Exactly one week had passed since the day I was admitted and the fateful news delivered by the on-call doctor. The tranquility of my confinement was barely disturbed by the sound of the on-duty nurse coming to check my file and administer a pulse of corticosteroids prescribed to begin my chemotherapy phase.
After the biopsy performed on the third day of my hospitalization, the doctor concluded that his diagnosis was partially correct and that there was still the possibility of removing the damaged segment of my liver in order to try to get my body into remission if the treatment worked.
"The success rate is low," "Long-term side effects could affect muscle tissue, including the heart"—blank words, just blabbermouths, hurled from a privileged position while my soul was torn to shreds, lying in that cold hospital bed.
My nose had stopped itching as I sniffed the pungent scent of hospital disinfectant, but the veins in my right arm felt a sharp sting with each dose of corticosteroids I was given.
My mouth tasted like iron from the medication and to make matters worse, the bland hospital food didn't help my situation at all.
It was an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty, ominous thoughts kept running through my head, playing tricks on me at night in trance-like nightmares that tended to repeat themselves over and over again.
I was running around the racetrack like any other race day, the wind brushing my body, and the feeling of euphoria overpowering me as I crossed the finish line. The cheers of the crowd surrounded me, accompanied by the reflections of camera flashes as I raised the gold medal, but as soon as I turned my gaze toward the press area, two silhouettes made cold sweat run down my back.
Hana was holding her camera, smiling at me, waving her right hand in the air, and jumping up and down in joy. But beside her, a mysterious, shadowy figure hugged her waist in an impure manner.
"Hana?" I tried to get off the podium and ran toward my girlfriend, but my legs gave out, and I fell to my knees in front of them. When I looked up, Hana's charming, candid face broke into a mischievous smile as she kissed the mysterious figure shrouded in black mist on the lips.
- "I'm sorry Jinta-kun, it's true that you are a good boyfriend. But look at you now, in your current condition you are far from being the perfect man for me. Stop struggling and just die, I want to fulfill my dream and you are just dragging me into the mud." – Beneath my legs the ground begins to turn into quicksand and my body slowly sinks; Desperate to try to escape, I reach out my hand looking for Hana's hand begging for help. But that mysterious man mocks my efforts and with his foot crushes my head submerging me faster in that deadly trap.
When I manage to wake up from that nightmare, my body is drenched in sweat and my breathing is completely labored. With fear consuming me, I turn around in all directions, disoriented for a few brief seconds, and quickly realize I'm still in the hospital bed.
- "Jinta-kin, I'm back." Since the day of the race incident, Mariko hasn't missed a single day, taking advantage of her visitor's pass to keep me company. If it weren't for her, I swear on all that is holy, I would have lost my mind at any moment. She certainly became a lifeline for me; with my uncle taking orders from the bakery to pay the hospital bills, the loneliness that overwhelmed me was lessened by the presence of that dear friend.
"Hey Jinta! How's the hospital food? Have you fallen in love with any of the nurses?" Taking a rag doll out of her curious bag, Mariko made a childish voice, like something from a children's show, while shaking the peculiarly shaped doll.
- "No, Mr. Toad, I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend even if the sexiest nurse in the world was standing right in front of me. And the food is disgusting."
- "It's not a toad, it's a cute turtle! You silly Jinta!" – Pouting, which made her cheeks even chubbier, Mariko gave me a subtle look of anger for playing that joke on her regarding the appearance of her craft work.
- "Is that one of the puppets you're going to use with Hana on Monday when you go to the orphanage?" - With my gaze a little dull and a slight smile at my weakness, I look at Mariko's face, tilting my head a little while unconsciously taking her hand that rests on the sheets of my bed.
"Yes, this is Mrs. Kappa. But there are other kids who will be joining her for the puppet show." Mariko looked embarrassed, her face lowering slightly, as the hand she was holding trembled. This made me realize how inappropriate my gesture had been toward her.
- "I'm sorry Mariko, it must have been awkward for you." Scratching my cheek a little with my awkward expression, I turned my face to look away.
- "It wasn't uncomfortable," whispering those words that I could barely hear, Mariko took an apple out of her bag and began peeling it to feed it to me.
- "Bad girl, you know you can't bring food into the hospital."
- "I'm not bad and it's just an apple."
- "Yes, you're a bad girl, and bad girls need to be punished." – With my little strength due to starvation, I brought my hand up to Mariko's head to shake her hair. I expected her to pull back to avoid my touch, but contrary to my expectations, she moved her head closer, causing me to touch her hair.
"Can I really be a bad girl, Jinta?" Mariko watched my expression with a tender gaze, searching for a negative reaction. But seeing her like that, I felt a slight tingle in my chest, making me pet her head just a little more, as if she were a kitten.
