Chapter 41: "Of Clans, Crushes, and Copy Ninja Wisdom"
Starring one (1) very confused Naruto Uzumaki and one (1) suspiciously romantic Kakashi Hatake
There are certain things in life I expect to be confusing.
Like algebra.
Or trying to fold those weird festival flyers into paper kunai.
Or figuring out what the heck Sasuke is thinking at any given moment.
But girls? Girls are the final boss of confusion.
So obviously, I needed a mentor. A sage.
A ninja who had faced every challenge and emerged cool and unruffled.
A man who wore a mask, read adult romance books, and always smelled like pine trees for some reason.
In short, Kakashi-sensei.
My personal scroll of calm, confusing, and possibly romantic knowledge.
When I found him, he was sitting on top of some ancient wind-worn tower that looked like it belonged in a painting. The sky was turning a sleepy orange. Kakashi had just come back from a date with Viola (which was still kind of wild to me), and instead of napping or reading, he was… just sitting there.
Thinking.
That was already suspicious.
"Kakashi-sensei!" I called, hopping up next to him.
He turned, lifted his visible eyebrow (still suspicious), and smiled.
"Naruto," he said, voice cool as ever. "What brings you here? Trouble in paradise?"
More like three paradises at once, I didn't say.
Instead, I plopped down next to him, pulled my hood over my face, and groaned.
"It's the girls," I mumbled. "Hinata, Sakura, Ino… I think they all like me. And, uh… I think I might like all of them. I mean, I do. But... what do I do? What am I supposed to do, sensei?"
Kakashi didn't laugh. Didn't mock.
He just nodded and looked back at the sunset like he was watching a really slow battle.
Then he said, "Well, logically speaking… I'd encourage you to accept having more than one partner."
"…Wait, what?"
"You're the last true-blooded Uzumaki male alive. A once-powerful clan with unique chakra, stamina, and sealing jutsu. If you don't repopulate the clan, the bloodline weakens. By the time there are even thirty Uzumaki again, the genetics would be diluted."
"So… I should be like a… clan-building Hokage?" I asked, unsure whether to be proud or panicked.
Kakashi shrugged. "That's just logic. Cold. Efficient. Like a mission report."
I blinked. "And the not-logical version?"
He glanced at me. "Love has nothing to do with logic."
Great. That helped so much.
He chuckled and leaned back on his hands. "Naruto, you've always followed your heart, and that's taken you far. Don't rush. Don't try to plan the perfect answer right now. Relax. Enjoy the game."
"The game?" I repeated, looking at him like he'd just called Sakura a bunny.
Kakashi nodded. "Love is a game. A wild, confusing, hilarious game. You'll make mistakes, say stupid things, panic a lot. But that's how you find what's real. It's not about figuring it all out today—it's about growing into the man who can."
I stayed quiet for a moment, watching a pair of fireflies blink in the dusk.
"You sound like Jiraiya."
"High praise," Kakashi said with a wink. "Minus the peeking."
"…I don't peek."
"I never said you did. But Ino might."
I nearly choked.
He laughed again and stood up, stretching like a cat who had just solved a world crisis.
"I know you, Naruto. You'll figure it out. Maybe not with your brain, but definitely with your heart. Just don't run away next time."
"…You saw that?"
"Everyone saw that. You left a Naruto-shaped cloud behind."
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When life gives you lemons, you don't just make lemonade.
You march into a jungle, plop yourself down under a weirdly spiritual banana tree, and mentally poke a fox demon for romantic advice.
Which is exactly what I did.
The moon was overhead, casting silver light through thick leaves, and the jungle buzzed with insects that sounded like they were beatboxing. The perfect vibe for self-reflection, deep thoughts, and maybe getting eaten by a vine monster.
I crossed my legs, placed my hands on my knees, took a deep breath, and entered Sage Mode Lite™ (that's what I call it when I don't go full frog-eyes but still focus a little).
"Kurama," I muttered, slipping into my mindspace. "I need some help."
Inside, the scenery flipped—suddenly I was standing in front of a giant cage. A tail swished. Red eyes glowed. The Nine-Tailed Fox slowly turned his head toward me like I'd just interrupted his nap with a love letter.
"...You're bothering me for this?" Kurama grumbled. "Really, Naruto? Girls?"
"Well, yeah!" I threw up my hands. "I mean, Sakura and Hinata and Ino—they all said they liked me! At once! Do you know how much pressure that is?!"
