Chapter 11: Never Judge a Book By Its Cover
The night air was cool as Orion and Lumine walked through the quiet streets of Mondstadt, the glow of lanterns casting long shadows. Amber had waved them off with a cheerful grin, though Orion didn't miss the way her fingers tightened around her bow strap—or the way Lumine smirked back at her like a cat who'd won a silent battle.
"Women are terrifying," Orion thought.
[♡~ And yet, Master loves them~ ♡] Zero chimed in, her voice dripping with amusement.
"Zero, I swear—"
Before he could finish, Lumine glanced at him, her golden eyes glinting in the dim light. "You've been quiet. Something on your mind?"
Orion hesitated, then blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but… my nose senses a scent from you. Are you perhaps older than you look?"
The moment the words left his mouth, he wanted to vanish into the ground.
"What the hell am I asking? My nose senses something? I sound like Kamado Tanjiro."
A beat of silence.
"Wait. Who the hell is Tanjiro?"
Lumine's lips curled into a slow, knowing smile. "Perceptive. It's true—I'm older than I appear." She tilted her head. "Impressive that you noticed."
Internally, Lumine's thoughts took a far more dangerous turn.
"If he weren't mortal… I would've taken him away already."
[♡~ Master, no need to worry about age~ ♡] Zero purred directly into Orion's ear, her voice a sultry whisper. [You're a Deity now. You'll live as long as you want. And I'm always ready to—]
"ZERO." Orion nearly tripped over his own feet, his face burning. "Don't—don't whisper that near my ear! It's bad for my heart!"
Lumine raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"
"Fine! Perfect! Never better!" Orion coughed, straightening his coat. "Just… talking to myself."
Lumine's smirk deepened. "Right."
---
The Real Problem
Lumine's home was cozy—a small but well-kept house near the city's outskirts. She tossed him a spare blanket and pillow.
"Couch is yours. Don't get any ideas."
Orion nodded, trying (and failing) not to notice how the dim light accentuated the curve of her neck.
"This is fine. Totally fine."
[♡~ Liar~ ♡]
He groaned, flopping onto the couch—only to immediately regret it as a spring jabbed into his spine.
"Archons above, this thing is a torture device."
Lumine, already halfway to her room, glanced back. "Problem?"
"Nope. Comfy. Very comfy."
She laughed—a soft, melodic sound that sent an entirely different kind of ache through his chest."Goodnight, Orion."
The door clicked shut.
Silence.
[♡~ So… about those children~ ♡]
"ZERO."
---
Meanwhile, Outside…
Amber crouched on a nearby rooftop, binoculars in hand.
"That's my man, Lumine…" she muttered, pouting. "This isn't over."
Elsewhere, in the depths of Natlan's hot springs, Aether sneezed.
"Huh. Someone's talking about me."
---
The Couch Wars & Aether's Despair
Amber's Counterattack (Foiled by a Granny)
After her rooftop stakeout, Amber climbed down with a villainous grin, whispering to herself, "Just wait, Lumine… I'll steal him back—"
"YOUNG WOMAN!"
A window slammed open below her, revealing an elderly lady with a broom in hand and fury in her eyes.
"I don't know who you are, but STOP LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC AT MIDNIGHT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"
Amber froze. "Uh… sorry, ma'am?"
"SORRY?! YOU'VE BEEN CACKLING LIKE A HILICHURL ON SUNSETTA FOR TWO HOURS!"
What followed was the most thorough scolding Mondstadt's night had ever witnessed. By the time the granny finished, Amber slunk away, her ears burning, her revenge plot temporarily derailed.
"This… this isn't over."
---
Aether's Tragic Return
Meanwhile, in Natlan, Aether—once the suave, lady-killing Traveler—was unceremoniously tossed out of a hot spring by Mavuika, her foot imprint still fresh on his back.
"Come back when you learn some respect," she growled.
Defeated, Aether dragged himself back to Mondstadt, muttering, "First Noelle rejects me, now Mavuika… what's wrong with this world?!"
By dawn, he reached Lumine's house, hoping for sympathy—only to peer through the window and see Zero curled around Orion, her arms wrapped possessively around him as they slept.
Aether's soul left his body.
"WHY?!" he wailed, collapsing to his knees. "Why does he get a maid who clings to him?! In my story, I had all the Cryo girls! Now I can't even get one?!"
He shook his fists at the sky. "AUTHOR! DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?!"
A distant, disembodied voice echoed in his mind:
[Yes and No. 😮💨 Fine, I'll give you one or two later.]
"I WANT TEN!" Aether demanded.
[What?! Take one or two. If you demand ten, I'll take all the girls away.]
Aether's defiance crumbled. "F-Fine… just one true love. Like that maid over there…"
[Okay, 👍 but she'll be a bit crazy. 😜]
"HUH? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN—"
The voice vanished.
Aether's tears fell freely.
---
Lumine's Wrath
The door flew open. Lumine stood there, her golden eyes glowing like twin suns in the dark.
"STUPID BROTHER," she hissed, her voice colder than Dragonspine's peaks. "WHO ARE YOU SHOUTING AT?! IT'S MIDNIGHT!"
Aether's survival instincts kicked in. He pointed frantically at Orion. "L-Look! There was a maid hugging him! I swear!"
Lumine glanced at the couch. Orion was alone, sprawled awkwardly, drooling on a pillow.
Her gaze swung back to Aether, sharp enough to pierce stone.
"Okay, I'll be good! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" Aether squeaked.
Lumine grabbed him by the collar and yeeted him into the nearby fountain.
---
Zero's Whisper
Back inside, Orion stirred, blinking sleepily. "Wuzzat…?"
[♡~ Just your future brother-in-law getting what he deserves~ ♡] Zero giggled in his mind.
Orion groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.
"This world is insane."
---
Author's Note: Aether's suffering is the price of balance. Orion's suffering is the price of being the protagonist. Zero's chaos is the price of my entertainment. Everybody pays.😌