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Chapter 4 - The Things We Pretend to Forget

It was never the silence that hurt her.

It was what lived inside it.

The unspoken.

Maya stood at the window again, arms folded, as if hugging herself was easier than reaching for someone who was no longer there.

The air outside was tinted with the golden hue of dusk, soft and deceitful—like memories she never asked to remember.

Behind her, the door creaked.

She didn't turn.

"You're back," came the voice. Familiar. Still raw.

She closed her eyes.

"Dira..."

He stepped closer, cautious, as if she might shatter if he breathed too loudly.

"You didn't return my texts," he said softly.

"You sent them too late," she replied, her voice a breath above the silence.

There was a pause.

"I came back... for you."

Maya finally turned. Her eyes were glossy but firm.

"Don't say that like it's enough."

Dira flinched, but he didn't argue. He just looked at her—like she was the answer to every question he'd been too afraid to ask.

"Do you remember," she whispered, "what you told me before you left?"

"I said I'd be back."

"No. Before that."

He hesitated. And that hesitation—God, it cut her deeper than any goodbye ever had.

"You said you didn't believe in staying," she continued, almost smiling. "You said people are like seasons. They come, they go, and they change."

Dira exhaled shakily. "I was wrong."

"No," she said. "You were honest. And honesty hurts more than lies, doesn't it?"

He took a step closer.

"I've changed."

Maya shook her head slowly. "But I haven't. Not enough to forget how it felt waking up without knowing if you were alive. Or if I ever meant anything to you."

"You did. You still do."

"Then why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

Silence again.

And in that silence, a thousand unsaid things screamed between them.

Dira ran a hand through his hair. "I thought it would be easier for you if I disappeared."

Maya let out a soft, bitter laugh. "You were wrong again."

He moved even closer now, until only inches separated them.

"You once told me," he murmured, "that love doesn't mean staying. It means choosing. Again and again."

"I did choose you," she said, almost trembling. "Even when you weren't here."

Dira's jaw clenched. His eyes were full of something that looked like regret—but deeper.

"I'm choosing you now."

"But I don't know if I still know how to believe you," she said, her voice cracking. "Because the truth is… I'm scared. Scared that if I open the door again, you'll leave before I can close it."

He looked down, then slowly reached for her hand.

"I can't promise I won't make mistakes," he said. "But I swear, I won't walk away again. Not unless you tell me to."

Her fingers twitched in his.

"Then stay," she whispered. "But this time, stay for the ugly parts too. Not just the love songs and sunsets."

"I'll stay for the storms," he said, lifting her hand to his lips, "and the silence between your tears."

And in that moment, as the sky outside turned darker and the world held its breath, Maya did the one thing she hadn't done in a long time.

She leaned into him.

And for the first time since forever, she allowed herself to believe.

---

She didn't realize she was crying until Dira reached out and touched her cheek.

His thumb brushed away a tear like it was something sacred.

"I hate that I hurt you," he said quietly.

She shook her head.

"No, you don't," she said. "If you did, you wouldn't have vanished. You wouldn't have let me spiral alone while pretending you did it for my sake."

Dira didn't argue this time.

He stood there, solid and flawed, and more human than he ever looked before.

"You deserved better," he murmured.

She looked up at him.

"I did," she said. "But I didn't want better. I wanted you. Even when it made no sense."

Something in his eyes faltered. Something broke.

"You always saw more in me than I ever gave you."

"Because I believed," she said. "Because I loved a version of you that maybe never even existed."

He took that blow silently.

And still… he didn't leave.

Instead, he sat down on the floor, right there in front of her window, legs crossed like a boy who had nowhere to go. And for once, he didn't try to fix anything. He just waited.

After a moment, she sat too.

Cross-legged across from him. A thousand years between them in a heartbeat.

"Why did you really come back?" she asked.

He answered without flinching.

"To remember who I was when I was with you. To see if there's still a chance to become him again."

She studied his face.

The tired lines. The scruff. The weariness in his eyes. The way he held himself like he'd been carrying something too heavy for too long.

"You didn't leave because of me, did you?"

"No," he said. "I left because I thought I'd ruin you if I stayed."

"And you didn't think disappearing would do that?"

He winced.

"I was a coward."

"No," she said. "You were human."

He looked up.

And for the first time, she let herself look back without flinching.

"You're not the only one who broke something," she whispered. "I broke too. Every time I waited for a message. Every time I told myself you were just busy. Every time I blamed myself for your silence."

"I wanted to call," he said. "A thousand times."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't know what to say that would make it okay."

She smiled. Not kindly. But not cruel either.

"There was nothing to say. You just had to show up."

"I'm here now."

"Yes. But people aren't books, Dira. You can't just pick up where you left off."

He reached out again. Not to touch her this time. Just to hold his palm up, inches from hers.

"Then maybe we start over."

She looked at his hand. At the space between them.

Then slowly, carefully, she placed her palm against his.

Warm. Hesitant.

Real.

"Start over," she repeated. "Like strangers?"

He shook his head.

"No. Like people who knew each other once, and are brave enough to try again."

She closed her eyes.

And for the first time, the past didn't pull her under.

---

They sat like that for a long time.

Saying nothing.

Breathing in the stillness.

Until Maya finally leaned back against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees.

"I met someone," she said, eyes straight ahead.

Dira froze.

But he didn't speak.

"He was kind," she continued. "He never made me guess what he felt. Never left me wondering if I was too much, or not enough."

