Jiang Chen was trying to harvest radishes.
That's all.
Just pull, rinse, done.
A simple life. A humble dream.
Yet here he was, staring at a freshly unearthed radish with a tiny scroll attached to it, tied in pink silk.
He blinked. "Is this… fan mail?"
He unraveled the scroll. Elegant brushwork danced across the parchment.
"May your roots grow deep and your harvest be eternal. We of the Eastern Garden Division kneel before your composting techniques. ~Lady Q."
Jiang Chen clutched his temple. "There's a garden division now?!"
[DING—You have received 130 new cabbage-themed haikus.]Sample:"Beneath Chen's shadow,cabbage blooms like sacred flame—peace within the leaf."
He nearly tore out his hair. But then he remembered—no, no. Hair loss was the first step down the path of true cultivation madness. He must remain calm. Unbothered. Rooted.
"Rooted like a cabbage?" he muttered bitterly.
Behind him, Zhi Rou—who had been quietly sketching his every move—sighed dreamily. "Even his self-deprecation is metaphorical…"
Meanwhile, atop a distant hill.
Rain fell in slow, dignified sheets. Petals drifted through the air like solemn dancers.
A woman in grey stood holding a white parasol, unmoving as the world blurred around her.
Her name was Shi Yuyan. Cultivator. Genius. Legendary recluse.
Her cultivation base? Unknown.
Her background? Mysterious.
Her current obsession?
Cabbage.
Specifically, the man behind the cabbage.
"…He fertilizes with such restraint," she murmured, gazing down toward the misty fields of Jiang Chen's sect. "Not a drop more than the soil requires."
The maid beside her trembled. "E-Elder Sister… is it wise to stare for this long?"
"I calculated the humidity cycles. He emerges at exactly 4:17 each morning to water the southern patch. Precision of this level…" Her voice softened, "...is poetry."
[Shi Yuyan Affection +1: Silent Observation Phase Initiated.]
The maid blinked. "What was that sound?"
Shi Yuyan ignored her. She took a step forward.
"It is time."
Back in Jiang Chen's cabbage domain…
He'd just finished stacking baskets of vegetables when Feng Ziyun came sprinting into the courtyard, eyes wide.
"Master! Emergency!"
"Unless someone's on fire, I don't care."
"There's a woman in the outer fields. She just… stood there. In the rain. For two hours. Then she asked to see your compost pile."
"…What?"
"She said it holds 'divine understanding.'"
"…My compost pile?!"
Jiang Chen threw off his bamboo hat and marched out of the garden like a general going to war—only instead of an army, he had a worn hoe and a growing headache.
Sure enough, there she was.
Shi Yuyan.
Unmoving. Graceful. Eyes sharper than sword steel. Umbrella still delicately perched on her shoulder.
"You…" he pointed with the hoe. "What are you doing in my rot pile?!"
She turned slowly.
"Such humility," she whispered. "Even in your greetings."
[DING—You have gained the title: "Silent Soil Sage." Hidden Fan Club Formed: Rot Blossoms Society.]
Jiang Chen squinted. "Wait. Do I know you?"
"No," she said simply. "But your cabbage does."
He blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I have spoken to it."
"…You spoke to a vegetable?"
She nodded solemnly. "It whispered your secrets."
Feng Ziyun leaned over and whispered, "Master, do you think she's…"
"Insane?" Jiang Chen whispered back. "No. Worse. She's poetic."
Zhi Rou approached quietly, folding her hands. "May I ask, what did the cabbage say?"
Shi Yuyan turned her eyes to the horizon.
"…He suffers."
Everyone froze.
Even the wind.
"Deeply," she added.
[DING—Zhi Rou has developed a new technique: "Sorrowful Sprout Style." Emotional cultivation now available.]
[Feng Ziyun's existential confusion increases. He may gain insight from despair.]
Jiang Chen nearly snapped the hoe in half. "Get out of my garden!"
Hours later…
He returned to his room, slammed the door, and threw himself into his bamboo chair.
Peace.
He needed peace.
But when he opened his cultivation manual, a letter fell out.
It was delicately scented. Gold-edged. Labeled: "Fan Club Monthly—The Rooted Chronicle, Issue #1."
He opened it, trembling.
"Dearest Esteemed Root-Master Chen,Your guidance continues to inspire legions. This month's featured articles include:• '10 Ways to Meditate Like a Turnip'• 'He Held a Hoe—And My Heart'• 'Interview with Lady Shi: I Saw Him Compost, and Now I Cultivate with Emotion.'
Sincerely,The Cabbage Cultivation Coalition (Northern Branch)"
Jiang Chen tossed it into the fire.
But the fire refused to burn it.
Because it was spiritually laminated.
Somewhere, high in the sky—
An enormous sword-shaped cloud began forming. Lightning pulsed at its edges.
A powerful cultivator, robe fluttering like divine silk, narrowed his eyes.
"So… he finally reveals himself."
Another voice, female and regal, hummed. "Shall we intervene?"
"No… not yet. Let him harvest a little more."
Their eyes gleamed as they turned toward Jiang Chen's domain.
Down below, completely unaware, Jiang Chen was chasing a goose off his cabbage with a broom.