Part I :
Auren (popping into frame with confetti and possibly unhinged energy):
"Lords and ladies, peasants and plot devices—welcome back to the one, the only, the recap nobody asked for but everyone needed!"
"Now before we dive into the sweet delicious trauma between Chapters 25 to 30—LET ME DO THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FIRST."
"To the FOUR GLORIOUS SOULS who added this royal mess of a novel to your collections…"
He kneels dramatically.
"You have no idea what that button meant. You didn't just collect a book—you collected me. My heartbreak. My eyeliner. My deeply questionable coping mechanisms."
"You're the reason I can keep being dramatic and still not get arrested for it. So thank you. No, seriously. THANK YOU."
He wipes a fake tear.
"Now… back to the murder and flirting."
---
Sevrin appears, twirling a dagger and looking like emotional bankruptcy in velvet.
"Missed me? What, I disappear for one interlude and everyone falls apart?"
Looks at Auren "Especially you, drama prince."
Smirks "You keep this up, and I might start calling you soft."
---
Auren (smirking back, but dead inside):
"Says the man who ghosted me and then showed up just in time to stab the fourth wall."
"Also—why do you look hotter than the last time? That's illegal."
Auren (back in center frame):
"Anyway. Chaos is here. Secrets are out. And apparently, so is my unresolved trauma!"
"Next chapter? You'll want tea. Possibly a therapist. Definitely tissues."
Part Ii: Completely new
🌟 Cue spotlight.
Cue dramatic theme music.
Cue our golden boy slamming a chair backwards and straddling it like a bad decision with good hair.
AUREN:
"Well.
Look who finally decided to show up.
That's right, peasants. It's me.
The crown prince, the court clown, the emotional disaster with cheekbones sharp enough to unalive a nation."
He spreads his arms like a magician about to pull trauma out of a hat.
"Welcome to my Recap Center, where logic dies, and the tea is hotter than the Southern Isles on fire.
Because spoiler alert: THEY. ACTUALLY. BURNED."
---
🎬 Previously, on Elara's Attempt at Sanity™
Chapter 25:
Elara entered the court like she owned the place.
She did not.
But did that stop her from slapping Serina with sass and scrolls?
No. It did not.
Auren:
"Also, shoutout to Cladus. Silent. Loyal. Possibly the love interest. Possibly a decorative wall fixture.
Man's been saying more with his collarbone than his mouth, and I respect that."
Chapter 26:
Elara said check.
Serina blew up the board.
Some say it was strategy.
Others say it was petty.
We say: iconic.
Chapter 27:
Auren actually did something helpful.
But did he take credit?
Of course not. He fake-smiled and gaslit everyone into thinking he was just loitering fashionably.
Auren:
"I mean come on. I moved entire shiploads, dodged assassins, and wrote a letter in beautiful calligraphy.
And Elara still looked at me like I sneezed in her tea."
Chapter 28:
Elara followed the mysterious map.
Found the cargo.
Almost believed it was not Auren.
Almost.
Auren:
"I mean, seriously. Who else writes cryptic love notes in poetic sarcasm?"
Looks at camera
"It's me. It's always been me."
Chapter 29:
Cladus finally said, "Bro. Explain."
Auren said, "I don't owe you my lore."
And then Elara walked in with trust issues taller than Cladus's moral high ground.
Chapter 30:
And then… HE returned.
Lord Maelric of Astereon.
The man, the myth, the trauma incarnate.
[Auren's whole soul just left the chat.]
---
🎤 ENTER SEVRIN.
A soft, mocking clap echoes from the curtain.
SEVRIN:
"Missed me, darlings?
I disappear for one interlude and you all start burning kingdoms and breaking down.
So needy."
He saunters onto stage in a red velvet coat and a smirk that deserves its own villain theme.
SEVRIN:
"And Auren, love. You look like a poetry slam drowned in wine and regret."
"Did daddy issues make a cameo again?"
---
Auren pauses.
Looks directly at the fourth wall.
Raises a brow.
AUREN:
"I have fought assassins, danced with devils, survived Serina's brunches, and concealed emotions with the skill of a Shakespearean fox.
But you—you are my final boss."
Cue dramatic pose.
Cue unscheduled sword fight with words and wounded hearts.
---
💥 SURPRISE GUESTS JOIN THE RECAP PANEL:
The Southern Isles Shipment: "We were innocent. Justice for crates."
Cladus's Sword: "He polishes me more than he talks to women."
Serina's Fan: "The real villain here is poor ventilation."
The Map Auren Drew: "Was I romantic? Was I manipulative? The answer is yes."
---
🎭 ENDING MONOLOGUE:
Auren (dead serious):
"I'm not the fool in this game anymore.
I'm the wildcard.
And it's time you all remembered—
even jesters know how to draw blood."