Wednesday morning brought with it the kind of dread usually reserved for dental appointments and tax audits. Kenji had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to investigate a school nurse who apparently found him attractive without ending up on a registry somewhere.
The solution came to him during homeroom when he overheard two students discussing their upcoming health examinations.
"I hate getting weighed at school," one girl was complaining. "So embarrassing."
"At least Nurse Yamada is nice," her friend replied. "She makes everyone feel comfortable."
Kenji raised his hand. "Excuse me, but what health examinations?"
The teacher looked at him with surprise. "Oh, that's right, Takahashi-kun, you're a transfer student. All third-year students need to complete their annual health check this week. You should have received a form yesterday."
"I... must have missed it."
"No problem! Just stop by the nurse's office during lunch break. Nurse Yamada will take care of you."
Perfect. A legitimate reason to visit the nurse's office that didn't involve fabricating an illness or injury. Kenji almost felt like a competent spy again.
The morning passed in its usual surreal fashion. During English class, Agent Sato managed to make eye contact with him and subtly mouth "good luck" while explaining past perfect tense to the class. In mathematics, he found himself helping several classmates with problems that he remembered from his own high school experience two decades ago. During PE, he continued to dominate volleyball practice in a way that made his teammates treat him like some kind of athletic prodigy.
"Takahashi-senpai," Kimura approached him after they'd finished running drills, "I wanted to ask you something."
"Sure."
"Do you have any advice for dealing with pressure? Like, tournament pressure?"
Kenji, who had dealt with the pressure of life-or-death situations on multiple continents, considered the question. "I think the key is remembering that pressure is just excitement with a different label. The physical feelings are the same—increased heart rate, heightened awareness. It's how you interpret those feelings that matters."
"Wow. That's really deep, senpai."
"Just something I picked up somewhere."
"You talk like someone who's been through real challenges. Like, serious stuff."
"Everyone faces challenges," Kenji replied diplomatically.
"Yeah, but most people our age haven't figured out how to handle them yet. You seem like you've got it all figured out."
"I really don't."
"That's what makes you so cool, though. You're humble about it."
Kenji excused himself before the conversation could get any more uncomfortable.
Lunch break arrived with the inevitability of fate. Kenji made his way through the hallways toward the nurse's office, passing students who waved and called out greetings like he'd been part of their social ecosystem for years rather than days.
The nurse's office was located on the first floor, next to the faculty room. Kenji knocked on the door, trying to project the nervous energy of a seventeen-year-old getting a health check rather than a forty-year-old government agent conducting an investigation.
"Come in!" called a cheerful voice from inside.
Nurse Yamada was younger than he'd expected, probably in her mid-twenties, with the kind of professional demeanor that suggested she genuinely cared about student health. She was also, unfortunately, quite attractive in a way that made the whole situation even more uncomfortable.
"You must be Takahashi-kun!" she said brightly, looking up from her paperwork. "The transfer student! I've been hoping you'd stop by."
"For the health examination," Kenji clarified quickly.
"Of course! Please, have a seat." She gestured to a chair next to her desk. "I have to say, you're quite mature-looking for a high school student. Very... distinguished."
Warning bells went off in Kenji's head. "Thank you?"
"I mean it as a compliment! Most boys your age are still so boyish, but you have this presence about you. Very attractive."
Kenji felt sweat forming on his forehead. "I should probably mention that I'm very focused on my studies right now. Not really interested in... anything else."
"How admirable! A serious student. I like that." She pulled out a clipboard with forms. "Now, let's get started with your examination."
As she began asking routine health questions, Kenji tried to subtly survey the office for any signs of pudding-related conspiracy. There were the usual medical supplies, health posters about proper nutrition, and... was that an unusual number of containers in the supply cabinet?
"Any history of allergies?" Nurse Yamada asked.
"No allergies," Kenji replied, craning his neck to get a better look at the cabinet.
"Family history of diabetes?"
"No diabetes." The containers definitely looked like they could hold pudding ingredients.
"Are you looking at something?" she asked, following his gaze.
"Oh, just... curious about all the supplies you keep here. Very organized."
