You know when you're walking and thinking too hard that your feet keep moving but your brain just kinda... stops? Yeah. That was me.
We were still strolling around the Grand Bazaar, and for a good few minutes, I'd been stuck in a trance. Not because of something deep and philosophical. Oh no.
It was because I felt like I was forgetting something.
Something important.
Like, "NPC-gives-you-warning-before-big-boss-fight" kind of important.
So naturally, I smacked myself lightly on the head. A gentle thud. You know, to reboot the last remaining brain cell I had.
Paimon floated in front of me, blinking. "Shigeru? What in the world are you doing again?"
I held up a finger dramatically. "Shhh. Floating food. I'm checking my in-game memories."
She squinted. "...Do you have brain rot?"
I tilted my head thoughtfully. "Unconfirmed. I mean, statistically possible, considering I haven't done a proper update since Inazuma."
Lumine walked ahead but tilted her head back lazily. "He's been like that from the start. I thought we agreed not to question it anymore? Since, you know... we might catch the dumb disease."
Paimon crossed her arms and sighed like a tired babysitter. "Very well. But if Paimon start speaking in riddles and simping over dancers too, Paimon's blaming him forever."
"You say it like it's a curse. Dancing over logic is a lifestyle, Paimon."
"It's a problem, Shigeru."
Anyway, I rattled my brain. Okay, come on. What did I forget? Think, Shigeru. THINK. You only have one neuron left, and it's 80% occupied with Nilou's graceful dancing and 20% flashing to Lumine in that one time she actually smiled.
Which, by the way, haunts me.
Then it hit me.
"Right, right... Katheryne should be here soon..."
And as if the universe had read the script before me, boom.
Katheryne. Walks. Out. From the crowd.
Like some kind of gacha 5-star reveal.
Paimon blinked. Then looked at me. Then back at her. "Well what do you know? Your prediction skills still work."
I puffed my chest a little. "Of course. I am a prophet. A prophet powered by plot relevance and dumb luck."
Lumine muttered under her breath. "More like powered by delusion and stupidity."
Katheryne tilted her head, mechanical smile ever so slightly more casual. "Oh, hey. It's you three. What's shakin'?"
I beamed. "What's shakin'? Aside from Nilou's hips in my head and the last remaining brain cell rattling in my skull? We doin' good."
Lumine mumbled under her breath. "Here we go again with his Nilou nonsense... What's so good about her anyway?"
I turned dramatically, flinging an arm over her shoulder. "Don't be jealous, my dear blondie. You're still the best companion ever."
Her whole face exploded in red.
Like.
Tomato-level red.
"Idiot!" she smacked my arm, but weakly. "Stop saying weird things!"
"It's not weird if it's true." I winked.
Paimon sighed, arms behind her head. "You know what? You better choose between Nilou and Lumine soon. Or else you'll die before marrying either of them."
Lumine shot her a death glare that could peel paint off a wall.
Paimon shrugged innocently. "What? Paimon's just stating facts. You two are literally the worst slow-burn romance Paimon has ever seen. Literally worst than Diluc and Jean, and they're already married."
I cleared my throat with the grace of a man dodging a landmine. "Riiiight. Anyway! Katheryne! So, what's poppin'? It's not every day we see you not glued to a desk."
Paimon floated closer. "Yeah! You're usually behind the counter every time we see you."
Katheryne gave a small chuckle. "You three haven't changed much. As for me, I don't have to be at the counter all the time. Doing the same thing over and over again can get a little... tiring."
I raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Didn't think androids could get burnout. That's... kinda relatable."
Paimon nodded sympathetically. "Tell me about it. Every other day someone's like 'Help me fight this monster!' or 'I lost my socks in a ruin!' It gets old."
Is this floating emergency food talking about me? She is, isn't she?!
Lumine, still lowkey pouting and red like a chili pepper, crossed her arms. "So what brings you here then? Are you a fan of the Sabzeruz Festival too?"
Katheryne shook her head with a graceful smile. "No, not particularly. But I do love the current atmosphere. If festivals bring happiness to people, then that's where their true value lies."
And right there. Something clicked.
I blinked.
Wait a minute...
That line... sounds too soft. Too... precious.
I looked at her. Real close.
Like, lean-in-suspiciously close.
"…Nahida?"
Katheryne stared at me, expression blank. "Excuse me?"
I coughed. "Aha! Sorry! Called the wrong... Cutie. Heh. Silly me."
But inside?
That little cutie's still not here, huh? Gotta try again later...
The others stared at me.
Paimon slowly floated backward. "He's doing it again. He's staring into the void."
Lumine muttered, "The void probably stared back and gave up."
I snapped out of it. "Sorry, my brain just sometimes buffers like a bad Wi-Fi connection."
Katheryne blinked twice. "You may need medical attention."
Paimon and Lumine, in sync: "He needs divine intervention."
I placed a hand dramatically on my chest. "No need. I am powered by chaos, love, and exactly the almonds and barbecue I ate for breakfast."
Katheryne tilted her head again. "Do peanuts contain memory enhancement properties?"
"Only if you believe hard enough. And pair them with sugar. Lots of sugar."
Paimon smacked her forehead. "We are not surviving this arc, are we?"
I grinned. "Hey, at least it's never boring with me around."
Lumine: "That's the problem."
I could feel my own internal narrator facepalming. But that's fine. Narrators need cardio too.
And so, our bizarre little interaction with Katheryne continued, full of awkward stares, emotional whiplash, and more dumb thoughts swirling in my brain like a soup made of glitter and simping.
but forget about it, I'd better think again and continue with my internal monologue.
Before Lumine hit me again. But it's fine. I can take it. For Nilou. Or Lumine. Or food. Honestly, the priority order shifts hourly.
