Chapter 8: God of Luck
[Failure!]
The crimson letters blazed mockingly in Qifeng's vision, and he felt his eye twitch in response. He took a deep, steadying breath and reminded himself that this was perfectly normal. Expected, even.
"Okay, fifteen percent success rate," he muttered, squatting down next to the corpse like he was about to have a heart-to-heart with an old friend. "That's completely reasonable. Any sane person knows you don't win the lottery on the first try."
He paused, studying the peaceful face of the unknown ninja.
"Look, I know we just met and you don't really know me, but..." Qifeng glanced around the empty morgue, feeling slightly ridiculous but pressing on anyway. "How about this? If I ever get the chance—and I mean *if*, because let's be honest, I'm not exactly swimming in travel opportunities—I'll see about getting you sent back to the Land of Earth too. You know, assuming Konoha's foreign relations department doesn't laugh me out of the building."
He spent the next ten minutes engaged in what was possibly the world's most one-sided negotiation, offering increasingly elaborate promises to a corpse that showed zero signs of caring about his sales pitch. By the time he placed his sweaty palms together for the second attempt, he felt like a door-to-door salesman who'd lost a bet.
[Success! Obtained: Iwagakure Village Quasi-Kage Akagi Tsukasa Experience Card (Rare)!]
"YESSSSS!" Qifeng leaped to his feet, pumping his fist in the air like he'd just scored the winning goal in the World Cup. "Thank you, Buddha! Thank you, God! Thank you, Sage of Six Paths! Thank you, whoever's in charge of cosmic lottery systems!"
He did a little victory dance around the morgue, which probably looked absolutely insane to any hypothetical observers but felt completely justified given the circumstances.
A quasi-Kage experience card.
He'd traded in a jonin card and gotten back something potentially village-leader level, plus Huoshi's transformation mask and an attribute boost. This wasn't just breaking even—this was highway robbery in reverse.
"See?" he said to the corpse with genuine warmth. "I told you communication was key. You treat people with respect, they treat you with respect. Even if one of you happens to be, you know, dead."
Maybe it was coincidence. Maybe it was his imagination running wild from too much time alone with corpses. But the results spoke for themselves, and Qifeng wasn't about to mess with a winning formula.
One good deed, one reward, everyone goes home happy. Well, metaphorically speaking.
He'd already succeeded twice, so the third attempt was pure bonus territory. But as his old world had taught him, Murphy's Law was apparently a universal constant that transcended dimensional boundaries.
[Success! Obtained: Earth Attribute Chakra Amplification Card!]
Qifeng stared at the notification, then at the gorgeous red card that materialized in his inventory. The image showed a magnificent boulder surrounded by swirling energy, and just looking at it made him feel more grounded somehow.
"Are you serious right now?" he asked the corpse incredulously. "Fifteen percent success rate, twice in a row? What are the odds of that? Like, mathematically?"
He grinned anyway, because honestly, who was he to question this kind of luck?
Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a certified God of Luck.
The Earth Attribute Chakra Amplification Card was a thing of beauty, both visually and conceptually.
[Name: Earth Attribute Chakra Amplification Card]
[Description: As a ninja, how can you be limited to a single attribute?]
[Function: Increases earth chakra affinity. Attribute addition: Earth]
[Note: None (Does this need explanation? Just use it already!)]
Even the system was getting sassy with him now.
Qifeng read the description twice, letting the implications sink in. Most ninja were born with one chakra nature, maybe two if they were lucky. Having five was basically cheating—the kind of thing reserved for legendary figures and main characters with Plot Armor Syndrome.
But here he was, a humble corpse collector, about to become a dual-nature ninja through the power of supernatural grave robbing.
"You know what?" he said to the corpse, patting its shoulder gently. "You're all right. I mean that."
Fire and earth working together opened up tactical possibilities he'd never considered. Earth could create defensive positions, while fire could flush enemies out of cover. Earth could reshape terrain, while fire could deny areas entirely. The combinations were limited only by his imagination and his rapidly expanding chakra repertoire.
This wasn't just a short-term power boost—this was a fundamental expansion of his potential as a ninja.
"Thank you," he said simply, because sometimes the simplest words carried the most weight.
He still had three lottery attempts remaining, but something told him to save them. Tomorrow might bring new opportunities, and he'd learned to trust his instincts when it came to supernatural gambling.
Life settled into a rhythm that Qifeng found surprisingly satisfying.