"Thank you! I do pride myself on being well-stocked. You never know when students might need... special care."
Something about the way she said "special care" made Kenji's investigative instincts tingle.
"What kind of special care?"
"Oh, you know. Sometimes students get stressed about exams, social situations. I like to have things on hand to help them feel better."
"What kinds of things?"
She smiled mysteriously. "Special treats. Comfort foods. Things that boost morale."
"Like what?"
"Well," she leaned closer, and Kenji caught a whiff of what smelled distinctly like vanilla pudding, "I've been experimenting with some recipes lately. Desserts that help students focus and feel more positive about school."
Bingo.
"That sounds interesting," Kenji said, trying to maintain his cover while gathering intelligence. "What kinds of desserts?"
"Mostly puddings, actually. They're very popular with students. Easy to digest, comforting, and I can add... special ingredients."
"Special ingredients?"
"Vitamins, minerals, things that support cognitive function." She paused. "Would you like to try some? I have a fresh batch in the refrigerator."
This was either a breakthrough in the investigation or a trap. Possibly both. "Sure, I'd love to try some."
Nurse Yamada practically glowed with excitement. "Wonderful! I've been hoping to find a student mature enough to appreciate quality desserts. Most of the boys your age only care about junk food."
She moved to a small refrigerator in the corner and pulled out several containers of pudding in various flavors. Kenji noted that they were all labeled with what appeared to be code names: "Formula 7," "Batch 15-C," "Project Vanilla."
"This one is my latest creation," she said, handing him a small cup of chocolate pudding. "It's supposed to enhance... clarity of thought."
Kenji accepted the pudding cautiously. As a trained agent, he'd built up immunity to various drugs and toxins, but he had no idea what "enhanced clarity of thought" might entail in the context of a pudding conspiracy.
"It's very good," he said after taking a small spoonful. And it was—creamy, rich, with a subtle complexity that suggested professional-level pastry skills.
"I'm so glad you like it! You have such sophisticated taste. Most students your age can't appreciate the nuances."
"It's definitely more complex than regular pudding."
"Exactly! That's because of the special imported ingredients. Very expensive, but worth it for the right audience."
"What kind of imported ingredients?"
"Oh, various gelling agents, flavor enhancers, texture modifiers. All completely natural, of course."
As she spoke, Kenji noticed a shipping manifest partially visible under some papers on her desk. He could make out fragments: "...Gellan Gum Industries..." "...International Dessert Consortium..." "...Phase 2 Implementation..."
"You seem very passionate about pudding," he observed.
"It's more than just pudding, Takahashi-kun. It's about creating experiences. Helping people feel better about themselves and their situation. Don't you think food can be transformative?"
"Absolutely," Kenji agreed, though he was starting to suspect that "transformative" might be literal in this case.
"I'm so happy to meet someone who understands! Most people think I'm just the school nurse, but I'm working on something much bigger. Something that could change how students experience education entirely."
"That sounds ambitious."
"It is! And I think... well, I hope you'll want to be part of it."
Kenji felt his cover identity and his actual mission colliding in uncomfortable ways. "Part of it how?"
"I've been looking for student volunteers to help with my research. Someone mature, sophisticated, who can provide meaningful feedback. Someone like you."
Before Kenji could respond, there was a knock on the door.
"Nurse Yamada?" Agent Sato's voice called from outside. "I wanted to discuss one of my students' health needs."
"Of course, Sato-sensei! Come in!"
Agent Sato entered the office and immediately took in the scene: Kenji sitting next to Nurse Yamada's desk with a cup of pudding, several other pudding containers visible, and what was clearly a very cozy atmosphere.
"Am I interrupting something?" Sato asked with barely concealed panic.
"Not at all! I was just conducting Takahashi-kun's health examination and letting him sample some of my special puddings."
"Your special puddings."
"Yes! I was telling him about my research project. He's been so interested and supportive."
Sato's eyes met Kenji's with an expression that clearly said, "What the hell is happening here?"
"Well," Sato said carefully, "I should let you finish your examination. Takahashi-kun, don't forget you have volleyball practice after school."
