A few years ago ,a girl 16 years old moved with her family to a new town . The feeling of excitement aroused leaving her overwhelmed with the trip but there was sad feeling deep down which she never shared with anyone
"Though surrounded by people she never had genuine friends "
She always wanted to express her feelings but no one to hear her out".
The years kept passing but she never seemed to overcome this feeling of loneliness,a feeling that she felt
She felt she wasn't loved ,she wasn't good enough no matter what she did she never felt satisfied with herself
She wore a cheerful mask ,seemed energetic ,lively and fun to the world but no one understood her pain.
The pain in her heart,the feeling of loneliness grew and became deeper by the day . She tried to be strong not giving in to the demands of the influence of everyone around her .
She loves everyone but herself , but a thought came to her mind " How can you love others but yourself,you claim to love others but in reality you don't even have love to give ,love starts from loving yourself before it spreads to everyone around you doesn't that mean that what you give out as love is fake and not genuine ". She tried so hard to fight the emotions within her but her meekness served as an obstacle and so She ended up giving in to peer pressure ."Although raised in a Christian home she didn't share their faith" I say . Her friends all had their love partners but at first she wasn't concerned about it she thought so
Hmmm
> Sighs
She happened to come across a guy when she moved into the new town
She felt he was a good friend,they would always chit chat,make fun of each other ,talk about things
Those feelings developed from friendship to something they thought was love . They both felt the same way and finally told each other how they felt .
For her it felt like the sun had risen in her world,her face beamed brightly, a radiant smile across her face.she felt at ease that she had found someone whom she loved and loves her too not knowing lust was just hovering like a cloud over her head and to her it seemed like love .
Each day passed by and they behaved like couples in the secret ,they did things only couples are supposed to do.
They thought it was going to be a forever thing
> Laughs faintly
Life has a way of snapping you back to reality.
A day came when she looked at herself in a mirror and saw that she had become a shadow of her former self that face that once glowed with a radiant smile had now turned pale .
Looking at the mirror ,she began to reflect on her actions and behaviours
She said"I shouldn't have entered this relationship,I wasn't thinking straight,I was overwhelmed with emotions , it's like a veil has been lifted off my face ,my eyes are now clear "
She felt ashamed of herself
She asked herself "was it really me that did all this ,what have I done?"
The memories didn't just flash they were screaming
Her chest tightened, hands trembling, the weight of who she had become hanged on her shoulders. Slowly she dropped to her knees with tears streaming..
She decided to let go of this feeling of guilt and condemnation
It was a feeling that wasn't explainable, she couldn't lift her head high among her peers
She cried everyday pleading for mercy but a spirit called guilt kept whispering
"you never thought about your parents,your life is useless now u would always talk about dignity and respect where has that gone now , you threw away your principles just for this !"
It dawned on her that she had committed the biggest mistake , she felt it was a betrayal of the values she once held dear ,maybe it was a feeling of loneliness ,maybe it was the desire to belong but now even her friends haven't done those despicable acts she committed , that thought shattered her.
It all rooted down to a feeling deep down an inferiority complex.
"Each night, she knelt by her bed, whispering prayers through trembling lips, her pillow soaked in silent tears."
but the devil never misses an opportunity to remind her of her past , a past she wants to erase
"It all feels like a dream" she said ,what happens if people come to know about it
She embraces her reality and tells herself "don't let your past define you"
She is still trying to pick up the pieces of her life and trying to figure out the hidden purpose in the pain
She opens her notebook,the second page blank. At the top,she writes;
"Chapter two.....
> Light fades out