( Alys Prov)
All of a sudden, one of Fier's brothers suddenly laughed. It was a mocking laugh, I was certain of that. Even though I was hurt, I tried to ignore it. What is the use of pride in this time? Right, my priority was to keep Fier in the country so screw pride.
Sometimes, people choose pride over what's really essential. That's just a foolish decision pretending to be something wise. So yeah, right now you would feel good because you satiated whatever your ego tells you what's good but give it some time, you'd feel something hollow within you. You just let go of something important. And once you let go of that one special thing, there's no assurance that you can chase it back. Because there's this possibility that someone has seen its importance and boy, there's just no turning back in real life.
"Are you crazy?" he asked me. His eyes were scrutinizing and mocking me at the same time. It was degrading, really, but I got to swallow every goddamn pride I had inside my body.
I took a calming breath and shook my head. "I'm serious. Fier can't leave. Please."
I may seem hopeless and pathetic but should I care about that? It was a tug of war between love and obscurity. And honestly, it was insane. I don't even know why I'm doing this but I just had to... It felt like I would lose all my senses if I didn't find a way.
The other brother looked at me and shook his head.
"Chance, I'm the first one inside," he said and then started walking. But then, he stopped for a bit when he passed by me. "Your effort will be wasted, Alys. It's harder than rock," he whispered in my ears and then walked away. His voice sent shivers down my spine. It was frightening enough and him adding on to that made everything just worse. Thank you, Lourd.
Seemed like what I was doing was close to a suicide mission but what the hell. This needed to be done and I'd do it.
"What do I have to do to make you agree?" I asked, half minding that I was actually making a deal with the devil right at this very moment.
He shrugged and then leaned back on his shiny car. His eyes spelled dangerous but it was a game I was willing to play. Anything for Drake right at this very moment.
"Will you be willing to let go of Drake?"
My jaw fell.
"What? No!" I exclaimed. I would do everything but that! God knows how much I had suffered just to get Drake and I to this point. I would do all the stupid things but not leave him. All that separating us would do is make us both sad and desperate. I should know because I have lived the experience.
He, then, shrugged. "Then shut up. You know you're acting like an idiot. My sister was about to leave to give way but you're the one blocking her."
He started walking but I, acting like an idiot again like he said, chased after him.
Those four years were torture enough.
He didn't stop walking. Talking to this man was exhilarating.
"It's the 21st century, Miss. My nephew will live even if your husband doesn't show up," he said and then left me for good.
I watched him walk away, unable to do anything at all. Maybe he was right that Fier would be fine even without Drake. But what about Drake? I don't know if I can ever get him back to the way he was. He's too broken now. God, I just hope he wasn't too broken to be fixed... My heart would be devastated.
My head hurt even more when I heard from him. He seemed determined to help Fier leave the country.
Looking at him and how the Sandovals carry themselves, I knew I would have a hard time finding Fier once he decided not to show up.
My life was such a pool of mess.
I turned around and started walking back to my car. This won't do. I need to find a way.
I drove back to Drake's office since I figured he wasn't home right now. It's been weird since Fier had decided to take away his rights as the father of the child. He spends more time working. Sometimes he forgets to eat. Could they blame me if I was exerting this much effort? I was hurt by the sight of Drake even though he didn't speak.
I knew he loved the child.
Even though he didn't say it, I could feel it.
Stepping on the grounds of his office, I searched for his presence. I was crossing my fingers, hoping he was there, sitting quietly and reading whatever he was supposed to be reading. It's better than seeing him mope. No. Drake didn't do moping. But I knew him enough to feel him suffering inside.
"Is Drake around?" I asked his secretary. She said yes, so I went inside.
I looked around his place. It looked messy and trashed. He has been spending his nights here. Again.
"Drake?" I called out his name but to no avail. No one answers. I decided to wait on his couch instead. Minutes later, I was so bored that I decided to invade his privacy. We're husband and wife, after all.
My heart was torn into pieces when I saw what was on Drake's laptop.
Pictures of kids. Brochure of nursery school. How to be a good father tabs.
Drake...
Tears unconsciously rolled down my eyes. My heart was hurting and I couldn't stop it. Drake's devastated and it was scaring me.
How many times have I seen Drake hurt but this was the worst blow. Only now is he doing this. Before, he was just quiet and like nothing happened but now? It's as if you could see him slowly crumbling down. It was just too much to bear.
How much of a torture is it to see the man you love slowly fade away? Right in front of you?
I closed his laptop and slowly digested everything. I have to stop Fier. I just needed to. She can't leave.
With trembling hands, I dialed her number.
I've waited and waited for her to pick up my call but she just didn't. Maybe she blocked me in every way possible. Damn it, Fier! Just this once, can you listen?! You are not the only one affected.
Instead, I called her best friend. This was my last straw.
"H-hello? Cristine?" I said, my voice slowly on the verge of breaking.
"Alys! Oh, my god! Are you crying?" she asked.
