Mushroom House
The atmosphere buzzed with energy as a group of polished pretty boys—the typical traffic idols—gathered together.
When it came time to order dishes, Li Changfeng, the biggest name among all the guests, spoke first: "Teacher Huang, I'd like some sweet and sour pork!"
"I'll have braised pork intestines," said Wu Qian, the second-biggest traffic idol. "I've been in Korea too long—haven't had hometown food in ages."
The other guests were mostly no-name trainees who naturally didn't dare make demands in front of their seniors, mumbling things like "I'm fine with anything" and "whatever's good."
Lu Ming reeked of alcohol. He'd been slumped in his chair with droopy eyelids, but the chatter around him jolted him awake. Someone next to him nudged him to join the conversation, so Lu Ming went along with the flow:
"Could I get some green beans with eggplant?"
Everyone immediately turned to stare. Mentioning "beans" in front of Teacher Huang? Did he have a death wish?
Sure, you were a rising top star in the entertainment industry not long ago, but times change. Now you're practically washed up—finished—and you still think you're hot shit?
Teacher Huang, sitting at the head of the table, looked displeased. Even with cameras rolling for the live broadcast, he didn't bother hiding his senior attitude as he laid down the law:
"Let me be honest with you all. A whole bunch of you showed up, and I'm not feeling it. I don't know you people, and I don't need to make small talk with strangers. So when you came in to greet me, I wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy. Especially since you ordered this massive spread of dishes—you're gonna work this old man to death..."
Teacher Huang's words made everyone's faces change.
Even the online comments exploded instantly.
[Teacher Huang's really picking on people here.]
[This is way too disrespectful to the guests.]
[A bunch of pretty-boy idols with nothing but looks going for them. Teacher Huang's status means giving them screen time is already generous—what more do they want?]
[Feels like it was Lu Ming mentioning beans that pissed off Teacher Huang.]
[Does he not understand what emotional intelligence means?]
[One live broadcast incident gave Teacher Huang lifelong trauma. If it were a peer of the same status joking around, that'd be one thing, but this washed-up idol still wants screen time?]
[Green beans with eggplant is just a home-cooked dish. He didn't directly mention toxic beans—why be so sensitive?]
[You don't get it. Ever since the #Toxic Bean Incident#, toxic beans became Teacher Huang's trigger!]
[My baby got screwed over by this damn simp!]
[Lu Ming caused trouble and all the guests suffer—what a troublemaker!]
[If he had any emotional intelligence, he wouldn't have said those things to Sister Zheng. Just saw the chat logs—my scalp is tingling...]
[#ZhengMing Breakup# has new developments?]
[Sister Zheng's studio just dropped a whole gigabyte of chat screenshots. If you haven't seen this drama yet, hurry up and look. You'll understand why the whole internet wants this simp to disappear!]
[...]
Wu Qian pointed at Lu Ming: "You're young with working hands and feet. If you want to eat something, can't you make it yourself?"
"Exactly! Teacher Huang's already busy enough cooking for everyone. Can't you read the room? Think about Teacher Huang a little!" Li Changfeng ruthlessly accused him. "Ordering so many dishes—can Teacher Huang handle all that by himself? Don't you know how to be considerate?"
A bunch of rookie idols joined in condemning him:
"Apologize to Teacher Huang!"
"Who doesn't know you mentioned beans just to get screen time?"
"Teacher Huang's always been generous—how could you make him this angry?"
"How can you face Teacher Huang after all he's done for you?"
"Teacher Huang, I grew up watching your TV shows. Just rest—we'll call you when the food's ready."
Even though Lu Ming had been a top star they could only look up to recently, with all the scandals about him flooding the internet now, who cared about star status anymore? With so many eyes watching outside, this was the perfect chance to grab some hot traffic!
Lu Ming: "I'm laughing!"
Li Changfeng: ?
Wu Qian: ?
"What are you laughing at?" they asked in unison.
"I'm laughing at how you're all being such good little bootlickers—bowing and scraping, ass-kissing masters, professional brown-nosers!" Meeting their confused stares, Lu Ming sighed. "You guys are really showing off your sucking-up skills!"
