( Alys Prov)
There was blood. And there was...
"Tripp?"
No, Alys. No, please don't cry. Fuck no.
"Tripp? Tripp?"
Oh, Jesus! Why was there blood everywhere?
I tapped his blood covered face. He was hugging me and his eyes were closed. Tripp, eh...
"Tripp? Tripp, it's not like that..."
I bit my lips hard and then suppressed my tears. Tripp, it's not like that... 'Don't leave me now. I don't want to. Go ahead and leave, but don't do this. 'Don't do this, please.
I looked around.
"T-help me..."
I tried to shout but I just couldn't. Tears were strimming down my face. I closed my eyes. No. I just can't look at his face. Tripp, you can't leave me. You fucking moron. You didn't even say goodbye? No. You can't die. Damn you, it's not possible yet.
Slowly, I succumbed to the pain. I looked at him before closing my eyes. I don't know what but I swear I saw him look at me and smile.
He smiled at me while the blood on his head was flowing.
"I-I really love you."
My body was hurting everywhere. My head was throbbing in pain. It was hard breathing.
The moment I opened my eyes, I saw my parents looking at me worriedly.
"Alys!" my Mom exclaimed when she saw me open my eyes. She came closer to me but she didn't come near me, as if she was afraid to approach me because she would hurt me. "A-are you fine? Does it hurt? Tell me, okay? Mom will take care of you," she said and then she started bursting into tears.
Right at that moment, my head was spinning. I don't know what to say. My throat
felt dry, my body was hurting, I cannot move my legs, and there was a cast on my arms. Every breath I take was torture.
I tried to open my mouth but I can't say a thing.
My Mom placed her hand on her mouth to prevent another sob from escaping her lips.
"Alys, baby, don't talk for the m-mean time, okay?" she said and then carefully, she went near me and kissed my forehead. "You're injured. Get well first, please. We will tell you everything once you feel better so please cooperate... Please, baby?"
I don't know but I just found myself nodding. My tears were flowing freely. I cannot speak... and I was thankful. I guess I wasn't ready to ask.
Was Tripp okay?
Was he... was he alive?
I can't ask. I can't hear the answer.
Memories of us inside a wrecked car came flooding my mind. He was there, enveloping me in a hug while all was being blurry. There was a speeding car and it was too late to step on the brake. There were flashing lights. And then I remembered Tripp hugging me.
And then there was blood everywhere.
And then...
I tried to stand up. I want to see Tripp.
"M-om..." I said even though it was hard to speak. "T-Tripp..."
Suddenly, she started crying.
"Alys, don't do it now, okay?"
"T-Tripp..."
Please, mom. I just want to see Tripp. Promise me I'll be a good child, just show me Tripp. Even if it's just for a second. Even if it's just for a moment...
She was crying and Dad was consoling her. I want to stand up. I want to go to Tripp but my body won't allow me.
I was crying so hard when the doctors came in.
I-I just want Tripp... Promise I won't cry anymore, just show me Tripp.
"D-Doc, can you put Alys to sleep?" my Dad asked the doctor.
My Dad rarely cries. Just now. Why is he crying? Tripp isn't dead, right?
I looked around the room. They were all looking at me with pity. Fuck it, I don't feel sorry! I just needed to see Tripp, okay?
My heart was beating so fast as the doctor approached me.
"Ssh, Ms. Perez. Sleep now..."
And that was the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes yet again.
The days passed by and it was only getting worse and worse. I wanted to see Tripp! I didn't care about flowers, food, stuffed toys! If I could just yell at them one by one, I would have done it.
My Mom was just telling me random stuff. I hate it.
My Dad was telling me everything will be okay. He's a liar.
And Drake?
I didn't want to see him.
"Baby, Drake is here, we'll leave you alone, okay?" my Mom said. She looked at me and smiled. She kissed my forehead before leaving me with Drake.
I looked at him. I couldn't feel anything at all. Is that possible? You can't feel anything because of the pain. I tried to be angry with him but I really couldn't feel anything. I can't be angry. I can't be hurt. I just want to rest...
"Alys..." he said.
I opened my mouth to speak. I can speak. It's been more than a week, being here in the hospital. I'm just quiet, I don't want to speak. Sometimes, I would pretend to be dead. It's like it's better. It's tiring to be alive. I never thought I'd get to this point. Suicidal thoughts? Sometimes I think about that. But I couldn't die just yet... I need to see Tripp first. Tripp they're making fun of me for.
"What?" I said, not looking at him.
"You wanna eat?" he said and then showed me the paper bag he was holding.
I looked at him one more time. Not really. All I gave was love but he gave me heartaches in return.
Enough is enough. It hurts. That's enough.
"Take me to Tripp," I said.
"Alys..." he said.
"Take me to Tripp. ARE YOU DEAF?!"
I didn't mean to shout at him but I was so desperate... I just wanted to see Tripp, make sure he was okay. He couldn't die. He would still help me, right?
He said I was his soulmate... Isn't it true that when you're a soulmate, you shouldn't leave anyone behind?
He came over to me and sat on the chair beside my bed. He was looking at me, dark circles surrounding his eyes. I wasn't stupid. I knew he was watching over me while I was in the hospital. But I really have no worries. Sometimes, love will destroy every good thing you have in you. Sometimes, all that's left is bad.