- "You know Hana is my girlfriend."
- "I know, I know my sister is your girlfriend. But this is nothing more than an innocent affection for your dear sister-in-law." Saying those words, Mariko took my hand and placed it on my lap. She continued to peel the apple in silence, cutting pieces into rabbit-shaped slices to place on the plate.
- "I haven't told my sister about your diagnosis. That night when she came home from work, she asked me how your run was, and I told her you injured some cartilage. That it wasn't serious and that you wanted her to focus on her work."
"You did well, Mariko, thank you." Even though Hana is my girlfriend, I would have liked her to accompany me to the hospital. However, with all the work I had to do with the agency and preparing for the university entrance exams, I didn't dare drag her into this hospital room.
"Patient Tanaka Jinta, may I come in?" The oncologist I was referred to had been to see me a couple of times to check on my condition and inform me of the test results. He was a middle-aged man with a sober, good-natured appearance, resembling a giant teddy bear due to his bulging belly.
"Oh, I see Miss Marshmallow is with you. Heh, heh, heh." In the few days I've been hospitalized, Mariko has had minor confrontations with the doctor over his tactless approach in telling me the test results. As a result, Mariko had nicknamed him Mr. Gummy Bear, and in response to that nickname, the doctor named me Miss Marshmallow, after a pink sweater I was wearing one day.
- "Wow, you look a little plumper than usual, doctor."
"Not as much as you, little marshmallow." Watching those two argue like that gave me the impression of a granddaughter fighting with her grumpy grandfather. It made it hard to hide my laughter, which at times ended up getting me into trouble.
- "Well, whatever. I didn't come to fight with you, kiddo. But I have good news for your boyfriend."
- "We are not boyfriend and girlfriend" – When we denied that statement in unison, the doctor could barely hide his laughter, making us both blush due to embarrassment.
"Well, as I was saying, the good news I have for you, young Jinta, is that tomorrow we can discharge you so you can go home. With all the information we've gathered, we already have a course of treatment to follow, so you'll only need to come in for a period of scheduled appointments over the next six months to receive chemotherapy. But you should be aware that you won't be able to expose yourself to large crowds once we begin treatment." With that announcement from the doctor, I felt immensely relieved to know I could leave that lonely hospital room and return home. With a few days of rest and some delicious food, I was sure I'd feel better and be able to help out at the bakery with my uncle again.
"Doctor, does Jinta have to follow some kind of diet? What medications will he be taking? Will reception give us an appointment schedule?" Standing up from her chair, Mariko began questioning the doctor, showing a hint of anxiety.
- "Boy, if I were you, I'd take this pretty young lady as my wife as soon as I recovered my health. If I were forty years younger, believe me, I wouldn't hesitate to snatch her away from you." – With her face completely red with anger and embarrassment, Mariko tapped the doctor on the shoulder, causing him to laugh at her nonstop.
- "All yours, doctor."
"Jinta, you're stupid!" When Mariko turned around, her eyes had reddened slightly, letting a few tears flow. Seeing that expression, a mixture of sadness and disappointment, I realized I had been too cruel with that last joke.
- "I'm sorry, Mariko. You're right, I am stupid."
"Yes, you're a big idiot. But I forgive you." With a more relaxed expression, Mariko sat down next to me once more and remained silent until the doctor left the room.
That moment of silence between us became so uncomfortable that I tried to focus on the clock to distract myself until visiting hour was over. I didn't know what to say, how to start the conversation again, feeling so low; I really cursed myself; I was a complete idiot with such a kind-hearted girl.
- "Hey, Jinta-kun. Did you really mean what you said to the doctor?" – Breaking the silence, Mariko asked that question in a calm tone of voice, her gaze lowered, playing with her fingers, caressing the cloth puppet.
- "No, I would never say anything so cruel, seriously. You're a lovely girl, my best friend. All I want for you is for you to find happiness."
- "Do you think someone as chubby as me can find someone who loves her?"
"Regardless of her physical appearance, Mariko is the most charming young woman I could have ever met. Any guy who proposed to you would be the luckiest man to have you as his girlfriend." I wasn't trying to be condescending; I truly believed, deep down in my heart, that Mariko was a woman of great qualities and unique charm. Beyond her taciturn nature, her joy when she finally managed to open her heart was overwhelming.
- "Do you really believe it?"
"Yes, I don't doubt it," Mariko lifted her face and brightened after hearing me say that. It was as if my earlier words to the doctor had slipped away like rainwater hitting the windowpanes.
- "It's time to go. I'll call your uncle and tell him you're being released tomorrow. When you get home, can I come visit you?"
