You know, back on Earth, if someone punched you in the face, you could sue them. If someone stalked you, that was a crime. And if a muscle-bound Amazon forcibly clung to you while you were teleporting halfway across the city?
That's nightmare.
"WHY ARE THEY STILL CHASING MEEE!?"
I screamed as I jumped over a fruit stall, knocking over several apples that didn't deserve to die for my sins.
Behind me, the sound of something heavy, and angry slammed into a wooden cart.
"Oi, stop running, you damn coward!!"
Ah. Bete.
Again.
The man whose only good at being angry.
"Lefiya, now!"
That was Finn.
He brought air support again.
A flash of light zipped past my head, followed by the deafening boom of an exploded brick wall. Dust scattered around me.
I dove behind the nearest building, clutching my chest.
So this is what it feels like to be the final boss in a RPG, huh?
Is this even fair? A whole squad against one person? Now, I feel bad for every last boss.
***
Three days ago… I made a mistake.
A very terrible mistake.
I thought... Maybe, if I beat them once, they would back off.
Respect me.
Fear me.
Realize that I'm not some random person you could play with.
Hell no.
Instead, they just got smarter. Stronger.
More petty.
More annoying.
Finn, that little smirking chihuahua started using a real strategy.
He would position Lefiya on rooftops, far enough that even if I could fly, I still wouldn't reach her in time.
Tiona and Tione flank me like twin doom gods in short pants.
Riveria became semi support whose also attack me in close combat? Double role? That's not fair!
And Bete? That wolf-brained terminator? He doesn't stop. I once saw him kick through a wall just to scream at me. Also, He is wearing training pants now.
One moment I use my {steal} to take his pants but to my surprise he is wearing double pants? Or is it triple? Surely, he used his brain now.
The worst is that Sword Princess. She still had that stoic face but every attack she made is like she want to slice me into hundred parts. She also keep repeating the same sentence. 'give it back.'
Which I keep pretending to not hear.
Then…
When I was about to {Teleport}, classic escape maneuver.
Right before it went off…
Tiona clung to me mid-cast.
I don't even know how she knew I was going to teleport. Probably Amazon intuition. Or maybe sheer muscle-sense.
We landed together inside my cheap rent in back alley.
It was the single most awkward, claustrophobic, and horrifying 3 seconds of my life.
I had to drain her mana until she collapsed in a giggling, twitchy mess just to escape. It wasn't sexy. It was terrifying.
And somehow, I was the bad guy.
Now?
Now I'm hiding.
In some abandoned rooftop shack that smells like wet goblin and broken dreams.
Dinner was stale bread and water.
"This isn't a fantasy world," I muttered to no one, "this is a survival horror game with extra humiliation."
I sat there, back to the wall, hugging my knees like a man who's seen too much.
My name is Satou Kazuma.
Once a proud adventurer of Axel. Slayer of Demon Generals. Vanquisher of the Demon King. Champion of justice, True Advocate of gender equality, Iris Onii-chan, and many other great title.
Now?
Now I'm a fugitive.
Wanted by the guild.
Wanted by one of the strongest Familias in Orario.
Living off stolen bread and questionable soup.
Dodging arrows, explosions, and righteous fury on a daily basis.
And worst of all?
I think I dropped Ais' underwear somewhere back in the chaos.
It's gone.
Which means I don't even have a bargaining chip anymore. No leverage. No trump card. Just cold wind and colder nights.
"…I just wanted a normal life," I whispered.
Fortunately, Loki Familia never attack me in the night.
Not like they are being kind to me. I guess Finn realized how many advantage I have in the night.
Lurk, Night Vision, Foresight, Vanir mask buff.
Maybe he just being reasonable.
But it keeps bothering me.
How can they found me so easily?
I'm pretty confidence in my 'hide & run' ability.
And I knew they don't have any spy following me.
They tried it before, but I realized it immediately with my {enemy detection}.
Could it be they have some kind of enemy detection that's better than me?
Yeah, that's possible.
Anyway, I should do something.
One more close call, one more hand gripping my collar mid-teleport, and I knew... next time, I wouldn't escape.
I had no more tricks.
No more power.
No underwear to bargain.
Should I just leave this city? I feel like I would lost a chance to go back if I leave this city.
I also feel pissed off by their doings these days.
So let's just do some counter attack.
Let's kidnap their goddess.
I'm really genius.
***
It was surprisingly easy, honestly.
I just waited until nightfall, sneaked into Twilight Manor using {Lurk}, and followed the smell of wine and failure.
There she was, Goddess Loki asleep on a couch, drooling slightly, muttering something about "Ais-chan's thighs."
I stared at her for a long moment.
"...Yup. This is the one."
I 'gently' stuffed her into a sack I'd stolen from a potato vendor, cast {Lurk}, and disappeared into the night like some kind of morally ambiguous Santa Claus.
***
The next morning, the Loki Familia discovered a note nailed to their front gate:
"You think you can always gangbang me and lose nothing?Well, guess what. I kidnapped your precious goddess. Fuhaha... "—The Devil in the Vanir Mask."
All core members remained silent after reading that.
"…Should we, like… save her?" Finn scratched his head.
"Do we have to? I mean… it's Loki we talked about". Riveria looked at the floor. "… I don't think anything bad will happen to her."
"Tch, if anything, that guy deserves compensation for taking care of her," muttered Bete.
"Honestly, I don't think the boy will do anything bad to Loki." Garreth added. "He may be a threat but he is not evil."
Everyone nod in unison. After many fights, they could agree with that facts.
And so… no one came.