"...what were you doing at the hospital?" What abortion?" Mom's panicked voice filled my ear.
"Mom, easy. I will tell you everything okay? I'll tell you tonight when I come by for dinner." "You truly know how to get my strain high. Alright. Come early" she sighed.
"Bye, Mom. Love you."
"Love you, Luna" with that, I ended the call and let out a groan. Oh my god, what was I going to do now? What was I supposed to tell them? How would they react? How was I supposed to tell them that I am pregnant?
Moreover, the father is unknown. If the screw of my head didn't loosen at the end moment, the abortion would have been done already. When I went for the abortion, everything was going as it should be, but when I felt the newborn growing inside me, something inside me nudged. I didn't know what got inside me, but I stopped the doctor when she was going to inject the syringe. I didn't regret my decision though. For a minute or so after my sudden decision, I did, but it all subsided when I inferred how big of a crime I was going to commit. So what if the father was unknown? I am here. The baby's mother is there for him, and I would do anything to protect it.
I smiled, caressing my flat stomach, but I knew well what a risk I was going for.
_
The boisterous pounding of my heart, the bunches in my stomach getting more tight, all these wouldn't stop. I hugged my Dad as I entered my parent's house.
"You have become thinner. Aren't you eating well, Luna?" he pointed, his forehead creasing.
"I'm fine, Dad."
He smiled curtly. We sauntered inside the living room, the familiar scent of my Mom's personal favorite perfume hitting my nostrils. Dad motioned to me to take a seat on the couch— the olive green couch had lasted for more than fifteen years. My knees twitched. I was apprehensive from head to toe. Regardless of how frequently I recited the mantra to be calm, it didn't work. "So, how are classes going?" he asked.
I forced a smile. "It's going well." I was rubbing my palm over my jeans in a continuous motion, answering his questions when he frowned.
"What's wrong with your left hand?"
"Ah– nothing, Dad" I stopped my nervous action, "Feeling a little itchy. So how are things at school?"
He leaned back, and with a ruminant expression, he articulated, "I seemed to have scared a child. His parents informed me the child is running high on fever." I laughed small, despite my growing nerves. "I don't recall having scared that child anyhow."
"Don't forget you are known as Hitler!" Mom entered the room, holding a tray that contained cookies and juice. She and I shared a knowing smile as Dad remained unbothered by the nickname. My Dad had this grim expression even when he is relaxed and people mistook him for being angry.
I resisted touching my favorite chocolate chip cookies because I know I would throw up.
"Now, tell me what were you doing at the hospital yesterday," Mom inquired and I coughed on my saliva. I wasn't expecting her to ask me directly when Dad was there.
"You went to the hospital?" Dad implored, surprised. I gulped, glancing once at my Mom and then at Dad. Alright, I could do this. "I…well went for a check-up."
They frowned. "For?"
I felt my tongue heavier and the churning of my stomach stronger. Say it! My subconscious pressed.
Easy for you to say! I retorted."For… " I strumbled. A thin layer of sweat glided down the back of my neck. "Before I say it, I want to say that I am utterly sorry. Things happened… and I – I didn't mean it to happen, I swear I—"
"Luna" Mom stationed her palm on my shoulder, her face etched with concern. "Honey, what is the matter? You are making us worry."
"Yes. Tell us, Luna. "
"I'm pregnant" I blurted, the words slipping from my mouth along with the heaviness pressing me since yesterday. Silence. The room fell silent. Both my parents stared at me with blankness. This wasn't the response I had expected. Mom blinked, finally showing an inch of emotion.
"What?"
They heard me, right? "I'm pregnant, Mom. "
Her eyes widened in shock and a gasp left her lips. "You are pregnant?" she screeched.
I nodded meekly. "When– how? Whose?" she asked, going into a convulsion zone.There it was. The elephant in the room was about to be revealed. "Does Mike knows about this? Oh my God! You told me that you guys broke up, but… you are pregnant."
"Mom…Mike has nothing to do with it" I affirmed, albeit a piece of me wanted Mike to be the father but he wasn't. We didn't have sex for two months before we broke up!
Another heavy blanket of silence fell inside the room. Mother's face withered, disarray drawing out the lines all over. "Luna, what are you saying? How can he not be involved? He was your boyfriend!"
