Jiang Chen sat cross-legged in the middle of his modest courtyard, staring blankly at the ground.
The scent of incense wafted from a small stone altar that hadn't been there yesterday. A banner flapped gently in the breeze overhead, inscribed in elegant calligraphy:
"Green Heart Pavilion – Where Feelings Blossom Like Cabbage."
He wasn't hallucinating.
He wasn't dreaming.
He had tried pinching himself. Several times. Even bit his own sleeve.
Still there.
"Why is there a shrine in my backyard?" he whispered to no one.
A cheerful voice answered from behind, "Because, Senior Brother Jiang, this is where it all began!"
He turned to see Junior Disciple Wei—known informally as "Wei the Gossip," a walking newspaper with ears too big and mouth too loud. She had a bamboo notepad and charcoal stick already scribbling away.
"'It all began?'" he repeated slowly.
Wei nodded with a sparkle in her eyes. "The first cabbage! The first poem! The moment Senior Brother's emotions awakened the hearts of maidens and vegetables alike!"
"...You're telling me I emotionally awakened cabbage."
She nodded solemnly.
Jiang Chen looked at the shrine again. The stone altar had a shallow dish where people had left offerings—radishes, bok choy, someone even left a spicy hotpot seasoning pack. Beside it was a carved wooden statue that looked suspiciously like him. Only... with slightly longer hair. And glowing cabbage eyes.
"Who carved that?!" he asked.
"Junior Sister Fei. She says your likeness came to her in a dream," Wei replied with reverence. "Then Elder Mu blessed it with cultivation-enhancing incense. This shrine is now a place of spiritual growth."
"I'M A FARMING ACCIDENT, NOT A SAINT!"
Wei blinked. "That's... exactly what a humble sage would say."
Jiang Chen buried his face in his hands.
He tried reasoning with the elders.
Big mistake.
As he stepped into Elder Mu's quarters, he was greeted with the scent of tea and the sound of brushstrokes. The elder was writing something with intense focus.
"Elder Mu, I need to talk to you about the shrine," Jiang Chen began, keeping his voice calm.
The elder paused, looking up with a benevolent smile. "Ah, the Cabbage Enlightenment Shrine. Magnificent, isn't it?"
"No! No, it's not magnificent. It's—it's insane! You turned my backyard into a holy field!"
Elder Mu stood up and gestured proudly to a scroll painting hung on the wall. It depicted Jiang Chen in flowing robes, one hand on a cabbage stalk, his other outstretched as green light radiated from his chest.
"I call it 'Sage of Sprouts.' Do you approve?"
"Absolutely not!"
The elder stroked his beard. "Very modest. Just like your cabbage haiku—such restraint in emotion, yet such power in the silence between syllables."
"I was drunk on pickled plum juice!"
"Even more impressive. True wisdom comes when the mind is unshackled."
Jiang Chen wanted to scream.
By the next day, his peaceful courtyard had turned into a pilgrimage site.
Disciples lined up to offer cabbages while quietly meditating. Some recited poetry. Some sang cabbage-themed ballads. One guy was performing interpretive dance.
He opened his door only to be greeted by two unfamiliar cultivators from another sect.
"Great Sage of the Verdant Heart," the older one said respectfully, "we've come seeking guidance."
"Go home," Jiang Chen said, trying to close the door.
The younger one shoved a scroll in before he could.
"We humbly present our tribute: a cabbage that blooms under moonlight! It glows faintly. Please teach us how to infuse love into agriculture!"
"I don't even know how I infused breakfast into agriculture!"
"You do not see your greatness," the older cultivator whispered. "That is the mark of a true master."
When Jiang Chen finally snapped, he grabbed a hoe and stomped into the shrine.
"Listen up!" he shouted at the gathered crowd. "I am not a cabbage sage! I have no wisdom! I eat my vegetables without feeling!"
The crowd gasped.
"But Senior Brother," one girl whispered tearfully, "you told the turnip yesterday that it deserved more sunshine..."
"That was a farming tip!"
Another disciple sobbed. "You spoke to it so gently…"
He groaned. "I was just trying not to rot my crops!"
A cultivator in white robes stepped forward, eyes shining. "Truly, to care for a root vegetable as if it were kin—that is the Dao of Empathy!"
Jiang Chen turned and walked straight into the wall of his shed.
Repeatedly.
Late that night, after managing to bribe everyone away with promises of releasing a new haiku next week (he wouldn't), Jiang Chen sat in his cabbage-infested garden with a deep sigh.
"System," he whispered, "any chance you want to trigger a world-ending event?"
The System beeped gently in his mind.
[Host has successfully unlocked new passive ability: Inspiring Cultivation Through Misunderstanding.][All romantic and poetic gestures will now unintentionally boost cultivation comprehension within a 15-meter radius.]
"…That's not what I meant."
[Congratulations! You have unintentionally founded a sect-wide movement. Title unlocked: Saint of Accidental Affection.]
"Noooooo—"
[Public approval has risen by 22%. New skill unlocked: Charismatic Farming (Lv. 1).]
"I didn't ask for any of this!!"
[Auto-schedule: Weekly poetry session registered.]
"System, I swear—!"
[Reminder: Cabbage Shrine expansion request pending sect approval.]
Jiang Chen curled into a ball and whimpered, "I just wanted to grow vegetables… and be left alone."
From behind him, he heard Umbrella Girl humming softly.
Then a soft voice. "Senior Brother… would you like some pickled cabbage soup? I made it… with extra feelings."
He didn't even lift his head. "I don't want feelings in my soup…"
Author's Note:Jiang Chen has achieved the rare status of "Unwilling Founder of a Cultivated Cult." With disciples growing emotionally attached to produce, cabbage shrines multiplying, and poetry now a sect-wide cultivation booster… can he still cling on to his dreams?