I stared at my monitor, the digital clock was soon about to strike 3 in the night.
It was my last night at home, after years of leeching off my parents they've had enough
My mother's favorite line "Get a job" and my father's latest rant still resonated through my mind "goddamit Fritz you're 24 and all you do is sit behind that damn computer and read your little stories"
They couldn't understand, this life just isn't meant for someone like me
I live my life through the glasses of fantasy, this world of ours is so gray and static
But I find color In words, digital footprints of worlds bigger than mine if I could only reach out and leave this damned rock behind
But that wasn't going to happen
But I couldn't let this world consume me for any longer
I eyed the almost ethereal and cold blue pills in my hand
And the bottle of vodka my father got gifted and never opened
This was my final meal, bitter and tough on the throat
I opened my mouth and tossed the pills in like a child with candy
I swallowed the near lethal dose and took a deep breath and closed my eyes
I exhale and open my eyes my hand already reaching for the potion of death
I open the bottle and let the fiery Liquid spill all over my chest and shirt, nobody is going to wear it again anyway
I gag but suppress the instinct to puke, that would defeat the whole purpose of all that time I spent writing notes
The affect isn't immediate but this dose could kill an elephant
I look at my monitor again
*3:05*
By Vision begins to blur
*3:06*
My heart slows and my breathing gets quiet
*3:08*
Darkness
*2 days later*
"The body of fritz Langston was found yesterday by his mother at approximately 6:30 in the morning authorities are ruling this a suicide with no faul play suspected"
And that was the last time my name would be spoken
My parents didn't want to talk about me when I was still alive less even now that I'm fresh in the ground
I heard the TV news report clear as day in this darkness I found myself in after my chemical cocktail
Out of all afterlifes this was definitely the one I feared most
Dark void surrounded me, filled me even
And now that the TV report ended I felt a finality deep in my soul, I know that I will be forgotten, a simple bad memory in the eyes of many and a deep scar In the heart of two
Just as grief and possible even regret approached my heart I heard something in the void
"Hail young soul" a mass of incomprehensible flesh met my gaze
It was impossible to know what was skin,bone,meat or limb
It floated with no wings but it took steps
A constant hum almost like the chanting of a language long forgotten emanated from it like the feedback on an old speaker
It hurt my eyes to look at it, no it hurt something much deeper it hurt my mind
This wasnt alien or paranormal
This was divine or demonic it felt the same at the time
"Name Fritz Langston"
"age 24"
"accomplishment none"
It paused at the next sentence it seemed like an eternity but I was a few moments"
"Reincarnation cycle 1"
What ever It used for sight made eye contact with me I couldn't see it but I could feel it
It was starting past my eyes and into my Soul
Recounting and reviewing all my years spent wasted
It would be humiliating if it wasn't fear that already filled my heart
Suddenly the void returned to an eerie quiet again
The being of flesh spoke again
"Franz Langston by order of the Senate of the cycle you are granted the privilege of choosing your next cycle, let it be noted this is not due to your actions during this cycle but because it is the right of a young soul to choose their first reincarnation"
The being spoke to me but it might as well have been speaking to a wall
I was frozen with fear and regret and anger and sadness
The being seemed irritated if that was even possible
*An Ethernet mist washed over Fritz*
"Fritz Langston due to your lack of communication I have temporary removed your ability to feel negative emotions"
The cold mist washed over me and my heart slowed down to a peep like back in my computer chair those days ago
My mind cleared like child's notebook met with an eraser
"What do you mean by cycle"
I ask the being
"A cycle is a lifetime a soul like you is spent on a material world, the emotions you inflict on others in that world is harvested by the Senate and used to create more worlds"
I had no clue what the fuck this abomination was talking about
"What do you mean harvest, who is is the Senate and what is going to happen to me"
I answer not with anger but with urgency
"Do your first and last questions I can provide an answer but the second question must be left unanswered for now"
The divine being hummed
"Harvesting means that you as a soul occupy a material plane such as earth and commit acts to make those material being express and feel emotion, such as fear,anger,lust,sadness"
The being seemed to again make eye contact with my
I froze again but not with fear,the being had a grip on my soul itself
"This cycle has not been satisfactory you have infact lost the Senate this emotional Essence the usual punisment for this is eternal erasure but as you are a newborn soul you are forgiven"
The being let's go, the warning is clear but fair
*Contribute to the cycle or leave it permanently*