(Amelia)
'LOVE'
I have never truly known what true love feels like. Growing up, I envisioned a love where my partner would surprise me with a bunch of roses on random days and constantly shower me with words of affirmation.
A love cooking us dinner every night…
A love that creates a safe space for me and our unborn children…
.
Then I was introduced to the kind of love I was forced to say I do to at a bespoke venue in Lake Como, where hundreds of pink orchids lined the outdoor area of our wedding venue seven years ago, in front of family members and well-wishers who chose not to look too closely.
While the world applauded the union of the children of two top business tycoons, they were all blind to the broken girl trapped inside the bride.
I was deprived of the liberty to create my type of love….
This was not the love I envisioned. I had been betrayed long before the wedding night by the man who was to guard me: my father. I was raised early in life to respect my parents' decisions and adhere strictly to them.
I'm locked in a marriage built on the foundation of a legacy laid by both of our parents. Now I'm learning to embrace the twists and turns and to find gratitude amid the whole chaos.
I was 24, young and free, running my father's company in Canary Wharf, and he, on the other hand, oversaw the Shoreditch branch.
Then, can you guess what happened?
On one of our business trips, with both of our parents, the co-founders of Chedwards Groups...
We got the shock of our lives!!
There was a clause! A clause was inserted in the company's founding charter stipulating that I, George, must get married, or we risk losing the empire our parents have built over the years.
My whole world has never really been mine.
After all, all my life, everything I have done has been controlled by my father: the way I speak, the friends I interact with, the course I studied in college, and now the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with!
I've been taught to comply, so I did.
And now, they are gone; the plane went down like a curtain call written by destiny itself; ill-fated, inevitable…
Now, I'm 32, stuck in a union forced into existence by fear and the suffocating grip of reputation. We look perfect in pictures; he opens the doors at events, and I smile at the cameras. We support each other in polished boardrooms. We dance at galas, sit side by side at charity dinners, and finish each other's sentences like two well-rehearsed actors.
But at home, we live as two people who have never chosen each other!
This isn't my life; this is the life they chose for me.
"You think this is what I wanted?" I snapped back at George after a long blaming spree, as he always did.
"Oh, you want to start talking to me anyhow? He said hesitantly…
I heaved a deep sigh and apologized instantly, as I always did. Then he turned back to continue with the video he was watching on his phone.
I had no choice but to tap him again and say, "Please... just touch me this night. I can't keep pretending. It's been over 6 months since we last had an intimate night. Please just touch me. My vagina is rusting from neglect."
"Rusty?" He asked… "You know I can only open your panties on my terms!" You think just because you're horny, I'm supposed to drop everything and satisfy your sexual urges?
I turned my back to him slowly, careful not to let the bedspread shift too much, which he hated. The tears came before I could stop them as they soaked into my custom-made Etsy pillow, already accustomed to my constant tears.
Over the years, I've learned to scream without making a sound. I pressed my thighs together and tried to put myself to sleep with a heart that won't stop aching.