- "Sure, you're welcome as many times as you want." Smiling at her in a friendly way, I took Mariko's hand and thanked her for accompanying me during that overwhelming week in the hospital.
"Well, I'm off. Oh, I forgot. Here, here." Rummaging through her bag, Mariko pulled out a small crocheted bear doll with an embroidered heart on its chest, which she kissed and gently placed on my pillow.
- "Is it a stuffed animal?"
- "Yes, it's a doll to keep you company while you sleep. I just put a spell on it to rid you of nightmares and help you rest well."
- "How did you know I have nightmares?"
- "Once they brought you home from the tests, you were asleep, and the nurses placed you on the bed. Since you looked exhausted, I didn't want to wake you, so I stayed silent, watching over you until visiting time was over. But suddenly, your face looked sad, and from one moment to the next, you woke up, disoriented, and I got scared." – When Mariko told me that, I was completely shocked. I was so ashamed of having displayed such childish behavior that I didn't know what to answer.
- "You're a good boy, Jinta-kun. It pains me to see you suffer, so I wanted to lighten your load with something, even if it seemed pointless."
"Nothing you do is useless, Mariko. Thank you very much, I'm sure I'll be able to sleep well tonight." With a slight smile, Mariko bowed her head and said goodbye to me.
The day after I left the hospital, my uncle took me to an accessory store to buy Mariko a thank-you gift. Looking through the window displays, I found some beautiful peony-shaped earrings that I thought would look good on her. After that, we went home, where Mariko was already waiting for us outside the bakery.
- "Welcome home, Jinta" – With her face brimming with joy at seeing us arrive, Mariko waved her arms in jubilation when I got out of the vehicle, still walking weakly.
- "I'm back, Mariko" – When I was about to give her the small box with the thank you gift, Hana suddenly appeared and threw herself into my arms, causing the small gift box to fall to the floor.
- "Jinta, I missed you so much! How are you? What did they tell you at the hospital? Do you know how worried I was?" – Without even giving me time to respond, Hana kept hugging me while repeatedly kissing my cheek.
- "I'm also glad to see you again, Hana. How did it go with the agency?"
"It's been so much work these past few days. The manager got several contracts with some local magazines, and I've been running around doing marathon shoots." I knew she was a very busy woman with her job, and there was also the fact that I'd asked her not to come see me at the hospital. But in those seven days, I never received a single text on my cell phone or even a call. Honestly, it made my spirits feel low, but the warmth she gave me in that moment made up for the cold feeling of her absence.
- "I'm glad to hear you've been doing well, Hana. You're getting closer to fulfilling your dream. I'm proud of you."
- "Thank you, my beautiful baby. You're always cheering me up."
- "Sister, Jinta-kun just got out of the hospital, it's better if we let him rest."
- "Don't be a party pooper, Mariko. Can't you see we're making up for lost time? Besides, Jinta-kun doesn't mind, right?" – Even though I was feeling a little tired from the long confinement in the hospital, I didn't want to leave Hana's side. We hadn't seen each other or spent a lot of time together due to her busy schedule, so that offer made me very happy.
- "Okay, Hana, grab the keys and go to my room to get comfortable. I'll bring some snacks right away."
- "Thanks Jinta, you're a sweetheart." Giving me a kiss on the cheek, Hana took the keys and went up the outside stairs that led to the second-floor apartments with a very cheerful attitude.
- "Would you like to join us?" – Extending my hand to Mariko, I offered to join our little celebration, but she silently shook her head and turned me down.
- "She's right, they haven't seen each other in a long time, Jinta-kun. I'd only be doing my sister a disservice. It's better if I go, take care of yourself." Bowing slightly, Mariko began to walk slowly, holding her bag.
A few steps away, I managed to reach her, barely panting a little from the effort, to touch her shoulder.
- "Jinta, you fool, the doctor told you that you should rest!"
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to give you this to thank you for taking care of me." Placing the small, battered box in her hands, Mariko's eyes lit up as her cheeks flushed at the gift. When she opened the packaging and saw that they were peony earrings, her lips broke into a slight, warm smile.
- "Peonies, they're my favorite flowers. Thank you."
- "Is it your favorite flower?"
- "What? You bought them without knowing it?"
- "No, I didn't know. I just bought them thinking they would look beautiful on you." Without realizing it, that inner thought escaped my lips, causing Mariko to cover her face with her hands, unable to control her embarrassment.
- "Jinta, you're so unfair. You should only say those words to Hana. Please don't play with me."
- "I'm not playing with you, I really think they would look beautiful on you."