Dira's jaw tightened.

"Do you love him?"

She turned to face him.

"I wanted to. Desperately."

"That's not an answer."

"No," she said. "It's the only answer that matters."

He swallowed hard.

"Is he still in your life?"

She hesitated.

Then nodded. "His name is Kayla."

A beat.

And then—

"Kayla's a guy?"

"Yes."

Another pause.

Dira looked down.

"I deserve this," he said.

She raised a brow.

"No. You don't. Love doesn't work like karma."

"Do you still see him?"

"Sometimes. Not as much lately."

He didn't ask more. He just sat there, taking it in.

Processing.

Hurting.

"I'm not here to fight him," he finally said. "But I'll fight for you, if that's what it takes."

She looked at him for a long moment.

"You still think love is a war?"

"No. But sometimes you have to show someone they're worth fighting for."

Her eyes softened. Just a little.

"Then show me," she said. "Don't tell me. Just… show me."

---

It was late when he finally stood up.

Maya walked him to the door.

Not because she wanted him to leave

But because she wasn't sure what would happen if he stayed.

He paused at the threshold.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Maybe."

He smiled.

"'Maybe' is more than I deserve."

She didn't smile back.

But as she closed the door after him, her hand lingered on the handle.

And her heart…

Her heart whispered something her lips weren't ready to say.

Not yet.

But maybe—

Maybe soon.

---

---

The night felt longer than usual

And yet

Maya couldn't sleep

She kept walking in circles around the same memory

The way his eyes held regret without apology

The way his voice trembled like he was carrying the weight of something heavier than truth

The way her name sounded when he said it now—gentler

like it was something he wasn't sure he had the right to hold anymore

She lay on the couch

Half curled into herself

Phone in hand

Kayla had texted

"Did he come?"

She stared at the screen

Fingers hovering

Then typed

"Yes."

The reply came fast

"And?"

Maya blinked

Took a slow breath

Typed again

"He still knows how to make me cry."

There was no reply for a while

Then finally

"Do you want him to stay?"

Her throat tightened

And maybe she should've said no

Maybe she should've lied

Or hesitated

Or reasoned with her own pain

But she didn't

"I don't know"

She stared at those words

Felt the weight of them like a stone in her chest

She closed her eyes

And Kayla didn't press further

He knew her well enough to leave space when silence was louder than words

---

The next morning the sky was pale with thin clouds

She hadn't really slept

But she got up anyway

Wore something neutral

Pulled her hair up

Tried to convince herself it was just another day

She stepped out to get coffee

And found him there again

Sitting on the bench outside her building

Holding two cups

One in each hand

Like a peace offering he was afraid to extend

"You remembered how I like it" she said softly

Dira stood

Carefully handed her the cup

"Black no sugar no explanation"

She smiled

Not out of affection

But surprise

And a little sadness

"You used to hate how bitter it was"

"I still do" he admitted "but I figured if I'm trying again I should start with the hard parts"

They sat in silence again

People passed

Birds chirped above

But the quiet between them was louder than the city

"You didn't sleep" he said quietly

She didn't answer

"I didn't either" he added "I kept thinking about what you said

About the door"

She looked down at her cup

"I meant it"

"I know

But I want to be the kind of man who earns the right to knock on that door

Not just walk through it like it still belongs to me"

She looked at him now

Really looked

The man who once ran from her

Now sat here hoping for permission to try again

"What if I already changed the lock" she whispered

"Then I'll wait until you make a new key"

Her chest hurt

In that sharp quiet way longing often does

---

Later that day

Maya found herself standing outside Kayla's studio

She didn't call ahead

Just walked in

As if her feet knew something her mind hadn't caught up with

Kayla was painting

Headphones in

Barefoot on the cold wooden floor

Canvas stained with deep reds and shadows of midnight blue

He saw her before she spoke

Removed the headphones slowly

Eyes unreadable

"You came"

"I didn't know where else to go"

He didn't move

Didn't ask anything

She looked at his painting

"Is it new?"

"No

But it feels different now"

"Because of me?"

He shrugged

"You color things without realizing"

She walked closer

Eyes on the canvas

It was abstract

But somehow she saw herself in it

Or maybe just the way he saw her

Fragmented

But still whole

"I don't want to hurt you" she said

"Too late for that" he replied

Gently

Not with resentment

Just truth

"I still need time

To know where my heart belongs"

Kayla nodded

"I didn't ask you to choose

I just asked you not to disappear"

She turned to him now

Close enough to see the small flecks of gold in his dark brown eyes

"And if I do choose him?"

He smiled

And it broke something in her

"Then I'll let you go

But not quietly

I'll write about you in every brushstroke

And maybe one day you'll walk past a painting and recognize the way I loved you

Even if I'm no longer in the room"

She felt her chest twist

Tears almost rising

But she didn't cry

She walked closer

Pressed her forehead gently to his chest

And they stood like that

Not lovers

Not friends

But something in between

Something sacred

And temporary

---

That night

Maya didn't text either of them

She sat by her window

Listening to the wind

Holding the silence in her hands like something fragile

And wondering if sometimes

We're not meant to choose

Sometimes

We're just meant to feel

To ache

To be torn

To bleed in ways no one else sees

Because maybe

The greatest kind of love

Is the one we carry quietly

Not the loud forever

But the soft maybe

And maybe

Just maybe

That's enough

---

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