My jaws ticked. "I don't know who the father of the baby is" I revealed and another left her lips.
"Wha— You slept with someone else?" the way she said those words made it sound as if I had done the most terrible sin.
"I didn't mean to– It's complicated and also Mike cheated on me." I had earlier told my parents that Mike and I had mutually broken up. I didn't know why I lied. "Oh my God! I think I am going to faint" Mom breathed, pacing back and forth in the living room.
There was so much going on that I forgot Dad was sitting beside me. When I turned my head to look at him, my belly did a summersault. His utterance was dark and serious. I have never seen that look. He didn't say anything throughout but when I opened my mouth to ask for his understanding, he said something that made my chest tighten.
"Abort it." The words were said in sleek demand. They did not ask for refusal or correction.
"Dad, I can't" I begged.
His scowl exacerbated. "Why? Why do you want to keep a random person's child?" he bellowed.
I have no answer. "How much more do you want to humiliate us?"
I gaped in horror. "Dad, I never will humiliate you."
"You did, Luna. I thought I raised you well" he pinned me with an aggrieved look. "You proved me wrong."
"No, Dad" my voice cracked. "This never meant to happen. Not intentionally."
He suck in the air and rose from the couch. His spine was straight, his shoulders tensed. "Abort the child if you have a little bit of shame left in you" he thundered. "Dad, please" I begged, "I want to keep the baby." Hot tears lined my cheeks, making my vision blur.
"Luna! This is absurd! The child has no future!" Mom snapped, yanking my arm to make me look at her. Why couldn't they understand me? "You will do the abortion."
"No!" I protested fiercely. "I won't give up on the baby! Mom, Dad, please. I-I can take care of the child… we will take care of the baby."
"Do you not hear me?" Dad's seething indignation made me flinch. "Our names will be tainted by this child growing inside you! This child shall not be born, that's it!"
"So you only care about your prestige. You don't care about me, huh Dad?" I didn't mean to bitterly let those words out but I couldn't help it. I was hurting from the inside and the thought that I have no support made me lose all the hope I have garnered.
"Luna!" Mom hissed, widening her eyes, signaling me to keep my mouth shut. "Why? Why won't you understand me? I didn't mean this to happen, but what I am supposed to do now? I did go for an abortion but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry, but I gave myself and this baby a chance. I won't back down."
"You will go against my words now? Just for this nameless and degraded thing growing inside you?" Dad snarled with absolute revulsion. Never would I have imagined Dad to say such cruel words. I clenched my teeth together, a mix of emotions swirling inside me.
I nodded, managing to keep myself steady even though the pieces inside were breaking apart. "Fine," he said after a beat of pause, his tone icy cold. "If you don't abort the child, you will no longer be our daughter!" he announced, snatching the oxygen out of me.
"Harris! What are you saying?" Mom cried, torn between her daughter and her husband. She begged me, her eyes filled with tears. "Luna, why are you making this hard? Your rash decision will affect everyone. Honey, try to understand."
"I expect the same from you, Mom. I know you are afraid of what society will say but it will only be for a few days. Eventually, everyone will accept—"
"Ungrateful girl! Why can't you listen to us?" Dad yelled, the nerve on his forehead visible. "Ashley, leave her. If she does not want to do as we say, which is for the best, then leave her."
Mom whimpered, soliciting me but I have made the decision. I wiped my tears with the back of my palm and met Dad's eyes.
"I'll go," I told them. Dad's jaw ticked, his expression hard. He was disappointed. He was very disappointed in me and I understand.
"Please Luna, don't do this…" "I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry Mom. I failed to be a good daughter. I—" my voice cracked, the tears making their way again. "I'm really sorry for the pain I've caused."
"I don't need your apology. Get out of my house!" I looked at Mom for the one last time before I ran out through the front door, covering my mouth with my palm as I go. The cool wind sliced my cheeks, my hair swaying in the air as I ran. I didn't stop. I ran aimlessly, a few of the neighbors giving me strange looks. Tears obscured my vision, my chest choked to an ever increasing extent, making me unable to breathe. The pain intensified, even more, when I stopped. The sky was dark. I have no idea what time it was, or where I was.