Remaining Days: 3
When I wake up, Saber is fast asleep next to me. I feel angry. But not just that, I also feel hurt and disappointed. I spent the last night, at least the long time I was awake, worrying about this girl and here she is, as if nothing happened. As if she did not just disappear for the whole day. I am slowly growing sick of this situation, it just cannot go on like this.
I need to take action.
The first thing that comes to my mind is going to the chapel—an Alteration of the Soul means sharing memories, which may in fact be memories that could help mediate between us. Hopefully, at least. I shake Saber awake, who merely grumbles at me. Fine, I think. I wait for her to get dressed, not that it takes long, then I pull her to the chapel.
"Where're we going?" She asks, drowsily and for a moment I think if I should even answer her. After all, she left me hanging yesterday. But I am not someone to really hold a grudge, I think, so I decide to tell her.
"To the chapel, we should do an Alteration of the Soul." My answer is short, but there is no more complaint. I may be imagining it, but I feel like there is a bit more resistance and I need more force to pull Saber behind me, but that will not help her. We need to do this so we will.
Aoko and Touko do not ask much, they seem very skilled at reading moods for NPCs. Without further ado, they start the Alteration of the Soul, and my vision fades to black for a short while. Then, like I am opening my eyes, I am inside of Saber's mind. This can't be…
As soon as my mind shows me the memories of Saber I am supposed to relive now, I wish I would not have dragged her here. Especially because this memory link also conveys emotions and because Saber will see my version of this memory.
And here I am, looking into my own eyes, feeling my own lips on Saber's, as if I was kissing myself. This is how kissing me feels like, huh? As weird as this feels for me, Saber's emotions are stronger. It reminds me of what I feel when kissing or touching her, this warm, fuzzy feeling in my lower stomach. She feels the same after all.
Then I feel my mouth forcefully yet gently opened, and a tongue sloppily sliding inside. I need to practise kissing like this… But even though for me it feels so embarrassing and bad, compared to how Saber kissed me, it seems that she instead enjoyed it. A lot . At least, that is what this link conveys to me.
I can feel goosebumps spreading over my—or rather, Saber's—whole skin upon feeling the warm hand that is my own softly, barely noticeable, sliding over my belly. This just makes the fuzzy feeling spread more throughout this body. It feels weird, and somewhat scary, very unlike how I felt in that moment. I had felt a desire to touch Saber more fuelled with every touch, but for her it feels different—slightly uncomfortable.
I really messed up.
But not completely uncomfortable. I cannot really make sense of this—I wonder if Saber can—but it feels at least as good as it feels uncomfortable.
Suddenly, my vision goes over black back to normal.
"That's it," says Aoko, ending the link established through the Alteration of the Soul. I do not dare to look at Saber, but I am sure we both must have a tomato face.
"What did you see," jokes Aoko, "How your partner slept with their lover?" If only she knew how close to the truth she is. But I would rather keep this to myself, and Saber. Would lover not mean we love each other? I am not sure how that would feel, or if I have these kinds of feelings for Saber. Or, if she would return those feelings.
I shake my head in reply, because if I tried to talk now, I am sure I would stutter. And that would give any lie away just so much more. "Let's get the second Trigger," Saber suggests, effectively saving us from this mess of a situation. I feel like talking to her just became even harder.
I follow her to the Arena after thanking Aoko and Touko for their help, even though this is probably silly—thanking NPCs. This is what they are here for, after all. Though they seem more alive than most other NPCs, but with my limited knowledge of the Moon Cell it probably just seems like this to me.
𖦹𖦹𖦹
In the Arena, I activate the invisible(SELF, SABER); Code Cast to make sure not to run into Lil' Ronnie, her Servant or any possible attacks or traps of them. I feel like—a coward doing this, but I cannot help it—meeting them could be very well lethal, I cannot really expect Ronnie to wait for the Elimination Battle to bite my head off. Better safe than sorry.
Due to being ignored by Enemy Programs, it would not take us long to collect the second Trigger, but this time Saber attacks some of them. Of course, she has not fought all this Round and fighting is almost a core part of her personality. It slows us down, but it is also a way for her to clear her head, I think, so I just let her.
Finally, we make it to the Trigger Code Theta–+so we are qualified to fight the match this week, thankfully. Now that this matter is out of the way, there is nothing else I could use to procrastinate.
"Saber," I begin, "We need to talk." Saber seems tense after that and I can see she is about to shrug it off. "No, we have to. We'll talk as soon as we're back in our room." We do not talk all the way, but that is nothing special this week, sadly.
However, it feels worse. Because now it is not only uncertainty, but the certainty that we will talk in just a few minutes. I will get to know if Saber hates me and I will have to face any consequence, and my weird feelings for her.
As soon as I closed the door of the room behind me, I take a deep breath. Let's go, I tell myself inwardly. "I'm sorry," I tell Saber. "I went too far last week. I know we didn't want to talk about this again but… I can't. You're important to me and I can't stand this. I need you, Saber, and it hurts me not to be able to talk to you." Or hold you, I add in my mind.
Saber seems surprised at my sudden outburst, and at that second, I notice I started crying. But I could not care less about that now, I just want my dear Saber back.
"Yeah… well… Same," Saber stutters. I am not sure if I can believe my ears, I need clarification.
"Same?" Saber bites her bottom lip before going on—seems like this is hard for her.
"I miss you, too. I… overreacted, I think. It wasn't that bad," she says, but looks to the side to avoid facing me. "In fact, I enjoyed it," she adds under her breath, but loud enough that I could hear it.
"Me, too. Then why—" But before I can finish my question as to why it had to end up this awkward, Saber bursts out.
"I don't know! You saw it, didn't you? My… memories. It felt weird, I just dunno!"
That is… understandable. But now that we are talking about this, I feel we cannot leave it at this. Risking another rejecting, I pull Saber close to me. "I want you, by my side… Always and forever," I whisper into her ear.
"I'd like that," she whispers back. This just throws up a very important question, and while it is probably a strange thing to ask, I need to know.
"Are we… in love ?"