Dude: i've got to say. summer's here.
Dasch: yes, i'm gonna lose some furs.
Dude: can you not do that.
Dasch: what do you mean by that.
Dude: your fur shedding.
Dasch: i'm not shedding them. they just fall off against my will.
Dude: i just don't want your furs spreading around. it's messing up.
Dasch: i think your place has already been messy without my furs.
Dude: no, nothing was a mess before your furs landed on them.
Dasch: my furs would never land on them if they weren't there in the first place.
Dude: what do you mean by them.
Dasch: your stuffs, things, and gizmos. they are lying around anywhere in chaos.
Dude: they are there for a reason. i've talked about this many times. they are in perfect configuration. i need them to be this way for functionality and utility.
Dasch: how do you explain this massive heap of dirty clothes.
Dude: it's gotta be in constant supply. i do hand laundry day by day as my special physical exercise.
Dasch: then how come it gets taller everyday?
Dude: after some time of living together with me, it has formed a kind of relationship.
Dasch: um...okay?
Dude: yeah, so the relationship grew so... it grew taller.
Dasch: i don't know if that's a healthy relationship. i haven't seen a magic like this.
Dude: you'd dare call our relationship a magic. our relationship may seem magical to outsiders. once they are in it, they realize how real and lively this relationship is. it's not a laughable matter.
Dasch: there's nothing funny about this and you know i haven't laughed so far. a magic so real as this is actually daunting and horrifying.
Dude: i've sowed and harvested it throughout many years.
Dasch: so you are supposed to be a gardener and it's like some plant.
Dude: i do not want to define our relationship like that. it's suffocating. it's an openended relationship. you do not get to separate or toxify it. we won't stand such abuse or conspiracy.
Dasch: not even in my previous or after life, could i have appreciated what is going on here between you and your laundries.
Dude: when i do wash them, i realize how difficult separation is. the cleaner they get by my soaping and massaging, the more our memories and emotions go down the drain. i could never get used to it. it's been a real labor. emotional one. heartbreaking.
Dasch: i've never had such deeply invested relationship. one where you literally wash and cleanse away the very existence you've been with. i never thought laundry could be passionate and amorous. i am not sure if i am lucky i never have to do any laundry. i don't know if i'm ready for such mature and profound dedication and exchange with other beings. i support you however uninvolved i am as an outsider. there really isn't much appropriate reaction i can seem to bring up.
Dude: i don't need your sympathy. i'm in this alone. this relationship dilemma. i can't be supported. it's because i'm the protagonist. i'm the one who has to make it through.
Dasch: let me forget all that sympathizer role play. that was some dumbest shit. your magic must have hypnotized me. you almost dragged me into a circus of shit festivity. with all honesty, this relationship you're romanticizing is just straight up bullshit rationalization to never do laundry. your procrastination is unprecedented and groundbreaking. your filthy, unsanitary, disgusting naked mind is everlasting without shame or room for improvement.
Dude: you poop shaped wiener doggy. i knew you would return somehow somewhere. i counted and waited. i wondered how far my magic could detract you. never once could you tolerate to be a full consistent mental support. never could you afford to be an unconditional cheerleader for the way my existence is. i'm gonna order 6 corndogs and 6 hotdogs. i am going to tie you a kitchen table and watch me indulge devouring your miniatures. i'm gonna eat slow and regurgitate like a cow. i am going to crunch them until they are watered. i'm going to make you watch those miniatures get poked and forked like voodoo dolls.
Dasch: hope you are aware, none of that does anything to me. it only lowers your credit card balance and increases your blood pressure. you really have nothing much ingenious to affect me. i've never heard a speech so long and so ineffective, it was longer than all the corndogs and hotdogs combined. your brain may as well be shaped like those dogs. you will become what you eat. i won't be hurt by what you eat. i'm going away. i'm sick of your nonsense laundromat and lunatic love story. good bye.
Dasch turns around to head out. Just before exiting the door, Dasch taps on the bottom of laundries and dashes out. Dude jerks up from his couch, pulling on his hair and watching the laundries topple down scattered across the floor.
Dude: you freakin corndooooooooooooog!
Dude's shout echoes and spreads out through neighborhood. It wakes up and triggers all the dogs in neighborhood who all start barking and filling the neighborhood with cacophony. Dude tries to walk towards the laundries however in shock and climax of frustration, he collapses sideways on his bed and screams for a good while into the innocent pillow.