They say that being in love is a splendid thing but I say otherwise. Being in love means gambling everything you have. Sometimes you will win, sometimes you will lose. And when you lose, every damn thing will hurt. And when worse comes to worst, your reason for living will slowly fade... until the only thing that will keep your heart beating will be hurt. And pain. And more hurting.
"Drake, please. Even if it's just for 10 seconds. I just want to see Tripp..."
"Alys, I wish I could but-"
"You wish you could but you can't? Just for once, have some self-confidence, Drake! Drake, you're a grown-up man. Man up, please! You got Fier pregnant, take goddamn responsibility! Do you know how hard it is for me to follow her for you? Why? Because I know you've been through too much.
"Okay, Alys, you can do it. You're the one who swallowed your pride for Drake... Fuck. I guess that's my mantra for you. It's okay. No,
Drake, I'm not blaming you. I'm just letting out my anger. The pain is so bad..."
I was clutching to my chest. My heart hurts from too much pain. My eyes were tired from too much crying.
He was silent. He couldn't even look at me.
I sobbed silently. That's enough, Alys. It's no use either.
"Take me to Tripp. Please, Drake. Have mercy. I'm going crazy if I don't see Tripp yet."
He slowly nodded and then went outside to get a wheelchair for me. With every distance spent. my chest pounded harder. Please don't go to the morgue. Please. I don't know how I'll survive if Tripp is gone...
We stopped in front of the ICU.
"Alys..." he said.
"Please, Drake. I need to see him."
He came in front of me and knelt. He held my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Alys, y-you can't see Tripp."
As I watched Tripp breathing through the apparatuses attached to his body, my heart was slowly sinking. He was there, lying mindlessly-mindless of the people worrying about him.
"W-why?" I asked him while looking at Tripp's sleeping face.
Before he could even answer, a woman suddenly appeared.
"What are you doing here?" her voice was cold and she was staring at me with such vengeance. She, then, looked at Drake. "Get her away. Before I start making a scene."
Drake stood up and then looked at the woman in white. "Alright, auntie." He looked at me. "Alys, let's go."
He started to push the wheelchair but I was adamant. No! I need to talk to Tripp... At least see him...
"Wait, Drake! I need to see him!" I shouted. I was shouting uncontrollably. He was trying to console me but I was inconsolable. Not anymore. My heart felt cold.
He stopped and faced me.
"Listen, Alys, that was Tripp's mom. Please, don't try to visit him... She... she hates you."
My heart broke. If it was even possible because my heart was already broken to begin with. All these years I haven't seen Tripp's mom because she's been away... I didn't know this would be our first meeting. It just hurts to hear that the person you care about hates you. I didn't want that to happen to us... I wish it was just me. I wish it wasn't Tripp... He didn't deserve that...
"B-But... H-I didn't want that to happen to us..."
He nodded and then kissed my hands. "I know.We know."
Tears streamed down my cheeks again. Damn these tears. When will they run out?
"S-say I'm sorry... I'm really sorry."
I was sobbing so damn hard when I felt a stinging sensation on my cheeks.
"Your face is so thick! I left my son alive and then I returned and saw him in a comatose state with multiple internal injuries. Your face is so thick!" she said while trying to push me.
Drake was shielding me from her assaults but I was there, silently accepting them all. It's really my fault... If only I listened to him that night... This wouldn't have happened...
"Sorry..." I said over and over again. "I-I'm sorry... I-I'm not-"
And there was another slap.
"You don't deserve to see my son."
I just couldn't kneel down. If I could, I would. I have no dignity left. I just want to see and apologize to Tripp.
"I-I know... P-but just for a moment?"
She shook her head. "You almost killed him. And you killed your own baby! What kind of mother are you?"
That was the last of it. And I lost it all.
"M-my baby?"
And then memories came flooding back in my mind.
"Alys, are you sure you're alright here?" Drake asked me when he dropped me off at the condo unit. I had already decided to leave their house for now. The situation would only get worse if I was there. Besides, even though I was here, Drake still loved me, I'm sure of that.
I smiled at him and then held his face. "Even though I was here and you were there, I'd still always think of you, right?" I asked him.
He also smiled at me and softly planted a kiss on my lips.
"You know how much I love you, right?"
I nodded. I knew. Even though I was hurting, I knew Drake loved me.
I tiptoed and began kissing him. His hands were at the small of my back and my hands were on his nape. I was nervous. I didn't know what would happen but I couldn't stop.
Before, I didn't know if I could give myself to him while I thought that he and Fier had already done that but I guess with loving comes forgiving. I will also come to a point where I can accept all of Drake's sins and be able to move on.
Maybe this is the time. I knew Drake wasn't perfect but I love him nevertheless.
After kissing me, he looked at my eyes. "Too much, Alys. That's how much I love you.
Instead of answering, I grabbed him and kissed him again... without hesitation, without pulling back, giving my everything to him.
She looked at Drake and I saw the color slowly leaving Drake's face. Soon enough, she left us both. She said, we need to talk.
I don't want to talk. I'm going crazy. Just a little bit.
My lips were trembling as I asked him about the baby.
He took a really deep breath and then closed his eyes. "Alys... you were... you were three weeks pregnant and you had a miscarriage."
My knees were weak but I managed to stand up and slapped him.
"I hate you."
And then I called for the nurses while shouting hysterically.
This was the sign. I need to let go. Too much pain was killing me slowly. I don't want anymore. That's right.