"May I boldly ask—do you all treat your parents at home with even more devotion than this?"
Everyone's expressions froze!
So that's the kind of "devotion" he meant!
[???]
[Lu Ming's lost his mind!]
[He dares to go after Feng Feng? Even if Lu Ming hadn't crashed and burned, some soft-boy who got famous through his ex-girlfriend has no right to compare himself to a talent like Feng Feng!]
[One sentence and he pissed off every star there—ridiculous!]
[This guy knows his entertainment career won't last much longer, so he's going completely crazy, planning to get revenge on society before he quits the industry.]
[Well, if you put it that way, I'm wide awake now!]
[Honestly, from a neutral perspective, this really isn't Lu Ming's fault. Obviously the other two top stars are using him as a stepping stone for traffic. This is supposed to be a cooking show for guests—what's wrong with ordering food according to the program? If Teacher Huang won't show respect, why not call out Teacher Huang instead of taking it out on Lu Ming?]
[Can Lu Ming's fans please just die already!]
[What the hell is "professional brown-nosers"? These little zingers roll off his tongue like nursery rhymes—since when was Lu Ming this savage?]
[Maybe he's got hidden talent in this area?]
[If you'd been this tough earlier, would you have simped for Chu Yuxun until you had nothing left?]
[@NotChuYuxun, come see your ex-boyfriend!]
[...]
The idol fans were furious, but the drama-watchers were thrilled—they never expected this episode of Mushroom House to be this entertaining.
Li Changfeng glared: "What! Did! You! Say!"
Damn it, Mushroom House was broadcasting live to the entire internet. How dare this washed-up star challenge him publicly!
Wu Qian's pretty face twisted with anger. Maybe from spending too much time in Korea, his Chinese was getting rusty: "How can you be so lacking in... tree resin!"
"Am I wrong though? Did I order this whole table of food by myself? Especially when the great Chef Huang is doing the cooking—how many stomachs do I have to be that reckless?"
Teacher Huang, who'd been watching the drama unfold, frowned.
What was this washed-up star insinuating?!
Caught in their lie, everyone looked embarrassed.
Lu Ming pointed at Wu Qian and fired off: "Looking at you, I'd say you're even more of an expert in the cooking field than Teacher Huang!"
Wu Qian: "?!"
"How could I compare to Teacher Huang? I can't cook at all."
"Listen to yourself talk! I think you're pretty good at passing the buck though. I didn't even realize what was happening earlier—you instinctively shifted the blame in like one second!"
"The way I see it, looking at the whole world, from thirty-year veteran chefs to naturally gifted Michelin chefs, decades of experience can't match your expertise!"
Wu Qian: "!!!"
Great!
Son of a bitch, he'd spent serious money in Korea learning singing and dancing skills, but never faced this kind of problem!
Faced with Lu Ming's sarcastic little jabs, the usually proud Wu Qian didn't know how to fight back. He couldn't come up with a single comeback and just stood there trembling with rage!
"Lu Ming, this is a live broadcast! Even if we're not friends, we're all colleagues working under the same roof. Speaking like this is way too disrespectful!" Li Changfeng said coldly. "As a public figure, I need to remind you to watch your attitude!"
Lu Ming looked disgusted: "A dog barked. I know he's probably hungry, but dude, when you bark like that, I honestly don't know what to do..."
Li Changfeng: "?!"
His fists clenched!
Li Changfeng's fists were ready!
The scene fell into dead silence.
Li Changfeng and Wu Qian—one was a strong contender for this year's "Big Four Young Stars," the other was one of the "Returning Four" who'd just finished training with the top Korean boy group XO. Though he'd just returned to Chinese entertainment, Wu Qian's name was already legendary in fan circles, and his rise to top star status was practically guaranteed.
Everyone stared at Lu Ming in disbelief. How dare this washed-up nobody talk to two big stars like that!
Even the production team monitoring the data backstage was stunned.
They naturally wanted more dramatic moments for the show.
But...
Wasn't this getting a bit too out of hand?
