you treat him, he'll let it pass and instead find something in you that he'll like. He was always just like that. He's close to being an angel...
Instead of replying, I hugged him.
He chuckled and then patted my head. "After all these years, you're still young, Alys."
I bit my lip and smiled at the familiarity of this scenario. It was like going back to high school with Sheen here consoling me. He's still that person who waits until I stopped crying. That's why I liked him because he knew how to make me smile and stop crying. It was enough for me to like him.
"No way..." I whispered. "Why are you here?" I asked him, knowing that he wasn't from the village. I took the handkerchief from him and wiped my tears. The handkerchief was enough to stop my crying, at least. Maybe if it weren't for Sheen, I would have been here all night, wondering why the heavens wanted me hurting all the time.
He smiled and then sat on the adjacent swing. "I'm just looking for something. You?"
"Crying, obviously," I said.
"You really are," he said and ruffled my hair. "Why are you crying?"
With Sheen, I felt comfortable spilling all the demons of my life. He was as trustworthy as he was. I knew he wouldn't judge me, that he was just there to listen, to give advice if you wanted. He was just a good listener and the best friend anyone could have.
I adjusted myself not to look directly at him. It felt a little bit silly to tell him. Was I being a tattletale? I didn't think so. I just wanted someone to talk to. That's all...
"It's about Drake..." I began. He stayed silent and waited for me to go on and so I did. "We broke up and then now, here we are again. All was hell and then all was supposed to be finally hell but something big happened..." I said, trying so hard for my voice not to break. "I-I think he got someone pregnant."
I thought after I finished my sentence, I'd cry. But no, eh. I was just there, absorbing everything.
My problem wasn't silly. It was serious. How could I handle this? I love Drake. I loved him for years already but I don't know if I can take him away if it's true that he already has a child. It was just cruel for the innocent kid...
"Did he say it himself?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Confirmation wasn't necessary, Sheen."
"Alys, never assume unless directly stated. Rule of accountancy. Rule of life."
I smiled and shook my head. "How can I? I don't think I can ask anymore, I might just burst into tears..."
"What do you want? There are only two, Alys. First, don't ask and you'll be curious for the rest of your life. Or second, ask and you'll be hurt but you'll find a solution."
Is it possible that there's no choice left? Can we go back to square one? That's possible with Math, right? Why did I feel like Math was so complicated before, but now? I wish it was just Math, because Math was just Math, I could start from the beginning. And with what's happening in my life? Nothing, eh. That's it. Live with it or run from it.
I took a deep breath. "Can both be null? We're talking about a child, Sheen. What if I ask him and I'm still here but... how can I be brave enough to compete with the child?"
"You underestimate Drake, Alys. I've known Drake since elementary school. No matter how many times he gets pregnant, you and only you will be the one to bring him home. He's in love with you. Don't you know that yet?"
"But the kid..."
He stood up and pulled me with him. "Drake won't marry the child, Alys. He'll marry the woman he loves. And that's you."
I smiled and hugged him again. "Thanks, Sheen."
"No, you're the one. Let's go, I'll join you."
We walked home and left my car. I'll probably just go get her.
While walking home, I couldn't help but still feel anxious. Would I ask to confirm? But why am I even thinking about it, I'm already having a hard time. It was hard thinking about it but a lot harder actually doing it.
When we got home, he said he'll visit me again soon. Hopefully. I need someone like him. Unbiased and just positive.
"Alys."
His voice. It was Drake talking to me. He was standing in front of our house door, just probably waiting for me.
"Why?" I asked him, trying to sound normal. He didn't know I knew. Was he going to tell me or was he just lying? Both hurt so much.
He took a step forward and caressed my face. "Were you crying?" he asked in the most gentle manner.
I tried to smile and said, "No."
I removed his hand from my face and walked in. The house was empty, I didn't know where they were but it was probably better. I didn't want them to see me like this, hurt. It's always like that, it's boring.
He followed me inside, just silently tailing me around.
"Do you need anything?" I asked.
He shook his head and just sat on the stool in the kitchen while I got some water. All the crying was dehydrating me.
"Alys..." he said.
"What?"
He smiled. "I love you."
My heart stopped beating. Is this it? Is he going to tell me 'I love you but I can't marry you.' Should I get ready?
My hands were shaking, I didn't know how to wait for what he was going to say next.
"Drake, are you going to tell me something?" I asked.
He stared deep into me and then sighed. "You hate lies. I hate lies."
I nodded. Lies are destructive. Lies will kill your relationship.
"I hate lies. I loathe them," I said back. The moment was intense, at any moment the feelings I had been feeling could explode. Tell me, Drake! End this misery!
"Fier's pregnant," he said. There, finally.
I bit my lips to stop myself from crying but damn this one tear that left my eye.
"You're the father?"
He nodded.
I turned my back and cried. I threw the glass I was holding. I didn't know anymore. Sheen said it was better to know... But why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel like I'm going to die from the pain?
My chest was tight. I didn't know what to do.
"Alys..." he said.
"Drake, go away. Leave me alone, please!"
"Listen"
I turned to face him. I didn't care if he saw me crying. I was already hurting. I didn't want him to see me like this. It hurts.
"You're leaving, right?! Don't you understand?!"
"Listen to me first!" he suddenly raised his voice. "I want you, Alys. I don't want Fier."
I threw the fruit in the bowl at him. You're a fool, Drake! You always do this to me!
"I wish you had thought of that before you adopted her!"
He went near me and restrained me. "It's done, Alys. I can't do anything about it but be responsible and man enough to claim the child. And I'm man enough to still ask you to be with me. Alys, just you. Just you always, eh..."
His words were beautiful but still weren't enough to heal all these scars. he's having a baby with another woman. With another woman, not with me. Where in my brain should that be buried?
"You impregnated her, Drake. Don't expect me to let you go."
He nodded. "I don't expect you to but I expect you not to leave me, Alys. Please don't."
I bit my lip and put my hand on my head. "You had her pregnant. Damn, she was your first! Do you want me to go crazy?!"
"Are you marrying my virginity or me?" he asked.
Damn you, Palma! I'm the one with the issue with your virginity now!
"To hell with virginity! Drake, you got Fier pregnant! Do you expect me to be happy?"
He stared at me. "I'll get you pregnant tonight if you want."
"I'm serious! Don't do that to me!"
He took another step and held me by the arm. "Alys, you're the only one I want to be pregnant with my child. Fier was a mistake but you will always be my choice."