(Alys Prov)
I don't want to.
I was left there with my mind bleeding. Lose him forever? Isn't that what happened when he left me before? What was the last time? Lose him temporarily and then have him once again the moment I got my life back? What am I? Just a toy to be picked up once things are fixed? Am I not human? Don't I have any feelings that are hurt?
I sat in front of my car and cried silently. Damn. Is it always like this? Will I just cry and cry?
I waited for Drake to leave but he was still there. Will he not stop me until I cry?!
I walked up to him and knocked on his window. "Leave me alone."
"Go in your car. It's dark already."
"Don't touch me! I'm not your girlfriend, okay?! You have no responsibility for me!"
He nodded and then ignited his car. "Fine, Alys. Push me away until I really give up."
And then really, he left me. And damn, I think it's for good.
I just sat down and cried. All those people staring at me like I'm crazy. Yes, I think I'm going crazy. I freaking received two proposals in one day! And I don't think I can answer them both! Damn they wanna marry me for all the wrong reasons. What am I to them both? A prize in their game to boost their pride?
"Damn this life," I said while walking back to my car.
I went straight home and didn't talk to anyone. It's been a long day. I just want to sleep and forget everything. I feel so bad...
I didn't like all of this. God knows I just want to be happy. I want me to be happy, I want Tripp to be happy, and I certainly want Drake to be happy... but why does it seem so hard to achieve what I want? Is it that impossible to be happy without the expense of hurting anyone? Is my dream so far fetched?
I stared at the ceiling, wondering why my life has been like this. Has been... this wrecked.
Maybe because I've been damn too selfish. Drake is right, I'm all I think about. But can he blame me? He hurt me too much! Too damn much that I can't even bear thinking about his pain because my own pain was too much for me to handle. The pain he gave me was too much... I can't even bear thinking about how he felt.
And Tripp... God, Tripp! I've given you my time and devotion. Are two years not enough? I've been nursing this relationship but you're still not satisfied. Can't you see how much I've given? Two years, Tripp. Two years aren't just two days.
I was in the middle of crying when my Mom entered my room.
"Alys!" she said the moment she saw my tear-stained face. She came near me and enveloped me in a hug. I cried in her arms. I don't want it, Mommy...
It's so hard... It hurts so much... "Oh, my baby..." she said as she cooed me.
"Mom... it hurts so much..."
"Ssh, baby. Everything will be fine, all right?"
How I wish, mommy. I hope in a snap of a finger, everything will be okay. I hope we'll be okay because damn, it's so hard like this. It's like we're playing a game even though we know that in the end, someone will still lose. We're staking our all, our everything...
She hugged me and whispered comforting words. I wish I could just stay here and be with my mom. I don't want to go outside and face the world. Call me coward but it just hurts too damn much. I care for them both... and seeing them do this to me hurts me way more.
"What happened, Alys?" she asked me.
"Mom..." I trailed off. I didn't even know where I'd start. I didn't even know how to tell it. In any way, I know some will look bad, some will look selfish. Why love like this? Someone always gets hurt.
She caressed my hair and told me, "Is this about the cousins?"
I nodded.
"Oh, baby. Just follow your heart. It's love, it's gamble. Some will be hurt and some will be hurt, Alys. You have to make your choice, place your bet because if not, you're gonna lose them both and hurt them both..."
Tears came down running. Was it too much for wanting not to hurt anyone?
"I can't. I just can't."
She smiled down at me and cupped my face. "It's a big world you're living in, honey. Be brave or lose it all."
Mom kissed my forehead and tucked me into bed. I didn't choose... The stake was just too high.
The night passed by a blur. I woke up with my heart feeling crushed and pounded. Pictures of Tripp being mad and Drake shouting and cussing embraced my morning.
"Morning," my brother greeted me. "There's Tripp and Drake."
"W-what?"
He pointed to the receiving room. "They were there earlier."
I went to the sink and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. Here it was, again. Will I cry again? Now it's time? Can't we take a time-out first? Rest first? My heart hurts so much.
I just crawled into the living room. I didn't want to face them. The pain yesterday was already destroying everything I've got. What else do they want? Did they really think I'll choose?
"Alys..." they both said.
I took a deep breath and then raised my hand. "You two... just stop. Give me a break."
And then I caught a glimpse of Tripp's face. He had a cut on his lip and a fresh bruise on his face. "Tripp!" I immediately went near him and nursed his face. "What happened to you?" I asked him worriedly. I caught him looking at Drake and smirking at him. damn Am I really a competition with the two of them?
He placed his hand on top of mine and held it. "I'm just protecting what's mine," he said while looking at Drake.
I looked at Drake who was staring at me with intensity. Drake... you're just too stubborn for your own good. "What are you doing here?"
He was staring at me like... like he's emotionless. Those pair of cold eyes piercing into my very soul. Shit, Drake. Why do I feel like I'm killing you right now?
"I just wonder how it would feel like... you attending to him when I'm just as equally hurt," he said and then continued looking stoic. "I thought it would hurt like hell. But Alys, I feel nothing. You made me numb."
I felt like a glass shattering. It felt surreal... the pain felt surreal. It's too much.
Tripp's hold tightened, as if he was preventing me from feeling anything I could possibly feel. Why, Tripp? He's your cousin and we're destroying everything that's left of him! No!! Can't we just please, just this once, understand that more than us, he's hurting.
"Don't, Alys..." he whispered. I was about to go to Drake but he trapped me in his arms. "Stay here with me, please."
I looked at him, begging that even now he would let me. All these years he was the only one I remembered. His feelings, his... God, he's been always my top priority. Right now. Tripp. Seeing him slowly breaking was killing me.
"Tripp..." I said with my voice breaking.
He shook his head. "Even now, show him that I'm the priority, Alys. My whole life I've always been second. Right now, oh. Even now, I wish I could be first. I wish my feelings would be first."
I bit my lip to prevent the sob from escaping my lips. What have become of my life? I'm really torn. I didn't wish for any of this... it's so hard knowing that no matter what you choose, one of them will get hurt. Their bet was on me... and they've risked everything and yet here I am, still on the verge of just turning my back and walking away, regret on the plate.
Drake was still staring without any hint of emotion. He's like a broken toy. We've broken him.
I knew we did but now? Now... he's like beyond repair.
"Tripp, you always come first to me, don't you?" I held his hand. "Just now, oh. Please, I'll just talk to Drake..." I pleaded and pleaded.
His grip tightened and his jaw clenched.
"Alys I know you love me," he said and then closed his eyes. A tear escaped and fell. Damn, Tripp. "Shit I also know you still love Drake..." His voice broke and he's crying really hard. "But Alys, please show me that you love me more. It's okay with me that you love both of us, eh... But please, please just let me be. Even just a little. Even just a little.'
I was there, literally watching two men cry because of me. It wasn't anything fairytale like. Damn this was torture.
"Alys..." Tripp said and then enclosed my hands inside his. "Please, me too."
Drake finally snapped out of his reverie. He looked at me and then smiled. "I can't do this anymore, Alys. I give up."
And then he turned his back on us... for good.