"Please, stop and go see my sister. I really liked the earrings, but I beg you not to give me something like that again." Understanding the weight of Mariko's filial words, I apologized for any misunderstanding that might have caused sadness in her heart. After saying goodbye, I went to the kitchen on the first floor behind the bakery and prepared the snacks to spend time with my girlfriend.
- "You took a long time, Jinta-kun. What took you so long?" – With a slightly stern tone, Hana was sitting on a cushion with her arms crossed, showing an irritated expression on her face.
- "I'm sorry Hana, I was just saying goodbye to Mariko, thanking her for accompanying me to the hospital." – Placing the cold barley tea drinks on the cup holders with difficulty, I leaned down to sit on my cushion, feeling my legs ache from the position.
- "Yeah, it's a good thing Hana has a lot of free time. At least she did something useful besides wasting time with that stupid craft club."
- "Hana, don't be like that, she's your sister and she loves you."
- "Jinta-kun, you're too soft on her. If you're not stricter, she'll never mature and start opening up her circle of acquaintances." – Honestly, Hana's tone of voice was irritating me. I knew they had a tense relationship due to the conditions under which their parents' new marriage was formed. But a lot of time had passed, and with what happened during her first year of high school, I thought Hana had changed her ways towards her sister when she saw that she asked me for help to save her from being bullied.
Since I started working at the agency, Hana's attitude toward Mariko had become excessively harsh. As her boyfriend and Mariko's friend, I tried my best to improve their relationship, but Hana's reticent attitude made me uncomfortable at times.
- "Okay, let's change the subject. At the hospital, they told me I only had a slight inflammation in my Achilles tendon and that I was low on electrolytes, nothing serious, but my uncle insisted they run tests so I wouldn't be at risk for my upcoming competitions. I'm sorry if you're too worried, Hana, but I didn't want to interfere with your work over a little something." Bowing my head slightly in apology, I took my girlfriend's hand, who remained silent for a brief moment, which I found uncomfortable.
As I looked up, Hana's frown deepened as she leaned her face closer to mine.
- "Jinta, you're my boyfriend. Whatever happens to you will never be a small thing to me; I know I've been distant from you lately because of work, but I've never forgotten who you are to me. So be a little more selfish, will you?" – Grabbing me by the back of the neck in a wild way, Hana pressed her lips against mine, giving me a lingering kiss that made my heart race, leaving me almost breathless.
- "Hana!"
"Shhh, that's your reward for enduring all those days in the hospital. I'm a great girlfriend, aren't I?" My girlfriend playfully mocked my embarrassment as she pulled a magazine out of her purse.
"Look, Jinta-kun, this is my latest work. It's a photo shoot the agency did in collaboration with an idol group sponsored by the company." Flipping through the pages of that publication, I saw the photos taken by Hana's camera, and each one amazed me with the consistency of her work. There was no doubt that the time I was spending as an assistant was paying off, and little by little, her efforts were being recognized. Seeing my girlfriend's talent shine like that, I can't help but feel proud and congratulate her.
- "You're amazing, Hana."
- "I know, you have a perfect girlfriend." – With joy in my heart, I took the glass of barley tea and toasted her future without taking my gaze off her sweet face, thinking about the idea that in that bright future where she would be, I would probably be absent.
What would she think if I told her now that I was going to die? Would she cry her eyes out? Would she break down and join me on my descent into the grave? These dire thoughts invaded my mind, sending chills down my spine as I realized I was becoming a cynic.
Shaking my head slightly, I calmed my thoughts and tried to change the course of the conversation.
- "You know, it's been a while since we've gone out on a date. What do you think about going to see the fireworks this festival?"
- "Yes, that sounds good to me, Jinta-kun. In fact, I was thinking of asking you to come with me. I've already made some space in my schedule and I'm really excited to go with you." With her candid smile that always seemed like the spring sun to me, Hana's response warmed my sad heart, making the affliction that had enveloped me until just a few moments ago dissipate like fog at dawn.
- "Then it's a deal, Jinta-kun. By the way, I have to go now. I have an appointment at the agency. I snuck out for a bit to come see you. Sorry." Clasping her hands in supplication, Hana bowed her head, saddened at having to leave me so soon.
Accompanying her to her taxi, I said goodbye, smiling, my heart lighter after that brief encounter. The shinigami's harsh words no longer mattered much to me; just being near Hana was enough to help me face any adversity.
As I was walking up the stairs to my apartment, a message notification came to my phone.
"Thanks, you were right. They look really nice." A brief message accompanied by a photo of Mariko wearing the earrings brought the day to a close. Seeing that she hadn't gotten angry with me, I was glad to have such a valuable friend by my side.
It was just the first few days of vacation, but in my heart I was already wishing it was August 13th so I could be with Hana again.