Seeing two popular traffic idols get roasted by Lu Ming to the point they couldn't save face, with both fandoms going crazy in the live chat, the director frantically called through the earpiece for Teacher He, who was watching the drama from afar, to intervene.
...
"Alright, alright, guests are guests. Teacher Huang was just talking—of course he'll cook for everyone." Teacher He rushed over, desperately giving meaningful looks to the stone-faced Teacher Huang.
Teacher Huang reluctantly said: "Braised pork intestines is a complex dish with complicated preparation. It's getting late, and I definitely can't finish everything alone. Xiao Ming, come help me in the kitchen."
Fine, helping out was better than staying with this bunch who wanted to feed off his negative publicity.
He grabbed a bottle of sponsored liquor from the table and headed into the kitchen with Teacher Huang.
But Lu Ming didn't expect Teacher Huang to have no intention of actually cooking. After preparing the ingredients, he made to leave.
Lu Ming was confused: "Teacher Huang, didn't you say I'd help you? Where are you going?"
"I hurt my back these past few days and can't stand for long periods. Plus, I'm an old man—I don't understand young people's tastes." Teacher Huang said matter-of-factly: "You're at a crucial point in your career. Young people need to seize opportunities and get more practice!"
"Young people these days are all too impatient..."
Teacher Huang immediately put on a patronizing expression and started lecturing him.
Lu Ming could clearly hear this old bastard trying to dump the work on him.
He casually dragged over a chair from the corner: "Teacher Huang, you can sit while cooking!"
Teacher Huang's face darkened.
Can't take a hint, can you?!
Was this about standing versus sitting?
"I'll get splattered with oil if I sit!"
"No problem, Teacher Huang, I'll shield you!"
"I cough when I smell cooking fumes. At my age, if I inhale toxic gases and develop some serious illness, can you take responsibility for that?" Teacher Huang was clearly getting impatient.
Lu Ming thought for 3 seconds, then suddenly said: "I really didn't expect this."
"Didn't expect what?"
"Didn't expect you to be such a prima donna, Teacher Huang. At your age, acting just like Wang Hao."
"Who's Wang Hao?" Teacher Huang asked, puzzled.
"Oh, that was my middle school classmate. His parents divorced when he was young, made him selfish and mean. He'd beat up classmates and bully the weak—basically pure evil. But for all his tough-guy act when picking on people, one time he cut his finger a tiny bit and screamed like he was dying!"
"When the whole class went with him to the nurse's office, the doctor said we made it just in time—any later and the wound would've healed..."
"I heard in our class group chat the other day that he died young!"
Teacher Huang: "..."
Who the hell wants to hear your gossip?!
Wait, is this little shit taking shots at me?
"You're saying bad people die young?"
"No, I mean cheap people are dramatic!"
"Cheap people are just dramatic!"
Teacher Huang: "?!"
He wondered if his ears were playing tricks on him.
After staring at Lu Ming in silence for a moment, Teacher Huang suddenly laughed heartily.
This kid had definitely lost it—all the recent scandals and online harassment had pushed him over the edge!
"Young man, enjoy your last days in the entertainment industry!" Teacher Huang said coldly, then went to lie down on the big bed in the next room.
Seeing this old geezer determined to dump this mess on him, Lu Ming naturally wasn't about to cook for those people outside who wanted to step on him for clout.
He opened the bottle of liquor he'd brought from outside and took a swig.
The harsh, burning liquid slid down his throat into his stomach, sending scorching heat through his chest. Lu Ming felt like he'd swallowed a red-hot iron bar...
[Ding! Detected host drinking 'Old Village Chief Wine,' Charisma +1!]
Lu Ming said nothing and took another heavy gulp.
[Ding! Detected host drinking 'Old Village Chief Wine,' Constitution +1!]
[Ding! Detected host drinking alcohol, Vocal Foundation +10!]
[Vocal Foundation advancement: Lv3!]
[Detected host entering mild intoxication, triggering ability lottery—]
[Ability acquired: Make the World Feel Pain!]
Lu Ming was shocked.
This weird system that improved skills through drinking was the cheat ability he'd gained after transmigrating. Though bizarre, with the system's help, his progress had been incredible.
