"I swear to all this is holy if that I elphis I'm gonna commit a programmer move and fucking jump"
I stare at the cracked glowing surface of the moon orbiting the planet I'm on with incredulity, contemplating if I should find the nearest clif and defenestrate myself (I'm aware that's not the right use of the word) out of this mortal coil when I'm smacked in the back of the head with a metal box.
"Ah son of a fu-" I'm cut off by the happy little jingle of X-man theme coming from the offending object.
"God I hope this is a bomb" I mutter as I slowly open the box only to be disappointed by a note, some clothes and something that confirms my suspicions.
"That's an echo 3" I sigh at it not even being an echo 2 that might blow up and kill me, so with a large helping of dissatisfaction I pick up the note and start reading.
'dear Gabriel
you are in borderlands 3 a day before sanctuary 3 takes off and have been giving 3 action skills based around three mutants from marvel.
Said mutants are:
Wolverine
Nightcrawler
Gambit'
"So I won't die immediately from any random phyco with a buzzaxe trying to make me into a nice new meat bicycle, that's good" still doesn't make me forgive who ever dropped me here.
I flip the note to try and find more information but all I find is a small smiley face and the signature that reads the beyonder, 'there go all my plans for revenge' because if he reached into 2 other multiverses then he's pre-nerf as well.
So with a grumble about annoying omnipotent douches that earns me a rock to the head from nowhere I grab the clothes (closer to armour really) and put the outfit on over my boxers that I when to sleep in.
When I was fully dressed I checked the box one last time finding a collapsible bo staff along with a box of cards labelled as the infinitum ornare (Latin for infinite deck), so with groan getting up that was more habit then actual strain I set about finding the closest place that would have an actual shower.
While I walked I tried for lack of a better word feeling around inside myself looking for the activation trigger for my abilities, it took a good an hour of walking until I found something and I just wished i'd picked a better position to start it in.
"ARGH god fucking damn it"I fall to my knees and grit my teeth to not scream as I stare at the gleaming silver coloured claws sticking out through my palms because I didn't think to straighten my hand first.
"Ok breath and relax" I groan to myself as I concentrate on relaxing the new muscles in my wrists to let the claws slide back in. And with a much wetter snikt than when they popped out the claws retract back trough my palms and said palms start rapidly and visibly healing.
"That sucked donkey dick" I groan as the pain fades and I can go back to walking and experimenting with my new powers, after when I'd prepared myself mentally enough (and made sure to align my wrists and hands properly to not do a repeat) I pop my new claws with an Iconic snikt and a agonizing but also quick flash of pain three gleaming adamantine claws covered in my own blood extend from between each of my fists.
"God that's so fucking cool but they also hurt so fucking badly" I half fanboy half groan as I examine the claws before I take said claws and stab the nearest object, which happens to be a skag nest making me do a double take and look around properly for the first time in a while.
Along each wall of the chasm I'm in (how the fuck did I get into a chasm) are god knows how many skag nests that I can see are currently occupied by said skags who have noticed me and that I just stabbed one of their nests.
I sigh at my own dumbassary and lower myself into a more stable stance to fight in with close range weapons, thankful that I trained in some close quarters combat (mainly just street fighting tho) so I'm not a total disappointment to the Wolverine family.
"Come on them mutts, come get some" my provocation seemed to work as the large group of feral skags of all manner of size charge at me with intent to make me into their newest chewtoy.
I punch the first skag in the face with my claws popped puncturing it's brain and killing it instantly only to have to duck away as a spitter lobs a glob of its own stomach acid at me, rolling out the way of the glob and taking a swipe at the neck of the adult that tries to take a bite of my throat, I jump back a reorient myself for more fighting.
With a grunt I kick the head of a skag trying to jump at me sending the mutt flying into th chasm wall with enough force to snap it's neck on impact before having to roll out of the way of two much larger skags dropping from their nests above me.
I spent what felt like hours killing the skags but they never seemed to end while also seeming to only get stronger by the minute, I ducked again to get out of the way of a ice shard sent by the badass ice skag while also having to step back as a chubby tried to get a luck swing in when I noticed out of the corner of my eye a pup had snuck up on me and was inches from my face, so with a push of monumental will and a desire to be back where I started this stupid journey I bamfed and wasn't there anymore.
I lay on the floor next to the metal box from the beyonder staring at the moon of Pandora in hate, "I fucking despise this stupid ass planet"