The classroom was bright.
Gojo-sensei was leaning against the desk, one foot propped on the edge, his tone casual as always.
"...so, if a Grade 2 curse sneaks up behind you, that's not the moment to try out your cool new move. It's the moment to run. Or to call Yuta."
Scattered laughter.
Mine too.
I had been laughing with Yuta all morning. We traded jokes, passed notes with silly doodles, and for a moment—just one—I felt light.
Maybe it was all just an act. But I was good at it.
I hadn't sat next to him anymore.
Toge was three rows back. Silent, as always.
I didn't look at him. I didn't speak to him. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.
But then... something, at the edge of my vision. A flicker. A sharp pang in my stomach.
I turned slightly, just for a second. I saw him.
Paler than usual. Eyes sunken, ringed. His lips tight, his body slouched at his desk like just being there was too heavy for him.
He wasn't himself anymore. And yet… he was still him.
My Toge. Or what was left of him.
Once, he would have searched for me with his eyes. Now he kept them down. As if the world itself weighed him down.
I don't care, I told myself.
I turned back to Yuta and laughed even louder. As if I could drown that discomfort inside. As if his torment had truly become indifferent to me.
Gojo went on, gesturing like an actor on stage.
Then, just as he turned to the board—it happened.
A dull noise.
A brief thud.
A pencil rolled across the floor.
I turned instinctively.
Toge was no longer at his desk.
He had collapsed forward, face against his arm. Unmoving.
Blood—a small dark blot—had begun to seep from his sleeve, dripping to the floor.
Time froze.
"Toge?!"
It was Panda who shouted first, already on his feet.
Gojo turned, eyes wide, his voice serious for the first time:
"Everyone stay still."
I didn't move.
I didn't understand.
I just stared, and something inside me cracked.
It hadn't been a fainting spell.
It wasn't exhaustion.
It was something that had been festering inside him for too long.
And now… he couldn't hold it in anymore.
I stood up.
Instinctively.
One step toward him, then I stopped.
I had said I didn't care.
I had lied.
So, so much.
---Infirmary…---
The light in there was different.
Colder. Almost unreal.
The white walls reflected every sound, every breath—like even pain had an echo.
Toge lay on the bed, his head tilted slightly to the side. One arm was carefully bandaged, his sleeve cut to the elbow, his skin pale as porcelain.
He was breathing softly. But he was there.
I had entered with the others.
It's not serious, they said.
A faint from overexertion. An untreated wound. A slight fever.
All gentle lies.
We all knew it wasn't just his body giving out.
I stopped just inside the room. I didn't have the strength to go any farther. Maki came over silently, then wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
She let me lean on her, and in that simple, quiet gesture, I found a shelter I hadn't known I was looking for.
"We all know, you know…" Maki said softly after a few minutes."That you're both hurting. Even if you don't say a word."
I didn't answer.
I just looked at Toge.
Still, unmoving.
The circles under his eyes looked deeper under that merciless light.
The fingers of his uninjured hand were curled into a weak, almost childlike fist.
He looked like he was sleeping.
But it wasn't sleep. It was something deeper.
A surrender. A giving up.
"Did you see the way he looked at you?" Maki whispered again."Even while you were laughing with Yuta. It was like he wanted to laugh with you. But he couldn't."
Her words hurt.
Because I knew.
I had felt it too.
That thread stretched between him and me, one no distance could truly sever.
Only… I didn't want to feel anymore.
I didn't want to be the one who broke first.
And yet… there he was.
Toge opened his eyes. Not all at once. Slowly, as if his eyelids were made of stone.
He turned, just slightly.He saw me.
And for a moment—just one—we looked at each other.
It was a long look. Not a flash.
One of those that lasts just seconds, but you feel it for hours.
His eyes were tired, hollow, and held something that wasn't a plea, or a request.
It was just… pain. Raw, real, human pain.
I wanted to say his name. Just that .A whisper, a syllable to bridge the gap.
But something inside me shut tight.
As if speaking… would make everything collapse. As if I didn't even know how to be vulnerable around him anymore.
I turned away.
"Rebecca…" Maki tried to stop me.
I shook my head. I didn't cry. Not yet.
But inside, there was a knot—tight, heavy—that choked my breath.
I left the room without looking back.
Each step was a blow to the heart.
But the truth was: if I stopped,if I met those eyes again,I wouldn't be able to walk away.
And I wasn't ready. Not yet.
Not while the pain was still louder than the love.
A little later…
The dim hallway light slipped in under the door.
I was lying on the bed, still in my clothes, knees pulled to my chest.
Outside, it was raining softly—a thin, almost invisible rain, but just enough to fill the air with that damp scent that smells like nostalgia.
The door next to mine closed quietly.
I heard him return.
Light footsteps, like he didn't want to disturb even the air.
Toge was back in his room.
I instinctively listened, hoping for sounds, signals, anything to tell me how he was.
But I heard nothing.
Just silence.
I wanted to get up, knock, ask if he needed anything.
A gesture. Something small.
But I didn't.
Because sometimes, pride is just fear dressed up as strength.
A soft knock at my door made me jump.
"Rebecca? Can I come in?"
It was Panda.
"Yeah, of course."
He opened the door with his usual clumsy affection and sat beside the bed without asking.
"I know you haven't slept," he said, looking at me with those big, honest eyes."And I know you haven't stopped thinking about him."
I lowered my gaze.
"You don't have to worry, I can handle it…"
"No, maybe I shouldn't worry, you're right. But you're my mission partner. If you're not okay, I'm not okay. And I'm not saying that as a teammate. I'm saying it as a friend."
I bit the inside of my cheek.
I wanted to tell him to leave me alone.
But Panda isn't someone you can ignore.
"He's stubborn, you know?" he went on, gentler now."He punishes himself for everything. Even for things that aren't his fault. Since you two… drifted apart, he's become a ghost. Sleeps little, overtrains, injures himself even when there are no enemies. But you know that. You saw it today."
I nodded, barely.
I clutched the sleeves of my sweater between my fingers like I could hide inside it.
"Tonight, Maki and Yuta went to check on him. We didn't want to leave him alone."
He paused.
Then looked me in the eyes:
"But you shouldn't be alone either, Rebecca."
I swallowed hard. The lump in my throat had been there for hours.
"I can't… I don't know how to talk to him anymore. I don't know how to start again."
Panda stood up. Took a few steps. Then turned, serious.
"You don't have to know everything. No one does. But one thing is certain: no one heals by holding it all in. He's built a wall. But you're building your own. And if you both keep going like this… you'll lose each other for real."
I couldn't breathe.
Every word hurt—but also soothed.
He wasn't judging. He was seeing me.
"Rebecca…" he added softly. "Do you want to sleep in my room tonight? Maki and Yuta are there too. Maybe we don't even talk. We just stay together. Like we used to."
"I don't know…"
"Yes, you do. You do know it's good for you.And I'm not leaving here until you at least grab a blanket."
I smiled. A small, tired smile. But a real one.
I got up without speaking.
Grabbed my pillow and a blanket.
He waited at the door, holding it open.
He didn't say anything else.
He didn't need to.
That night, I didn't talk to Toge.
But I knew he was there, just a few meters away, with his wounds beneath his skin.
And I...
I had stopped pretending I didn't care.