"Right. Volleyball practice. With the team. Of teenage boys my own age."
"Exactly."
"I should probably get going," Kenji said, standing up. "Thank you for the pudding, Nurse Yamada. It was very... educational."
"Please, call me Yuki! And I do hope you'll consider helping with my research project. I think we could accomplish great things together."
"I'll definitely think about it."
As they left the nurse's office, Agent Sato grabbed Kenji's arm and steered him toward an empty classroom.
"Okay," she said once they were alone, "what did you learn?"
"The pudding conspiracy is definitely real. She's making experimental puddings with special ingredients, she has shipping manifests from something called the International Dessert Consortium, and she wants me to volunteer for her research project."
"And she's flirting with you."
"That part is not relevant to the investigation."
"It's relevant to your survival. This woman thinks you're a seventeen-year-old student and she's a twenty-six-year-old adult. If anyone finds out about this supposed romance, you're going to have bigger problems than blown cover."
"There's no romance!"
"Tell that to the woman who just asked you to call her by her first name and invited you to work on a private project with her."
Kenji rubbed his temples. "This mission is a nightmare."
"It's about to get worse. The drama club moved tonight's rehearsal to after volleyball practice. You're going to be here until eight o'clock acting out love scenes with teenagers."
"I hate everything."
"On the bright side, we're making real progress on the investigation."
"Are we?"
"Think about it. We know the nurse is involved, we know she's using imported ingredients, and we know there's some kind of larger organization behind it. We just need to figure out what the end goal is."
"And how do we do that?"
"You're going to have to get closer to Nurse Yamada."
"Absolutely not."
"It's the only way, Kenji. She trusts you, she wants to involve you in her project. You're our best chance of uncovering the full scope of the conspiracy."
"I'm not going to flirt with a woman who thinks I'm seventeen years old."
"You don't have to flirt. Just be your usual mature, responsible self. She's already attracted to that."
"That's not better!"
The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch break. Students began streaming back toward their classrooms, chattering about their afternoon classes and after-school activities.
"We'll figure this out," Agent Sato said. "In the meantime, try not to get too involved in any more school activities."
"I'm already Romeo in the school play and the ace player on the volleyball team. How much more involved could I get?"
"Don't tempt fate."
As they walked back toward their respective responsibilities—Sato to teach English to actual teenagers, Kenji to pretend to be a teenager learning English—Kenji reflected on how thoroughly his life had derailed from anything resembling normal.
Two days ago, his biggest concern had been whether he was too old for undercover work. Now he was worried about accidentally dating a school nurse while investigating a pudding conspiracy and preparing to perform Shakespeare with children.
His phone buzzed with a text from an unknown number: "This is Yuki (Nurse Yamada)! I got your number from your student file. I've been thinking about our conversation and I have some ideas for the research project. Would you like to meet after school to discuss? (◕‿◕)"
Kenji stared at the message, complete with emoticon, and wondered if it was too late to request a transfer to a war zone. War zones were simpler. People shot at you, but at least they didn't try to feed you experimental pudding while batting their eyelashes.
He texted back: "Can't today. Volleyball practice and drama rehearsal."
The response came immediately: "So busy! So dedicated! That's what I admire about you. How about tomorrow? I promise it will be worth your time! (´∀｀)♡"
Another emoticon. This one with a heart.
Kenji showed the phone to Agent Sato, who had stopped to wait for him.
"You're doomed," she said cheerfully.
"Thank you for your support."
"What are you going to do?"
"Investigate the pudding conspiracy, perform Romeo and Juliet, win the volleyball tournament, and try not to get arrested."
"Sounds like a typical Wednesday."
"This is not typical for anyone, anywhere, ever."
"Welcome to undercover work in the modern age. Nothing makes sense anymore."
As they parted ways—Sato heading to the faculty room, Kenji toward his afternoon classes—Kenji caught a glimpse of himself in a hallway mirror. Forty years old, in a high school uniform, carrying volleyball gear and a Shakespeare script, with a phone full of messages from a lovestruck school nurse.
His reflection looked as confused as he felt.