"It looks like it's about time for me to be heading back now," Katheryne said, with that eerily graceful, eerily mechanical smile.
Paimon floated closer, hands behind her back with the casualness of someone about to dump a whole basket of friendship. "Alright! We'll see you next time at the Adventurer's Guild! Oh, by the way, thanks for connecting us with the Eremites. We've already made some great friends in Sumeru City thanks to you!"
"Ah, right. That did happen. While I was still snoozing in the teapot like a half-dead raccoon post-Chasm incident." I muttered. "I nearly died. For real. Like, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and possibly fashionably."
Oh it's still fresh in my mind. I still have trauma, and I wasn't out for three days.
FOURTEEN.
FOURTEEN. WHOLE. DAYS.
Two weeks of lying there like a fried shrimp tempura in a bento box of sorrow.
Lumine rolled her eyes. "You're exaggerating. You were just asleep for fourteen days."
"JUST?! FOURTEEN DAYS IS BASICALLY A HIBERNATION," I flailed, full drama llama mode activated.
Paimon giggled. "Well, you did look like a very sad, very wrinkly bao bun. A stale one. Like the kind you find at the bottom of the steamer that nobody wants."
"Rude. I was marinating in pain and plot trauma."
Katheryne, ever patient, gave a small nod. "I'm sure you three will get along with the people here. You've already been blessed by the Element of Dendro, after all. See you around!"
She gave us a little wave and walked off, her back perfectly straight like someone carrying exactly zero chaos energy. Meanwhile, I was—
"Dendro, huh?" I muttered.
And then it hit me like a brick of tofu to the face.
"OH SHIT. I still haven't gotten the Dendro element yet!"
Lumine turned around, unfazed, arms casually crossed like she had known this entire time and was just waiting for the universe to slap me. "Oh, right. Since you were still half-dead when we reached Sumeru."
Deadpan.exe activated. I stared straight at her. "Right... Thanks for the reminder, partner. That was inspirational."
She smiled brightly, too brightly. "No problem. Would you like a participation trophy too? Maybe a 'Survived the Chasm and Slept Through Half the Plot' badge?"
"Remind me to make sure you never get jealous again," I mumbled, trudging off like a soggy potato.
Paimon floated beside me. "At this rate, you'll be the only guy to touch a Statue of the Seven and walk away with lettuce instead of power."
"Excuse you, it's divine lettuce. Blessed by the gods, sautéed in miracles, sprinkled with pain."
And so, we power-walked to the nearest Statue of the Seven.
There it stood. Glorious. Glowing. Looking like it was about to bless me with some crunchy veggie powers.
I touched the statue. A soft warmth spread through me. Green light wrapped around my arm like some magical kale smoothie.
"FUCK YEAH! Veggie powers! LET'S GO!"
I punched the air, nearly tripped over a root, and somehow landed in a pose that looked suspiciously like a cabbage about to audition for a dance competition.
"You're going to sprain something one of these days," Lumine muttered, adjusting her glove like she wasn't deeply amused.
Paimon crossed her arms. "You look like a leaf with commitment issues."
"Thank you. That's the nicest thing you two said to me today."
And just when I thought I could finally ride the Dendro high, Paimon piped up again, slicing through my chlorophyll-fueled joy.
"Have you noticed," she said, looking thoughtful for once, "there's something really different about Katheryne today."
Oh.
Oh FUCK.
Right.
Brain.exe has stopped working. Memory buffer overflow. Please insert logic.
I spun around, serious now. Well, 70% serious. The rest was still thinking about green smoothies and possible salad-related combat techniques.
"We have to go back!"
Lumine tilted her head like a confused cat. "Why?"
I grinned. The kind of grin that spelled "this is either genius or chaos incarnate."
"Because Dehya might help us find the cute radish."
Paimon blinked. "You mean the Dendro Archon?"
I nodded enthusiastically. "YES! The Radish Archon!"
Paimon narrowed her eyes. "It's Dendro Archon."
"Same shit. Tomato, tomahto, radish, goddess of wisdom. It's all semantics."
Lumine facepalmed. "Please stop calling the Archon a vegetable."
"It's a term of endearment! Radishes are cute! And possibly sentient! Have you SEEN them in domains?! They look like they read poetry."
Paimon floated around me in circles. "You're lucky she can't hear you. You'd be arrested for vegetable slander."
"Or worship. It's a fine line. Depends on how you season your theology."
Lumine groaned, muttering something that sounded dangerously close to "I can't believe this idiot's my travel companion."
I didn't care. The wind was on my face. My heart was racing. My brain was fried. And I was pretty sure I just committed at least three theological offenses.
But none of that mattered.
Because if there's one thing I'm good at?
It's turning a normal day into a legendary mess.
And possibly dragging my teammates into divine vegetable conspiracies.
And honestly?
I wouldn't have it any other way.
________________________________
End of chapter 86
Quests Completed:
*Dramatically retell your 14-day coma in the most extra way possible.
*Realize something is weird about Katheryne and resolve to investigate.
*Sprint dramatically to the Statue of the Seven after realizing you're the only one without a veggie power.
*Receive the blessing of Dendro by making contact with a Statue of the Seven.
*Refer to the Dendro Archon as the "Radish Archon" (Again) in front of your entire party and survive.
*Offend an Archon using vegetable metaphors at least three times in one conversation.
Rewards:
*+20% Resistance to Sudden Plot Developments
*+50% chance to wake up after all major world events
*Dendro Resonance Unlocked (Shigeru)
*+1000 Vegetable Puns
*+3 Emotional Damage Resistance
*+1 Team Patience Bond (Despite everything, Lumine and Paimon didn't murder me.)
*+10 to Drama when using Dendro.