From what he understood, the system rated basic abilities from LV1 to LV5. Meeting proficiency requirements advanced to the next level. LV3 vocal foundation was already at the level of most music show mentors—not quite matching veteran singers who'd stood the test of time, but definitely top-tier among the new generation.
What really surprised Lu Ming was the lottery triggered by entering mild intoxication.
This was his first time triggering it since transmigrating!
Lu Ming stopped what he was doing to check:
[Make the World Feel Pain]: Greatly enhances others' emotional resonance with you.
Oh damn!
This ability had some serious range...
Excited, Lu Ming took a couple more swigs. As the alcohol kicked in, his blinking slowed and his reactions became sluggish...
Originally he hadn't planned to cook for the people outside, but as the alcohol took effect, he temporarily forgot his troubles. Not thinking about all the scheming and plotting, seeing the various ingredients laid out on the counter, maybe because he was hungry, Lu Ming fired up the stove and started enjoying this space that was his alone.
Hearing the range hood running next door, Teacher Huang, who'd been a bit worried, was very satisfied with another successful compliance test. He rolled over and actually fell asleep this time.
The kitchen had no fixed cameras, so a roving PD came to the window to film.
Nobody expected this controversial, scandal-ridden star to actually be seriously washing ingredients.
[Lu Ming can actually cook?]
[According to leaked chat logs, he often ran to film sets to bring Sister Zheng food, and she never said his cooking was bad, so he probably has some real skills.]
[Simps always end up with nothing!]
[What good is cooking? This kind of people-pleasing personality is the scariest. They seem honest on the surface but are actually super controlling. They're all humble before they get what they want, but once they do, the slightest defiance gets you yelled at or worse. Thank god Sister Zheng broke up with him early!]
[Why's he opening the liquor? Is he drinking during the live broadcast?]
[Probably not. Many dishes require liquor for seasoning. When cooked down, it creates a very refreshing flavor that could cut the greasiness of braised intestines.]
[Is he actually a culinary genius?]
[@OldVillageChief, pay up!]
[...]
The PD glanced at the comments and relaxed, then left the kitchen to focus on the traffic stars playing basketball in the courtyard.
In the kitchen:
After washing the intestines at the sink, Lu Ming casually tossed them into the pressure cooker, letting the "stuff" mixed in with the intestine walls cook together with the broth until tender...
Then he started on the sweet and sour pork.
Tipsy Lu Ming picked up the bottle, alternating between swigs of liquor and scoops of seasoning as he worked.
His eyes were glazed, the fermenting alcohol making him feel floaty. Seeing two small containers of white granules in front of him, Lu Ming scooped out a full half-pound from the salt container and dumped it in the pan.
Good thing the PD had left and no one was filming the kitchen.
If anyone saw what was in that pan, their jaws would drop!
The more he drank, the better he felt. While the sweet and sour pork was cooking, he fired up another burner and started making braised pork belly, worried he hadn't used enough salt to get the right flavor. So he grabbed a whole container of seasoning and prepared to dump it in.
The sweet and sour pork was crackling and spitting salt crystals everywhere!
Lu Ming rushed to grab the spatula and stir, but in his panic, he accidentally tipped over the seasoning container—which held at least three pounds—right into the pan!
Lu Ming jumped back in shock, frantically pulling the container out of the pan.
Looking at the empty container and the pan half-full of white granules, he fell into deep thought.
Maybe it was because he'd been drinking, but the salt in the pan looked way bigger than he remembered.
Mushroom House probably used higher-quality salt!
While he was thinking, steam started shooting more intensely from the pressure cooker lid.
Lu Ming didn't have time to worry about it. He grabbed the spatula and started stir-frying to mix everything in!
Like they say, elders have eaten more salt than young people have eaten rice. Even though he was washed up, those young guys outside still had bright futures ahead—eating more salt was definitely good for them!
Lu Ming worked in the kitchen for a solid two and a half hours.
When he finally brought the feast to the dining table, the starving Li Changfeng and Wu Qian eagerly grabbed their chopsticks, ready to dig in!
Even Teacher Huang, who'd been napping, came over drawn by the aroma.