Kurama snorted, resting his massive head on his paw. "So what do you want me to say? That you're some tragic romance hero? That you're cursed with irresistible charm?"
"Okay, when you say it, it sounds sarcastic."
"It is sarcastic."
I sighed and flopped down, letting the silence hang.
Kurama eventually broke it with a deep rumble. "What did that silver-haired human say? Kakashi?"
I nodded. "He told me it's logical to have more than one partner if I want to rebuild the Uzumaki clan... but that love isn't about logic. That I should take it slow and let life guide me."
Kurama closed one eye. "He's not wrong. You've never been the smartest human, Naruto. But what you are… is stubborn."
"Gee, thanks."
"That's a compliment for you. You've always followed your gut. You waited for Sasuke, you trained harder than anyone else, you changed people's hearts just by being... annoying. And determined."
"I call it 'charm.'"
He ignored me. "So why rush now? You're not in a war. No one's dying. No one's being attacked. You have time. You earned time. Be patient. Let them show you who they are. Let your feelings grow or fade. But stop acting like you have to pick one or explode."
I blinked.
"That… was surprisingly good advice," I said slowly.
Kurama snorted again. "Tch. I'm ancient, not heartless. Just because I don't care about your high school soap opera doesn't mean I want you to mess it up and whine about it for weeks."
"...Did you just quote a drama show?"
He growled.
"I'm just saying, that sounded very specific—"
"OUT."
I was yeeted out of the mindspace like a scroll in a thunderstorm.
I sat up in the jungle, a few leaves stuck to my face and a monkey staring at me like I owed it rent.
But… I felt better. Lighter.
No need to panic.
No need to rush.
Just… breathe. Feel. Let things unfold.
Also maybe figure out how to survive being doted on by three very competitive kunoichi.
"Piece of cake," I whispered.
The monkey raised an eyebrow.
"…Okay, maybe half a cake."
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So, after some jungle meditation, ancient fox therapy, and one very judgmental monkey—I made peace with the idea of letting life take its course.
"Don't rush," Kakashi said.
"Follow your heart," Kurama grumbled.
"Get three at the price of one," Ino kind of yelled.
But despite all that inner calm and emotional growth, I still had one teeny-tiny problem:
How the heck was I supposed to deal with FOUR awesome girls who maybe, sort of, definitely liked me?!
So I did what any overwhelmed shinobi trying to make sense of love would do…
I channelled Shikamaru.
Yup, I sat down in my room, pulled out a scroll, ink brush in hand, and wrote four names:
Hinata
Ino
Sakura
Vivi
Then, below each name, I made two neat columns: PROS and CONS.
Let the disaster begin.
HINATA
Pros
Kindest person I know
Always supported me, even when I was a total knucklehead
Great with kids (saw her training that shy academy genin once… adorable)
Stronger than she looks – seriously, gentle fist hurts
Cooks like an angel. Actually is an angel.
Eyes that see right through me—kind of terrifying, kind of sweet
Might be the only girl who won't punch me if I mess up
Cons
Gets shy around me (but honestly? It's kinda cute)
Might end up being too self-sacrificing—what if she forgets her own happiness?
INO
Pros
Confidence level: Jiraiya on publication day
Pretty much kissed me before I said hi—10/10 initiative
Stylish. Like, painfully stylish.
Gets along with people easily—except Sakura, sometimes
Mind-Body jutsu could be super useful for stealthy pranks
Might be a little too into me, but I'm not complaining
Cons
Slightly terrifying in "flirt mode"
Big gossip energy—not sure I want my entire love life shared with the girls at the flower shop
Could fight Sakura over me. Again.
I think she likes causing chaos. Like, on purpose.
SAKURA
Pros
Crazy smart, medical genius
Hits hard, heals harder
Been through everything with me
Lowkey beautiful. Highkey terrifying.
Talks to me like I'm normal, not some hero.
When she's not yelling at me, she's actually super caring
Cons
See above: Yelling. Lots of it.
Still unsure about her feelings (mine too, to be fair)
Might try to cripple me so I depend on her—like what even?!
VIVI
Pros
Mysterious royalty vibes—kind of exotic
Always calm, always composed
Seems to respect me, not just as a ninja but… as a person?
Would probably make peace treaties and dinner
Has this weird power to make me want to be better
Cons
Don't know her that well yet
Not from Konoha—might have a whole royal life waiting back home
What if she sees me as just some wild leaf shinobi?
