The next morning
Maya stood in front of the mirror
watching a version of herself she no longer recognized
Not the girl who waited by her phone
Not the girl who kissed Kayla's lips hoping she'd feel whole
And not the girl who cried the night Dira left
This version of her
was quieter
but not weak
tired
but not broken
she was becoming someone new
and the truth was
that scared her more than losing either of them
---
She found Dira waiting again
This time
he didn't bring coffee
or flowers
or apologies
Just a notebook
worn
the cover torn
the pages stained with time
He held it out to her
"What's this?"
"My side of the story" he said
She hesitated
then took it
and opened to the first page
There
in messy writing
was her name
written over and over again
like he'd been trying not to forget how it felt on his tongue
He watched her read
nervous
hopeful
like a man dangling over the edge of something deep
"There are things in there I never said aloud" he murmured
"Things I was too afraid to give you when I still had the right"
She closed the notebook slowly
"You still don't have the right"
"I know
But I'm trying to earn it"
Maya looked up
her eyes unreadable
"Words don't fix absence"
"They don't" he agreed "but they're all I have right now
Until you let me prove more"
She didn't answer
Instead
she tucked the notebook into her bag
not as a promise
but as a pause
---
Later that afternoon
Maya walked into Kayla's apartment unannounced
He was playing music
soft
almost painful
When he saw her
he didn't speak
just turned down the volume
waited
"I saw Dira today"
Kayla nodded
he didn't ask how it went
didn't ask if she cried again
Instead
he simply said
"Do you love him?"
Maya closed her eyes
then opened them slowly
"I don't know if I love him now
But I know I used to love him like breathing
And you don't just unlearn that kind of love overnight"
He nodded
still not speaking
"I want to be fair to you" she added
He finally smiled
but there was no joy in it
"Fairness doesn't exist in love
You don't owe me balance
You owe me truth"
She looked down
"I don't know how to give that yet"
He stood
walked over
and gently lifted her chin
"Then take your time
But don't lie to me while you're deciding"
She nodded
tears threatening again
He kissed her forehead
not her lips
and whispered
"I love you
Even if I'm just the room between who you were
and who you're becoming"
Her heart cracked
Because he was right
That's what he'd become
The space between her grief and her healing
The comfort she needed
The softness she didn't deserve
The timing that was never kind
---
That night
Maya sat alone with the notebook Dira gave her
The pages smelled like old regrets and ink that never dried properly
There were poems
fragments
dates with circles
drawings of her eyes
words that didn't rhyme but still hurt
And a letter
To the woman I left because I loved too much
and feared I would ruin
To the woman who stayed longer than she should have
and still found grace in her own loneliness
To the woman who made me believe I could be more
before I was ready to become it
I'm sorry
I didn't stay
I didn't fight
I didn't trust you enough to let you love the mess I was
But I'm here now
not to ask for the past back
but to stand beside your present
however painful
however distant
If you let me
Maya read the last word
again and again
If
And somewhere deep in her chest
that word
felt heavier than a promise
because it left the decision in her hands
not his
And that
was the cruelest kindness he'd ever given her
Maya didn't reply to either of them for days
She let the messages sit unread
let the quietness between her and both men stretch into something uncomfortable
Not because she didn't care
But because she was afraid of what her answer would destroy
Some days she wanted Dira
the history
the ache
the kind of love that knew her at her worst and still stayed
Other days
she wanted Kayla
the safety
the gentle hands
the presence that never made her feel like she was too much
But most days
she didn't know what she wanted
And that confused her more than anything
---
Dira came again
He didn't knock
Just waited outside until she came out
This time he didn't say anything
Just walked beside her
matching her steps
"Are we going somewhere?" she asked
"I just wanted to walk" he said
"To see the places we used to pretend we belonged in"
She said nothing
But kept walking
They passed the café where they had their first argument
The bookstore where he kissed her between poetry shelves
The bench where they sat the day he told her he loved her the first time
The city hadn't changed
But they had
And now everything looked familiar
and foreign all at once
"You never asked about him" she said quietly
"I didn't want to ask something I wasn't brave enough to hear the answer to"
"You used to ask about everything"
"I used to think I had all the time in the world"
She stopped walking
turned to face him
"But you left"
"I know"
"You didn't even say goodbye properly"
He looked at her
and for once
didn't look away
"I was afraid if I saw your face
I'd never go
and I thought leaving was saving you"
"Don't ever make that choice for me again"
"I won't" he said
"I'll wait for you to choose
even if it means you don't choose me"
That silence after
was heavier than anything he could've said
---
Later that night
Maya stood in the hallway outside Kayla's apartment
She held her breath before knocking
When he opened the door
he smiled like someone who already knew the outcome
"You look tired" he said
"I'm sorry I've been distant"
"You were never mine to hold that tightly"
She stepped in
let the door close behind her
"I need to tell you something"
He waited
"I don't know if I'll go back to him
But I know my heart still flinches when I hear his name
And that's not fair to you"
Kayla looked at her for a long time
Then he nodded
slowly
"Thank you for telling me before you let me fall deeper"
Maya's eyes burned
She hated this part
The hurting of someone good
"I never meant to use you as a way to forget"
"You didn't" he said
"You were just trying to breathe"
She looked down
"Then why does it still feel like I failed you?"
He reached out
touched her hand
gently
"Because you're kind
Even when you're hurting people without meaning to"
He leaned in
kissed her forehead
and whispered
"You don't owe me anything
But I hope one day someone looks at you
the way you're still trying not to look at him"
She blinked fast
nodded
and stepped back
"I don't deserve you"
He smiled
"No
But I still loved you anyway"
---
Maya walked home in the rain
No umbrella
No plan
Just the weight of letting go of someone who had been soft when the world was loud
She didn't call Dira that night
She didn't answer his message either
She just sat by the window
hugging her knees
and letting her heart be quiet for a moment
Because now
finally
there was only her
No one to please
No one to choose
Just the ache of honesty
and the beginning of something not yet named
---
The rain didn't stop that night
It fell like quiet grief
washing over the windows
the streets
her skin
Maya stood in her kitchen
barefoot
in a shirt too big for her
holding a mug of tea she wasn't drinking
The apartment felt emptier than usual
and maybe that was her fault
for loving people without preparing them for the ways she breaks
She pulled out the notebook Dira gave her
again
Flipped to a page she hadn't read before
and found a sentence underlined twice
"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is not go back."
She didn't cry
Not this time
She was too tired for that
Instead
she sat down
pen in hand
and for the first time in months
she wrote back
---
To the man who left
You once said you were saving me from yourself
But maybe you were only saving yourself from seeing me fall apart
and realizing it was because of you
I waited
Longer than I should have
Forgave you in the dark
Wore your name like a secret
But you left me with questions
with years full of silence
and a version of myself I barely recognized
And now you're back
With words
Memories
Hope
But I'm no longer the girl who lived for your voice
I've held my own breath for too long
to let it go now just because you remembered how it once sounded in my lungs
So here's my truth:
I don't know if I still love you
But I know I loved you enough
to let go of the version of us that didn't survive
And maybe
just maybe
that's the only kind of goodbye that matters
---
She closed the notebook
left it on the table
and finally let herself rest
Not as someone's ex
Not as someone's almost
Just as herself
And that
was the beginning of everything
---