Dear diary,
The dumb heroine tried to eat me.
It was obvious she was the heroine from her hair, but her personality gave away her non-heroineness.
"Where did you get a notebook from?" Mia asked, eating an apple.
"I bribed a kid with apples," I grinned, then I turned to the little girl, "Stop chewing on my shirt, shitty heroine!"
"I was doing a goat test!" She answered, almost tearing my shirt. Damn her.
"Miss Raine, refrain from eating his shirts," Ella started, a quiet smile on her face.
"Yeah, they are dirty from the mud he plays in!" Mia smiled at me and, without breaking eye contact, handed over an apple to the heroine.
I turned to the heroine with gritted teeth.
Raine broke the apple in two and handed one half to me.
She is my child!
"Goats like apples, don't they?" Smiling like she was sizing me up.
She is not my child!
But then she grinned at me and bit into the apple.
"I thought you only ate meat," I scoffed, removing a few strands of hair from her face. She was around the same age as my body, but was smaller.
"When you are hungry, everything is meat!" She mumbled and took another bite.
I looked at her and her messy blue hair, which was going haywire.
And she ate the apple so thoroughly that she swallowed the seeds.
"You should not eat apple seeds, they have cyanide." I said, looking at her with bits of apples on her face and clothes.
"Also, clean the food you dropped!" I added, wiping her face with my handkerchief.
"And brush your hair!"
"Young master, you never brush your hair." Mia snickered, and I turned to her and stuck my tongue out.
"I don't matter in the grand scheme of things!" I said, my voice a little pitchy.
"Big words, young master." Ella chuckled.
"You two are so rude! I'll replace you with nicer maids!" I scoffed and glared at them.
"When?" Ella tried to hold her laugh.
"Is it going to be soon?" Mia asked with her hands on her chest.
"I want to be a maid! Can I be one?" Raine asked, hands raised.
"You are going to be my maid, shitty heroine!" I scowled, and the current maids both laughed.
"I'll get books in your stead! At least they are edible!" I said and and Ella rolled her eyes.
"I like books too! They taste good!" The heroine grinned.
"Ew no, they are bitter as fu–" a glare from Ella, "-rniture."
I was scared for my life.
And why is the heroine acting so non-heroiney!
The novel described the heroine as a delicate pearl with a kind heart, but this kid is neither!
I stared at the kid for a long while, and she met my eyes, then we had a staring competition.
She pulled my ears and said, "Do you think ears are tasty?"
"Mine are not shitty heroine," I said covering them.
"Stop calling her that, young master!" Mia said, sighing.
"No–" Another glare from Ella, "–Yes."
I pouted and looked at the girl who was swaying along the carriage, falling asleep.
What a baby!
And like a baby, she fell on me, more precisely onto my shoulder. I wondered how my bones did not hurt her. Heroine magic? Did that even exist anymore?
I looked out of the window.
Sighing.
Was the story changing?
But this kid seems to be an actual kid.
Or was the heroine always like this?
And I don't even remember the novel, guess today would be a system visit.
"Woah, young master is silent, I did not deem that possible!" I'm going to fire Mia for sure.
"I can definitely be silent! I just don't need to be!" I answered, yawning. Damn it, the shitty heroine was rubbing off on me.
I looked at Mia, who was looking out, and then at Ella.
Ella gave me a book—'How to raise cats' where was she getting these books from?
"She is not a cat!" I whined, and without missing a beat, Ella replied, "And you are not a plant."
Touché.
I stared at her and pouted, then looked out of the window. I fell asleep…almost.
Why?
Because the window kept hitting me on the head.
But I did fall asleep, with bruises on my head.
And when I woke up, I was being carried by Ella, she was warm.
In my world, no one ever hugged me.
I might just fall in love with this place.
And she softly placed me on the bed and started to walk away.
I held her hand. "Thank you."
She squeezed my hand. And slowly left.
I stared at the ceiling.
Then at my drawer.
I got up and opened it.
[Hello]
It spoke a little monotone. Was it angry at me?
[Yes, I am]
Sorry, sorry.
Why has the heroine changed?
[Why? She was always like that!]
What do you mean?
[Do you not remember? In 'Love you', Lucas Green took her as a maid]
And.
[Abused her to the point of becoming a saint]
Yeah, I remembered nothing.
I mostly skimmed the story and only read the part with Illaine.
[Regardless, please wear me, please!]
I took the system earring and put it on.
I could see stats.
I was at level four for…plant eating.
Also, why do I crave plants and other things so much?
[You really did not read the book, did you?]
Nope.
[Well, Lucas Green can gain powers from the plants he ate, but if you level up, it could be from anything!]
The fuck am I supposed to do with all this information?
Fight the Demon King?
[No]
I sighed.
[You have to fight the Demon Queen]
I tried to take off the earring.
It latched onto my ear.
[No way am I going back in the drawer!]
Fuck you.
How am I supposed to defeat this queen?
[I don't know, you decide]
I considered tearing off my ear.
The heck are you there for?
[Guidance!]
I'm going to sleep.
[Good night]