The pond glimmered under the rising sun.
Jiang Chen, still half-asleep and wearing a robe with one sleeve half-off, muttered blearily to himself as he crouched by the water.
"…Maybe if I pretend to be unconscious for three days, they'll assume I've transcended into cabbage nirvana…"
He poked a floating lotus.
Shi Yuyan, hidden behind a nearby rock, gasped and clutched her chest.
"Nirvana… He's ascending for my sake?"
Elsewhere, in the sect courtyard...
Dozens of disciples stood in uniform rows, backs straight, expressions reverent.
At the front stood the goose.
Clad in an oversized elder's robe and wearing a tiny medallion marked "HONORARY SQUAWK-ELDER," it flapped once, then paced dramatically.
"SKREEE."
A disciple nodded solemnly. "He's guiding us with the Dao of Momentum. Watch his waddle—it's the rhythm of celestial rotation."
Another scribbled in her notebook. "The arc of his neck is clearly referencing the Eighth Path of Temporal Displacement."
The goose fluffed its feathers.
A divine wind passed through the courtyard.
[DING—"Goose Cultivation Class" unlocked. Morale +500. Understanding of nonsense +999.]
Inside Jiang Chen's courtyard.
A box had arrived.
More accurately, a floating treasure chest had descended from the heavens (or, rather, an invisible sword array with poor aim) and embedded itself directly into his prized turnip patch.
He squinted at the label:
"To the Esteemed Weed Sage Jiang Chen — Gift from the Heavenly Sword Sect. May this Hoe Slice Through Destiny Itself."
Jiang Chen cracked it open.
Inside was a glowing hoe, forged from what looked like molten stars and arrogance.
"…Is this serious?"
[Legendary Artifact Obtained: STAR-SUNDERING HOE.]Description: Cuts weeds. Also, apparently fate.Bonus: +20 to handsomeness while holding it. +50 if shirtless.
Feng Ziyun gasped. "Master! You've unlocked the path of Farming Weaponry!"
"I didn't even know that was a thing."
Meanwhile, strange figures gathered in the nearby woods…
Black-robed individuals formed a circle around a worn scroll.
"The signs are clear. The one who walks with geese, tends cabbage, and naps beneath unblinking stars… He's the Verdant Progenitor reborn."
"But he just grows vegetables—"
"Silence! True power lies in compost!"
One knelt solemnly. "What of the pond-side prophecy?"
"Two ripples. One truth. One deception. When the lotus drifts east… he will speak words mistaken for love."
Lightning struck behind them.
They vanished.
Back to Jiang Chen…
He stared at the hoe.
Then at the goose, who was now sitting in his meditation pavilion drinking tea with a scroll tucked under one wing.
"…Is it reading?"
The goose flipped a page.
[Goose Intelligence has increased.]Warning: Goose may now lecture others on spiritual philosophy.
Shi Yuyan appeared at his side suddenly, cheeks flushed. "M-Master Chen…"
He turned, startled. "Huh? Oh, I was just—"
"You don't have to say it again," she whispered, biting her lip.
"…Say what?"
"That you'd ascend into nirvana for me."
His soul left his body.
The goose dropped its teacup in shock.
That night…
Jiang Chen lay on the roof, staring at the stars.
A letter fluttered into his lap. It had no sender.
"He who turns soil shall turn fate.""He who nurtures cabbage shall nurture nations.""Do not fear the goose. It remembers everything."
He folded it slowly. "This is getting out of hand."
[New Quest: Embrace the Nonsense.]Objective: Survive until the next misunderstanding.Reward: Probably cabbage-related.
In the shadows…
A cloaked woman with a jade flute stood before an ancient mirror. Within its depths, an image flickered—
Jiang Chen sleeping face-down in a field, hugging the glowing hoe like a body pillow.
Her eyes narrowed.
"…He awakens the Hidden Soil Vein with pure intent. He must be the one."
Behind her, petals swirled ominously.