I shook my head in attempt to convince myself as well that I wasn't crying. It was a stupid move, really. My face was giving it all. I was crying and I didn't have enough to hide it. It was so damn conspicuous.
"Where are you? I'll go see you!" she said in a worried tone.
I stifled my sobs and controlled my breathing. There's no way she should see me like this. Seeing me at my weakest state would only make things worse.
"No, just talk to me here..." I said. "W-how is Fier?" I asked her.
There was a deep breath and then silence. She probably doesn't want to say. And I couldn't blame her exactly. She's her best friend.
"Alys..."
"Cristine, do something, please."
"As much as I want to, I can't, Alys. It's her life. And she's hurt, too."
"But how about Drake?"
The silence was long. None of us wanted to speak. It was like taboo. How was Drake? We could survive, sure, but the memory of him losing his child would forever haunt us. I didn't ask Fier to stay. What I didn't want was for him to leave without the promise of returning back, much more to have Drake know his own blood.
"I don't know, Alys... I care about Drake like you. I talked to Fier, I swear! But she's made up her mind. She was really hurt when Drake chose to leave despite the fact that they were going to have children... It was too much for her..."
I sobbed and sobbed. There was no stopping her.
I bid my goodbye and then sat on the couch.
I slowly arranged his things. I tried to paint a smile on my face but it was just so damn impossible at this moment. It was too messy. He would be even more depressed when surrounded by people like this.
I told his secretary not to let Drake work while he wasn't eating. That man's just too stubborn for his own good.
As I was leaving his office, I bumped into Tripp.
"Zyril?" he asked me, a little confused as to why I was there.
Out of the blue, I hugged him. I don't care if Tito Steve's employees talk about me anymore. Damn, I just needed that hug.
"Are you okay?" His voice was full of urgency and worry. I nodded but he just pursed his lips. "Just go," he said and then led me to the couch in the lobby.
I watched him as he gave the file to the secretary. He said something else but I couldn't hear it. Right now, I just don't want to think. My head hurts really bad.
After a while, he also finished talking to the secretary. He came to me. His face was a painting of heartbreak and hope. God knows how much I want to let go of Tripp but I still can't. Was I being selfish tagging him along? I have been honest with him. It's Drake whom I love but still, I can't leave Tripp. We have been through so much.
He was gone for a second and returned with a bottle of water in his hands.
"Drink," he ordered. I gladly obliged. I also didn't have the strength to argue.
"What's the problem, Alys?" he asked.
I looked at him and tried to stifle my sobs. I don't want to cry here. It's too painful. I don't want them to see me like this.
He took a really deep breath and put his arms around me and led me to the elevator. The silence was enveloping us while we were going down. I was silently sobbing while he was looking away, biting his lips out of sheer frustration.
Wasn't my case just a hopeless one?
We reached the ground floor. Everything was dark.
"You can cry," he said when we got inside his car.
The moment he said that, I let out all my controlled sobs. I was really crying like this in front of Tripp. I don't know but in front of Drake, I can't cry like this. I know he's not used to seeing me like this. I don't want him to see me so broken. I was like this when he left me: a wreck. Tripp saw it all. Drake didn't. I don't.
"Alys, I don't want to know but what? You didn't do anything else if you weren't crying," he said.
I didn't respond because I can't. I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't even compose a coherent sentence.
"It wasn't Drake's fault..." I reasoned out.
He sighed. He was frustrated. Tripp once told me that the only thing that made him sick was seeing me cry. It doesn't matter if it was a cry out of happiness or what. Just shed one tear, it will drive Tripp mad. That's just how concerned he's for me.
"I don't know. My point is, you're crying. Again, Alys! Just keep crying? Is it endless? I know I said that when you're in love, it's okay to cry, to be hurt. But it's also not okay to be stupid. Sorry, but you're being stupid," he said, looking straight at my eyes.
My voice was so weak. I was struggling to explain but all that came out was, "Tripp again..."
He hit the steering wheel out of sheer frustration.
"I don't know about you, Alys. I get it, you love Drake. But to what extent? He loves you, yes. But you're always like this. I've been observing you both, Alys. You do love each other but that love isn't healthy. It's killing both of you."
I tried to smile.
"I really love him..."
It was logical enough for me. I love Drake. Too much.
"And we're married, Tripp..."
He laughed. A mocking one.
""Don't fool me. You and Drake probably fooled Uncle Steve but not me, Alys."
I was looking at him, curious.
"H-ha?" I said, amidst all the crying and sobbing.
He took a deep breath and didn't look at me. Instead, he focused his vision upfront.
"You're not married, Alys. We both know that. You're not legally registered. Getting married is a process. Fuck I know that because I've been preparing to marry you long before all this mess started. Then you two suddenly got married? Are you kidding me?"
He looked at me and all it did was make me break down, crying so hard. "I'll be asking you once again, is this the life you want? With Drake but always crying?"
And that was the biggest question I was about to answer. Was I happy? How can happiness be measured?