Intimidating in a "politely dangerous" way
I stared at the list.
Then stared harder.
Then realized something incredibly important.
I was doomed.
Because every single one of them had things I liked, and every "con" wasn't really a dealbreaker—it just made them more them. And weirdly enough, I liked them.
All of them.
How was that fair?
This wasn't a ninja mission. I couldn't just pick a target and throw a Rasengan at it. Love wasn't a jutsu. It was more like… a ramen buffet with only one stomach.
I groaned and flopped onto the floor.
"…Life, take the wheel," I muttered. "Just don't crash it into a wall of angry girlfriends."
From the inside, I swear I heard Kurama laugh.
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Naruto had left the small compound with a determined look in his eye and that signature bounce in his step—the kind that meant one of two things: he was about to do something awesome... or something explosively dumb.
In this case, it was both.
He headed straight for the open plains just beyond the village's edge, where trees were scorched and the air still crackled faintly from his last attempt. It was time to practice something he knew well, something that didn't involve feelings, blushes, or surprise kisses.
Explosions.
Specifically, the Tailed Beast Bomb—the ultimate in chakra-based boom. Kurama had reluctantly agreed to teach him over the past week, and while Naruto wasn't quite there yet, he had a thing for big challenges (and bigger explosions). There was something comfortingly simple about molding insane chakra and firing it at a boulder until the boulder ceased to exist.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Naruto, the girls weren't quite done with him.
Hinata, Ino, and Sakura were nearby, all hidden behind the slope of a small hill. Sakura was sitting cross-legged, pretending to read a medical scroll. Ino was combing her hair with a bit too much focus. Hinata, however, had activated her Byakugan and was following Naruto's movements like a hawk.
"He's practicing again," Hinata whispered, cheeks slightly flushed. "Looks like... tailed beast bomb training."
"Big shocker," Ino murmured. "Blow stuff up when life gets complicated. Classic Naruto."
"But he left something behind," Hinata said, eyes narrowing slightly. "A scroll... near his bedroll. He was writing in it earlier."
Sakura blinked, curious. "Wait, he was writing? As in... voluntarily?"
"Must be serious," Ino muttered. "Naruto only writes when he's really, really trying to figure something out."
"Or planning a prank," Sakura added.
But now the three girls shared a look.
Something unspoken passed between them. Normally, they respected his space. But this wasn't a normal time. Naruto had been acting a little weird lately—blushing more, being unusually thoughtful, and looking at all three of them like he was trying to do math in his head... emotional math.
After a long pause, Sakura sighed. "Let's just go take a peek. I promise I won't burn it unless it's really bad."
A minute later, the girls had snuck back to the little clearing where Naruto had been staying. Sure enough, there was a scroll rolled open on a mat, the ink still fresh. And on that scroll were four names written in bold, slightly messy kanji.
Their names.
Sakura. Ino. Hinata. Vivi.
There was a pause—brief, electric—before Ino, of course, pounced.
"Ooooh, this is a ranking list, isn't it?!"
"It's not a ranking list," Sakura snapped, grabbing the scroll. "It's... a pros and cons list?"
Hinata turned red instantly, her hands clasping together. "He wrote... about us?"
"I'm almost touched," Ino grinned. "Almost."
But then the three of them leaned in, scanning the scroll word for word. They read what he thought about Hinata's kindness, Ino's chaos, Sakura's strength, Vivi's mystery. They saw his fears, his confusion, his genuine effort to understand what he felt. He hadn't picked a favorite. He hadn't mocked or compared them cruelly. He was... trying. Really hard.
By the time they reached the bottom, all three girls were silent.
Sakura slowly rolled the scroll shut. "...He really doesn't know what to do."
Ino crossed her arms, her grin softening. "Well, he is an idiot. A lovable one, though."
Hinata smiled faintly. "At least he's thinking about it seriously."
They stood there, unsure of what to say next.
Then, Ino tilted her head and smirked. "Sooo... do we tell him we read it? Or act totally normal while slowly driving him crazy?"
Sakura deadpanned. "We are not torturing him."
Hinata coughed politely. "But... maybe we could tease him a little?"
The three girls exchanged glances.
And then they all smiled.
Because love might be confusing, messy, and occasionally explosive—but one thing was certain:
Naruto Uzumaki had no idea what was coming.