Sleep until noon—because what was the point of being a social outcast if you couldn't enjoy flexible hours? Wake up to receive whatever bodies the ANBU or medical teams had delivered, each one a potential treasure chest wrapped in tragedy. Spend afternoons trying to fulfill the final wishes of the deceased—a surprisingly rewarding hobby that made him feel useful in ways his previous life never had. Evenings were for preparation and maintenance, treating the bodies with the respect they deserved. And midnight? Midnight was Christmas morning, every single night.
The only regular visitor was Asuma, who'd taken to dropping by under the pretense of casual conversation but really just wanted a private place to smoke without his father lecturing him about lung health and setting a good example.
"You know," Asuma said during one of their sessions, exhaling a stream of smoke into the night air, "most people would find this whole setup incredibly depressing."
"Most people don't understand the simple pleasures," Qifeng replied, taking his own drag. "The dead don't judge, they don't gossip, and they never ask you about your career goals. It's the perfect work environment."
"Don't you ever get lonely?"
Qifeng considered this. "I've got you bothering me twice a week, don't I? That's more social interaction than I had in my previous—" He caught himself. "Previous job. Different village."
Their conversations were a mix of trivial gossip and world events. Asuma would mention Kurenai Yuhi's smile or complain about his father's choice in underwear (apparently red was a recurring theme), while occasionally dropping more serious topics like border tensions and military deployments.
The war was coming. Everyone knew it. But for now, they could sit in comfortable companionship, sharing cigarettes and watching smoke rise toward stars that didn't care about human conflicts.
Two months of dedicated corpse examination had yielded impressive results:
[Character: Maruyama Qifeng]
[Age: 13]
[Attributes: Fire, Earth]
[Strength: Chunin]
[Taijustu: 25]
[Chakra: 24]
[Ninjutsu: 22]
[Genjutsu: 19]
[Control: 27]
[Hand Seals: 22]
[Techniques: Academy Three, Fire Style—Great Flame Flower, Earth Style—Rock Hiding Technique, Earth Style—Earth Shore Return, Fire Style—Flame Bullet]*
[Items: Uchiha Rare Bloodline Card (2/3), Huoshi's Obsession, Iwagakure Quasi-Kage Akagi Tsukasa Experience Card (Rare)]
From pathetic genin to solid chunin in two months. Not bad for someone whose primary qualification was a willingness to rifle through dead people's pockets.
He was still missing that final Uchiha bloodline card, but Sharingan-capable corpses weren't exactly common. Most Uchiha who died with their eyes intact were either too important to send to a random morgue or had their bodies claimed immediately by the clan.
Patience, he reminded himself. Good things came to those who waited.
And corpse-robbed. Mostly corpse-robbed.
Qifeng was enjoying a particularly peaceful afternoon, rocking gently in his chair while contemplating the philosophical implications of his unusual career path, when reality decided to crash the party.
"Maruyama Qifeng." The voice came from directly in front of him, though he hadn't seen anyone approach. "The Hokage requires your presence."
An ANBU operative stood before him, masked and radiating the kind of professional menace that suggested humor was not welcome. The ninja delivered his message with the emotional warmth of a tax audit, then vanished in a blur of movement that probably violated several laws of physics.
Qifeng stared at the spot where the ANBU had been, cigarette dangling forgotten from his lips.
*The Hokage wants to see me?*
This was either very good news or catastrophically bad news, with no middle ground in sight. What could the leader of the village possibly want with a antisocial corpse collector who'd spent the last two months perfecting the art of talking to dead people?
Then he remembered his last conversation with Asuma, and a horrible suspicion began to form.
"You really should get out more, Qifeng. War is coming—how will you survive on the battlefield if you keep living like a hermit?"
"I'll live with the corpses."
They'd both been joking, sharing cigarettes and casual banter in the smoke-hazed darkness of the morgue. But Asuma was the Hokage's son, and sons had a tendency to mention interesting people to their fathers during dinner conversation.
"That little..." Qifeng muttered, crushing his cigarette under his heel with perhaps more force than necessary. "I should have known better than to trust a politician's kid."
But refusing a summons from the Hokage wasn't really an option, especially not for someone who'd been flying under the radar for so long. He'd have to go, smile politely, and hope that whatever Sarutobi Hiruzen wanted wouldn't completely destroy his comfortable life of supernatural grave robbing.
At least, he thought as he walked toward the Hokage Tower, it can't get much weirder than my current situation.
Famous last words, as it turned out.