Jiang Chen didn't wake up to the chirping of birds.
No.
He woke up to the battle cry of a goose.
"—SKREEEEE!"
He shot up in bed, yanking his blanket like a startled cultivator sensing an ambush. "What in the agricultural abyss—?!"
Feng Ziyun burst into the room.
"Master! Emergency again!"
Jiang Chen rubbed his face. "Let me guess. The cabbage fan club has invaded the orchard now?"
Worse.
Feng Ziyun pointed outside, face pale. "The goose is back."
Jiang Chen stared. "The what?"
"The goose."
He staggered to the window.
Sure enough, there it was—a massive, snow-white goose standing dead center in his spiritual herb patch. Its wings were spread dramatically, one eye gleaming with sentient intelligence. It didn't move. It posed.
And surrounding it…
"Are those… disciples taking notes?!"
Over a dozen robed cultivators crouched nearby, each scribbling into bamboo slips with the devotion of scholars unearthing forbidden knowledge.
[DING—"Feathered Fowl Enlightenment Sect" has been founded. Founder: Goose. Honorary Patriarch: Jiang Chen.]
"…I've gone insane," Jiang Chen muttered. "The stress has finally fermented my brain like pickled lotus root."
Half an hour later, courtyard-side.
"Explain it to me again," Jiang Chen said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
One of the disciples—eyes wide with reverence—bowed low. "Master Chen, the goose displayed a unique footwork pattern while trampling weeds. It moved in perfect rhythm with the wind. We believe it's a new kind of movement technique."
"…It was just honking and stomping around."
"But its wings formed a formation!"
Jiang Chen turned slowly. "Formations now?"
The goose fluffed its feathers proudly. A single weed floated up behind it and exploded.
Gasps erupted from the disciples.
"Even the weed acknowledged his Dao…"
"Such majesty."
"He plucks truths from the soil."
The goose honked again. Two junior disciples collapsed from spiritual overexposure.
Feng Ziyun leaned in, whispering, "Master, that goose might have a higher cultivation base than me."
Jiang Chen whispered back, "It might have a higher one than me."
Meanwhile, in the inner hall...
Zhi Rou shuffled through stacks of papers. Fan letters had evolved into… investment proposals.
"Master Chen, this is from the Jade Ink Pavilion," she said carefully. "They want to license your weeding technique as a spiritual movement form for beginner cultivators."
Jiang Chen blinked. "I was hunched over pulling dandelions."
"They call it 'Dao of the One-Fingered Pluck.'"
[DING—You have unintentionally founded a cultivation art: "One-Fingered Pluck." Popularity rising.]
Another scroll thudded onto the table.
Feng Ziyun read it aloud. "Sect Leader Bai offers ten spirit stones a haiku if you submit weekly cabbage meditations."
"Ten spirit stones?!"
[Haiku Market Value: 96 cabbage coins per verse. Black-market variant: forbidden eggplant poetry.]
Jiang Chen felt faint.
The door creaked open.
Shi Yuyan stepped in holding a cabbage.
It wore a tiny cloak.
"I embroidered this for it," she said simply.
"…Get out of my house."
Far across the continent…
On a golden mountaintop, the ancient sword sect was in an uproar.
"His weeding stance disrupted the northern breeze!"
"He redirected an entire wind formation with a hoe!"
"Sect Master! What shall we do?"
The elderly cultivator at the head of the chamber narrowed his eyes.
"Send a delegation. Offer him the title of 'Weed Sword Sage.'"
"But sir, his weapon is a hoe."
"Then forge a sword-shaped hoe!"
Back in the cabbage domain…
Jiang Chen tried to flee.
He crept into the orchard, seeking a quiet tree to nap under. But peace had been replaced by unending devotion.
A girl popped out from a bush. "Ah! Master Chen's resting stance! I must record this."
Another student sketched him from a tree.
"His sleep aligns with the heavenly root cycle!"
Shi Yuyan crouched nearby, placing crystals around the trunk.
"For… energetic balance," she said solemnly.
[Your naps are now part of a cultivation lecture series.]
By evening…
Jiang Chen slumped by his pond, gazing at his reflection.
"Maybe if I shave my head and change my name, they'll leave me alone."
A splash echoed behind him. The goose entered the water and sat beside him—serene, majestic, unbothered.
"…You're the only one who understands," Jiang Chen muttered.
The goose honked softly, then… rested its head on his shoulder.
For one absurd second, it felt like friendship.
[DING—Goose Affection +1. You have unlocked the bond skill: "Shared Silences of the Pond."]
[New passive unlocked: "Too Tired to Fight This." Increases composure against absurdity.]
In the shadows of the sect gates…
A group of cloaked strangers arrived, their robes etched with mysterious insignias. They moved silently, assessing everything from Jiang Chen's compost techniques to the angle of his seed planting.
"He may be… the lost Saint of the Verdant Cycle," one whispered.
"His cabbage bends toward the sun with reverence…"
Jiang Chen, from afar, sneezed.
"…He senses us."
"Begin the initiation rite."